Tuesday, May 27, 2008

Mike D'Antoni, How Does Your Garden Grow?

The following is another public service announcement from the Corndogg. Please remember not to go swimming for at least an hour after reading.

Lots of internet types are goofing on the Great Mustachio, now that the Bulls have won the Rose Bowl while the Knicks are stuck picking 6th (oooh, but OJ Mayo might be there!). However, while I was trying to decide if this were truly an awful decision on D's part, I came across one factor that I think might shape his future in New York indefinitely. D doesn't just want Rose, he wants a Garden full of Roses. What's that you say, are you using horticulture references in this post? What is this, a Flower Blog? No, it's not, but that idea is imperative to the way D'Antoni should approach his seemingly ill-fitting team this summer. When life gives you a big pile of crap, you turn it into fertilizer.

Run those bitches until their legs fall off.

"But uh, Corn, most of the Knicks can't run to the toilet, much less 94 feet and back consistently." And you know what, it doesn't matter. In fact, if I were D, I would do my duty to Old Glory and coach the Olympics team (and give mustache rides to the likes of Lebron and Wade), but after that, focus on the one thing you know how to do better than anyone else in your profession - Coach uptempo basketball.
It's the perfect storm. You don't worry about trades. You don't try and cut costs. You don't bother with personnel decisions or who fits what position and what their skill levels are. You just run. Like Forrest Gump, you run. This is going to accomplish a multitude of things. First, you are going to break those guys who do not really care about basketball. "Oh, I'm sorry Stephon. If you don't like the way I run my f*cking ship, then take $2 mil and go back to Coney Island." Secondly, you let all the waste of cap and bench space slowly die off while you find out for sure who can and will fit your system (no one is looking at you, Jerome James). Third, you design a game plan that allows every single person on this team to take a shot whenever they touch the ball, if they feel like it. No consequences, just like in Phoenix. You let them play fast, play offense and let the defense come along if it can. If this collection of filth thinks they are individually so talented and worthy, let them prove it to you game in and game out.

Sure, this seems loony. But what about D's style and methods have not seemed loony in the past. The cream rises to the top and the garbage gets thrown away. You don't make any excuses or apologize for the way you run your team. Not only will this get the media off your back, but it will show your fans and other free agents you are coveting that you couldn't care less about expectations, trends and critiques. You are just there to coach the best way you know how. And once you take that Gung-Ho attitude into year two, you will be able to have a much bigger say in your personnel issues, you will be the darling of the Big Apple and you will know exactly where you stand. No one thinks you can do it anyway, not with this mess. So you might as well buckle down, zone in and work like you've never worked before. Nothing else matters.

Trying to make a mountain out of a dunghill? Sure, but if you build that mountain high enough, you won't even be able to waft along the smell of crap from whence you first started. In fact, all that feces will have turned into compost. The perfect base from which to start your own Garden.

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