Friday, August 1, 2008

Another Open Letter To Good People In Charge Of NBA Programming

Dear Sirs, Madames, and F*ckwits Good People Of The NBA Television Scheduling Department:

When last we sent correspondence, we'll admit, we were a bit... put off. We had a bad day. What was supposed to be a new episode of Ninja Warrior was yet another rerun. And we'd watched the Lakers so many times I could tell you how many nose hairs are visible on Luke Walton has (the answer is 10, unless he sees an opportunity to cherry pick, then the number rises to 239.4). So we were a little distraught. We apologize if we were a bit too... abrasive for your delicate sensibilities. The truth is, right now we're delighted with you. We couldn't have warmer feelings for you. We're thinking about sending you chocolates. Or at least a nice E-Card.

Why the sudden change of heart on our part? Well, guys and gals, you did it. You put two small market teams on national television, against one another, not just Lakers or Celtics fodder, and you did it on Christmas Day. This is such a big step for you. And especially after you put the Hornets on TV last year and then the Pistons wiped the floor with them on the Sunday game (don't put Western Conference teams ast the noon game, even if they're on Central time. Important note.) You're not just taking baby steps, putting the Jazz on a little bit more to get their clocks cleaned by the Lakers, you're embracing the new talent. This is a big deal for you, especially with the Celtics and Lakers as good as they are.

And the ones you chose! Orlando and New Orleans! This isn't just a nice showcase of some of the great talent on the smaller market teams, this is a fantastic matchup. It's my dream Finals matchup. The inside-out power balance of Howard versus the three point bomb squad versus Chris Paul and the basketball version of Hell's Angels. You've managed to create something that will likely be costing me several period piece films and at least a makeup trip to Linens and Things. I can shrug off Blazers versus Sonics, and whatever sacrificial lamb you send up against the Lakers. But Orlando versus New Orleans? In primetime? Hell, I may make the family watch.

Think of what this could mean? The Bobcats last season beat the Celtics and Lakers. They were never shown. The Hawks pushed the Celtics to seven games! Hardly ever on television. Heck, you might actually show a Nets-Rockets game so the rest of the world could enjoy Yi versus Yao. We believe in you!

You know what, just for this? We're totally cool with you loading up the Lakers for most of the Sunday games, and shoving the Celtics down our throat. As long as you tip in little bits and pieces of originality here and there, we're happy.

Of course... if that's the only time New Orleans or Orlando are on television, we may have to have another of these little talks. But until then, happy tidings. We can't wait to see you in the fall.

Hardwood Paroxysm

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