Thursday, October 30, 2008

Super Overreactionizer: Greg Oden's Injuries

The Super Overeactionizer lets us look at just how much we want to overreact to a story that Kelly Dwyer will inevitably make us feel stupid about overreacting to. Occasionally we'll dabble in rational thought.

Q: How completely and totally doomed is Greg Oden?

The Corndogg:

So, for those of you who aren't movie snobs like me, there is a new David Fincher (he of Fight Club fame) called "The Curious Case of Benjamin Button." So, why bring up a stupid sounding movie starring Brad Pitt? Because, its plot is almost directly identical to my theory about Greg Oden. See, Benjamin Button was born as an 80 year old man and who ages backward. So, as he grows/recedes, his size and emotions become stunted and opposite those around him who are growing normally. Such is the case with Greg Oden.

Oden was born with the body of a 100 year old man. So, now at "age" 20, he is LITERALLY 80 years old, at least in bone density, calcium deposits, ligament dexterity and muscle movement. Thus, the wrist injury of two years ago, the microfracture last year and the sprained foot now should be seen as the norm, not the ridiculous. I mean, by Christmas time, kid could be getting a hip replacement. In reality, it should be us, the viewers and fans, who should take the blame for poor Gregory. We have forced our conventional ideas about athletes (be young, healthy, leaping, careless, fearless) to a man who is clearly ahead of, or really behind, the times. Making Greg play now would be like trotting our Robert Parrish in today's game. Greg is not the superstar of today, but of the next generation. You know, when he's 45 going on 21.

Don't blame the old, decrepit Oden, blame the system. We look forward to watching you dominate in the future Greg, when television will be programmed into our arms and cars run on happy thoughts.

Trey Kerby:
I hate worrying about injuries. I really don't see the point. To me, worrying about injuries is like worrying that Michael Doleac is going to come to my house and eat all my Fun Dip. However, as Skeets says, "Greg Oden's legs resent him." And currently, I resent Greg Oden's legs. They're real jerks.

The real stick of it is is that this really hurts the Blazers. They have a rough stretch here (Phoenix twice, New Orleans twice, Detroit, Utah, Houston, Orlando) that would have been a challenge even at full strength. Struggling for these 4 weeks could put them out of the playoffs in the West. And then what happens when Oden gets back? Not only will he have to get used to playing (again), the Blazers will have to get used to playing with him (again). That's another two months of uncertainty. In the West, that's a death sentence.
Matt Moore:
I'm not saying he's going to be injury prone. I'm just saying he has a history of picking them up. This is a minor deal. But it impacts his ability to get conditioned to taking the poundings he's going to need to in order to play down low in this league. Furthermore, what's the answer? Lose weight? You do that and he's going to be able to be bumped and moved aside more easily. Keep the weight on him and you're putting more stress on his lower body.

The worst part is there's nothing the Big Chill can do about this. He can't tough his way through legitimate injuries that effect his ability to do things like walk. But until he proves that he can go through a single NBA game without getting injured, we need to tone down on the hype machine and think of him as just another player for a while.

Rob Mahoney:
The Blazers won't make the playoffs. Greg Oden will be traded in the off-season for a signed and traded Stephon Marbury. Travis Outlaw will quit the team to play in the ABA. LaMarcus Aldridge will stab Brandon Roy in a duel that will inevitably ensue over controlling power amongst the warlords of the greater Portland area. Then of course, Rip City will be completely covered in molten lava following the eruption of a now-dormant volcano.

Well, it was a good run, Blazers. You had a nice little team going there for awhile. But now it's time to get real. And real means that the T-Wolves are tied for first in the division while they Blazers are tied for last. Game over man, game over.

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