Friday, November 21, 2008

15 FOOTER 11.21.08

The "If Corn had his way, they would all be like this" Edition.

Stinker of a slate tonight. Too many injuries, too many lopsided matchups, too little intrigue. Yep, it's Friday night in the NBA. However, since most of you don't have dates or friends - the only thing you got tonight are these games. Could be worse - you could be Ashely Simpson and Pete Wentz's kid. Enjoy, wanna be ballers.

If You Keep Doing That You're Gonna Go Blind
Orlando @ Indiana

Watching Danny Granger on offense has been know to cause fits of exacerbate elation and dramatic discombobulation. Like riding the Gyrosphere at a local outdoor fair, then trying to run up the rope course. Any way you cut it, awesome abounds. Just let Redick guard him, I beg of you.

This Won't Be Awkward At All (Rob)
Clippers @ Philly

Oh, hey...w-what a surprise...I didn't really expect to see you here. Wow. Well, you look um, you look good. Yeah. Really, I mean that. What? I'm...I'm really sorry to hear that. It's been tough for me too, but I mean it's just a transition. Something we've gotta get through. But man, did we have some good times. Some really, really bad times, but there were some good ones too. So, I mean, what's up? How've you been? Yeah, I should probably go too. But it was really great seeing you. I got stuff to do, I mean, 'Dre offered me a pre-game back massage and --...I'm sorry, that was really rude of me. I'm just gonna go. Take care of yourself.

Somebody Needs a Pick-Me-Up Right About Now (Rob)
Houston @ Washington
7:00 EST

The Rockets will win this game. I don't even care who plays. The Wizards are floundering, and even the fact that they've put together a few wins doesn't really change things. They miss Gil. They miss Antonio Daniels. They miss Brenda. They miss Larry Hughes, probably, and maybe even Stack and Courtney Alexander and Kwame and Rip. These are sad times in our nation's capital...not really, but y'know. So after already having endured the unholy trinity of superstar injuries just a month or so into this infant season, the Rox need a bit of a pick me up. Being in DC either sets them up to take down the Wiz or to score some particular illegal substances. Frankly, I don't care which one, but these guys need to get back on track if anyone in the West is going to give the Lakers a run for their money this season.

15 Footer... The Vince Carter Edition
Jersey @ Toronto
I'm gonna come out firing from three, passing to Yi, messing up my knee, zzzzzzzzzzzz

No Thanks, I'll Just Eat My Arm Instead.
7:30 EST

They are the basketball equivalent of the Panthers, which is fitting. Win when you have no chance of winning. Epic Fail at all other times. Wounded Hawks coming in, barely squeaking bye. Bobcats will lose by 20+ with Morrison getting more than 10 FG attempts. Book it.

Homecoming... If Your Home Burnt Down and Someone Pissed on it's Ashes.
Boston @ Minny
8:00 EST

Look, its even Minnesota puke green!

Hell hath no fury like El Tigre Monstruoso feasting on the tender entrails of Kevin Love. More '03 Wolves jerseys than '08 in the house tonight. Also, Kevin McHale gets his championship ring. Good time are back, baby!

When Moore's Omnipresent, Uber-sensitive Psyche is Away, The Real Troof Comes Out. Got that, Beotches?
Memphis @ Dallas

The Grizz can eat pavement for all I care. They are useless. You are better off being a Thunder fan (deceased mascot or team). Alright, just kidding. 3 Shades war chants can stop now. In truth, this Grizz team is fun. Mayo is a star and they just have so many odd pieces. Runts of the litter and proud of it. Good thing is, they play the most boring team (that isn't the Spurs) tonight. So, I might actually cheer for them. If that's the case, Mayo breaks a bone. Hate to say I told you so, Grizz fans.

Let's Make A Deal
Knicks @ Bucks

So, Milwaukee has a bunch of pieces that it hates. New York has even more pieces that it hates. Instead of nitpicking, let's just swap teams. Really. You don't think Zach Randolph and Eddy Curry in the land of bratwurst and cheese will pay enormouse intertubes dividends? And what about Richard Jefferson being back in the Big Apple, within sniper firing range of Lawrence Frank. I'll take whats behind door #3... FAIL.

The Battle of Who Could Care Less.
Utah @ San Antonio

We're not talking about the fans, mind you. We've had death threats and constant spamming from them before. Last time I talked to a Spurs fan, I ended up owning a chicken farm in Zimbabwe. Thanx Bowne4lifeomg. If you like the sweet release of death or just took some serious black tar heroin and wanna chillax, click this sucker on. And watch out for Roger Mason's hair. It has a life of its own!

Don't Cry For Me OKCITY!
Nola @ OKC
9:30 EST

This is the way the world ends.
This is the way the world ends.
This is the way the world ends.
Not with a bang but a "Suck on this, Clay Bennett. You hogheaded, backstabbing, buttguzzling terrorist."
Which is appropriate, since CP3 lights up this place like he owns it... cause he does. Hornets run up the score, not cause they are that much better than the Thunder (which they are) but more to just rub it in Fat-Faced Bennett's mug. Suck #### and die.

You're welcome, Seattle fans.

This is a Game Between the Portland Trailblazers and the Sacramento Kings (Trey)
Portland @ Sacramento
10:00 EST

Were this the first game of the season this would be appointment viewing. You remember the Kevin Martin dunk, right? Unfortunately, Martin's out with no timetable for his return. This leaves a team that's playing pretty great right now against a bad team without its worst player.
However, this game will definitely be entertaining. These teams both run and jump a lot. If I'm not mistaken, the Blazers had somewhere in the vicinity of 15 dunks. Plus, you can see Greg Oden be enormous, especially compared to the Ivory Towers.

Total Recall Jamal
Chicago @ Golden State
10:30 EST

Hopefully Crawford will be on the sideline tonight, salivating at the chance to play in the only looser offensive system in the league than the one he is leaving. He might even be opening up the Coors Lights for Don Nelson halfway through the first. On the other end, he sees a team not all that much different than he left, when it was his only club. Talent, distortion, awful coach, sneakers. Yep, Back to the Future for Jamal Crawford.

I wonder if his head or shooting wrist explodes first?

It's My Blog and I'll Slack If I Want To
Denver @ LA Lakers
10:30 EST

Bite me.

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