Only two games after the smorgasbord of 13 last night.
REASONS TO WATCH THE GAMES OF THE NATIONAL BASKETBALL ASSOCIATION TONIGHT:
We've Tried the Scalpel and Now It Appears We Are Getting Ready for the Hatchet (Via The Corndogg):
Sixers at Orlando.
Sixers at Orlando.
Sixers looks gross. Like a giant loogie on the face of Philadelphians. With coffee bean shards in it. Just because the Phillies finally brought a title to your city doesn't mean you can just sit on your thumbs and sniff 'em when you stand up. Iggy's stat line from last night would have even made Eddy Curry cry. There is, at this moment, no bigger wastes of money in the league than the Brand/Iggy signings (Marbury excluded). And that's even with Brand averaging 16/12. Think about that. This is not what any of us had in mind when we thought they would be a Top 4 team in the East this year. I'm not sure if its coaching, motivation, growing pains or just over-confidence mixed with hellacious under-performance, but there is definitely something rotten in the state of Philly's offense.
Speaking of giant wasts of money, Rashard Lewis is kinda sorta having a decent start to the season. Not $122 million dollar start to the season, but he's doing enough to keep us from ripping his tiny head to shreds. (For real, dude's dome is puny). And, my pick for Most Improved Player this year, J.J. Redick, is averaging 13+ minutes a game and just a shade under 1 point a game. So, I am clearly a great prognosticator. D-Ho is as dominate as ever and we finally get him in prime time.
The Basketball Teams of the National Basketball Association from Houston and Portland Play Tonight. Here Is A Preview As If Written By Bad Wes Anderson Imitator. (Matt):
Houston at Portland.
Tonight the basketball teams from Houston and Portland will play a game in which the object is to place a round ball through a metal circle. It is important to note that the ball cannot be touched when it is in what is referred to as the cylinder, which stretches to and from the hoop vertically and extends forever. This is important to note if you're playing in an aircraft hanger or with Emeka Okafor.
The Houston team, which is known as Rockets, will attempt to control the game using a series of large individuals, including a seven foot Chinese man named Yao Ming. While Portland has its own alternative big man, Greg Oden, also known as The Big Chill, he is currently injured and will be unable to play.
This is not a rare occurrence.
The Portland team, knows as the Trail Blazers, or "Blazers" will attempt to counteract the Houston forces with their start small guard/point guard/combo guard/dynamite maker Brandon Roy, who also once served on the Italian Ballet's cast of "Vita Dolce." They also feature several European stars, many of whom have facial hair that have been satirized in the popular magazine, Svelte European.
The victor will no doubt be able to focus on defense, cutting off baseline penetration, and resembling the highly acerbic wild ostriches of Kathmandu.
It is not expected to be Portland.
Also, CRAZY PILLS!