Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Breaking News from the Lakers

LOS ANGELES, CALIFORNIA (AP) -- The Los Angeles Lakers have confirmed that they plan to waive and subsequently execute forward Josh Powell. Team sources refused to comment on whether the team's intentions are related to an injury to Kobe Bryant caused by a collision with Powell during a preseason game.

"It's unfortunate, man, but this is a business," said Laker forward Lamar Odom. "You've gotta just gotta roll with the punches sometimes. It sucks to see that happen to a teammate, but life goes on...well, for the rest of us, I mean."

Team captain Kobe Bryant was unavailable for comment after the game, but reportedly responded to Powell during the game by saying "MY KNEE! MY KNEE! YOU RAT [expletive deleted] [expletive deleted]-LICKING MOTHER [expletive deleted] SON OF A [expletive deleted] [expletive deleted] [expletive deleted] [expletive deleted]."

Powell, as per a contract in his clause, will be able to choose his method of execution. Rumors indicate that he may be leaning towards being drawn and quartered after authorities offered clarification to discourage his initial choice, being "stoned to death."

League officials could not be reached for comment on how a player's execution would impact the Laker's salary cap situation.

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