Thursday, July 31, 2008

Ron Artest Has Sick Awesome Contract Provisions

Just when you thought we were finished, Artest pulls us back into the fray! Four Ron posts in just three days? TOO C-C-CRAZY FOR YOU?! C'mon, you know you're eating it up.

But Ron-Ron's latest morsel takes the entire situation to a new level of awesome. Behold, CRAZY PILLS hath spoken, and all who are deaf will hear his words and praise his lunacy:

"We've still got to make sure there's still a commitment (from the Rockets)," Artest said. "That's the main thing, is to make sure there's still a commitment. When I speak to the powers-that-be of the Houston Rockets' organization, we're going to find out how much they really want me there. We'll find out. I'm still waiting to find out if this is just a trade or if this is like a long-term commitment-type thing. I haven't spoken to anybody yet. I'm still waiting."

Yes, you read that correctly -- Ron Artest may have just exercised the second known NBA no-trade clause. It's located in paragraph 2 of section 4.b. of Artest's contract, under the subtitle that reads: "THIS GUY IS FRICKING INSANE."

The only person involved in this deal who has less leverage than Artest at this point is named "Future 1st round pick." Everybody in Sactown did Ron a huge favor here by trading him to a very competitive team where he doesn't have to do everything for the team to win, and in return he makes a big deal out of a Yao Ming blip. Dude, you're Ron freaking Artest. Everyone is worried that you might strap a pack of hot dogs and an alarm clock to your chest, pretend it's a bomb, and hold the Toyota Center hostage for your own amusement. I don't know if you remember all this, but you punched some fans in the face, wanted to take a season off to make your own rap album, and made fun of your team's owners' mother. Frankly, I'd be a bit surprised if Yao wasn't freaked out.

But the funniest image of the entire Artest-Yao saga: Yao Ming's giant hands clumsily text-messaging Luis Scola on the world's tiniest cell phone.

The unfortunate thing about the situation is how overblown it is, considering it's not even going to matter. Yao's going to conveniently change his mind in the next few days, they'll talk about how awesome their chemistry is in a matter of months, and off-court life will be peachy. Well, until that whole hotdog-bomb thing.

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