Thursday, May 8, 2008

There Has Never Been A Greater Truster Of His Teammates In The History Of Professional Sports Than Kobe Bryant

The Corndogg wanted to celebrate Kobe in his own special way. The other day he heard several talking heads discussing how Kobe earned this MVP because he learned to "trust his teammates." Here's Corn's in-depth report on how the word views Kobe's miraculous ability to "trust" his teammates. Questions, comments, and death threats should be lobbed at matthew(dot)t(dot)cornelius(at)gmail(dot)com.

This post is dedicated to quotes heard from around the league, detailing specifically just how much trust Kobe has in his teammates. Not just regular trust, but MVP trust. His trust is just incomparable. He might have just lifted his trust to a different level. He is running away with the "Truster of the Year" award.

Tim Legler: "Kobe Bryant has shown more trust in his teammates than ever before. That trust is so strong that it has made them better teammates and helped them elevate their game to a level that is satisfactory to Kobe. But nothing is really satisfactory to Kobe, so he is out there before practice everyday, demanding that they do things that make him trust them more, such as shooting more free throws, working on defensive rebounding positioning and playing Russian roulette. Seriously, Kobe Bryant trusts them."

Kenny Smith: "Kobe IS Trust. The amount of trust Kobe has in his teammates is of epic proportions. There is so much trust in his teammates that Kobe feels he can trust them to clap even louder now when he shoots 55% from the floor and goes the free throw line 24 times a game. He trusts them to cheer more diligently and they do. That is MVP caliber trust right there."


Skip Bayless: "I have never, NEVER! seen trust like this before. I don't even like Kobe, as I have made apparent about a gagillion times before. But, as a respected journalist, I do love trust. And he has it. I mean, he HAS IT! I never thought I would see such trust again after what Mike Vick's posse did to him, but Kobe has really proved to me that you can trust with your entire body and soul. It is just an unbelievable amount of trust.

George W. Bush: "If we had more generals in our army who trusted their teammates like Kobe Bryant, we would have accomplished "Mission Accomplished" way back when I said "Mission Accomplished" five years ago. In fact, I would like to invite Kobe Bryant to lead our special ops forces after he wins his fourth NBA title this year. He strategerically trusts in ways that will help us find Saddam Hussein, engender his trust and -- (thought bubble pops in above head) 'Wait W., we already killed Saddam.' So, in conclusion, Kobe Trust. Thank you Amurrica."

Roger Clemens: "I have trusted Rusty Hardin, Midny McCready and Brian McNamee the way Kobe trusts his teammates. And look where I am now. That is some deep, deep, uh... deep trust. I should not have trusted them so deeply. Am I misremembering how deeply I trusted them? Anyways, Kobe is great truster. Maybe the greatest in any sport ever. Hey, what is that? (sees fetus leg start to grow out of his left temple) Hey Rusty, can I trust you to take care of this for me?"

James Dolan: " I would just like everyone, especially Cable Vision stockholders and the media that I follow via secret surveillance, to know that Kobe's trust is even greater than the trust I have for Isiah Thomas. And I think you know how deep that trust is. Speaking of which, have any of you guys seen Isiah? Is he talking to our players? I doubt it, cause I trust him so much. But not as much as Kobe trust his teammates. But I have truly learned from this and next year, our guys are going to trust one another. For what? I don't know, but there will be trust."

Mike Wilbon: "Hey knuckleheads, trust like Kobe. I voted for him for MVP, so he must be the greatest. I mean, really, I voted for him and I am always right. Especially about blogs. I distrust them as much as Kobe trusts his teammates. Now you understand how much trust there is on that Lakers team." "We told you so."

Dick Bavetta: "We officials trust Kobe the way he trusts his teammates. If Kobe tells us that a shot from Sasha Vujajic, which was an airball, should really have been counted as 4 points, we believe him and award the Lakers 4 points. When Kobe tells us that he was fouled, even though he was in the locker room getting taped up before the game, we go ahead and award him 2 free throws at the start of the game. Because, you know what, we have noticed the amount of trust he has in his teammates and that makes us trust everything he says and does even more. He even said to me that in Game 3, he is only going to let his teammates shoot the ball and that he won't attempt a single shot or free throw and that if those shots are missed, they should still count. I told him that we would review them and then count them every time. Such are the perks you get not only from being the MVP, but also from being the most trusting teammate in the league."

Chris Webber: " I see Kobe's trust in his teammates and it reminds me of my own. Like, when the game was on the line, I always trusted my teammates to hit a big shot, so I would always pass them the ball and get out of the way. Sometimes, I would just stand near the sideline and let them do their thing. And you know why, because I trusted them. But not as much as Kobe trusts his Lakers teammates this year. He probably trusts them even more than he trusted Horry in Game 5 back in 2003 against us. I don't know for sure, because I have a different perspective now. Back then, I was busy standing at half court and trusting my teammates to hit their shots. Now, I can watch from the comfort of the TNT studios, so I have a better angle. It's tough to see things when you are already running back down the court because you trust your teammates to hit their shots at the end of the 4th quarter."

Charles Barkley: " The way Kobe used to trust was turrrrrrible. Now, his trust is good. Not turrrrible. That is some good trust. I wonder how many of his teammates are in his Fave 5 (fart)."

Stephen Jackson: "Kobe asked me the other day where I got my tats done. So I told him. I trusted him to treat my artist good, ya know. Cause I see how he be trusting his teammates now, even that big wacky Walton dude. So, I was like, ' Yo Mamba, go hit up Smelly Telly in East Oakland. Tell him 10 Deep told you to get the hook up.' Now Kobe got this tat that is the sh*t cousin. It is a tornado, wrapped in a tsunami, on top of an earthquake, riding a cyclone around a volcano and into a hurricane. It's called 'Trust.' It's all about his teammates, yo (fart)."

Stephen Hawking (speaking through his robot): "Even I cannot calculate the amount of trust Kobe Bryant has in his teammates. It is as mind blowing as peering into the center of the sun. I cannot even being to imagine how much trust he has. It is unquantifiable. May I please have some milk now?"

Dikembe Mutombo: "They all love the Kobe. They want to sex the Trust. Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha."

Lamar Odom: "For my birthday, Kobe told me he was gonna show me where Jimmy Hoffa was buried. Of course, I didn't believe him cause no one knows that sh*t. But then, I realized how much Kobe trusted in me, both to believe him and not to tell anyone about it. So, he showed me where that dude was. I knew better than to doubt him. But that is all I can say, cause I know Kobe trusts me to take that info to the grave, ya'll."

Phil Jackson: "I talked with Kobe at the beginning of the year and gave him this simple advice: When the avocado performs stem cell research, he begins to find a haiku and a screwdriver while they are fighting in opposites and smelting Vancouver through a Taj Mahal salad full of purity, pencil shavings, brain tumors, and Andy Warhol. He knew instantly what it meant. Now he trusts his teammates more than ever before."

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