Thursday, April 17, 2008

Hardwood Paroxysm's Plethora Of Playoff Prognostication: Pistons (2) vs. 76ers (7)

The most glorious time has come. Playoffs. Where cliches and overly intense promos run wild. Where players still miss their free throws. Where bombardment with terrible TV Coverage from ESPN/ABC happens. We present to you, our four part previews for each series, continuing with Detroit and Philly.
The Word:

This country was founded on something much greater than what all those "scientists," "historians," and "experts" would have you believe. We were founded on the strength of our conviction. We rely on something much more powerful than silly "facts" to make our decisions. We seek out the truth through the strongest muscle in the human body, besides Ron Artest's quadracep. We know what is the truth, and we lean on the source of that truth to guide us through our most rocky times. And that's what the Philadelphia 76ers must do in the next week to week and a half. And it's the subject of this series' word.


The Philadelphia 76ers must rely on heart to brave their way through the first round against the Pistons. When you really, really get down it, that's all they have (besides the millions and millions of dollars and hookers with bags of cocaine being parachuted into their hotel rooms every night). They have heart (read: hookers). They can face down Detroit's terrifying combination of defense, ball movement, and offensive efficiency (not to mention tantalizing collection of hair-dos and facial wear). But only if they fall back and rely on what really got them to this point (a completely inept conference?). Heart (I didn't know they were calling the Eastern Conference "Heart." Is it a tribute band, now?).

You see, sure, you can look at Andre Miller against Chauncey Billups and say, that's kind of a mismatch (in the same vein as Bruce Springsteen versus Fred Durst). You can look at Samuel Dalembert and think, maybe he can't match up with Sheed. But he can (in technical fouls). And sure, Andre Igoudala may have a tendency to turn the ball over (read: more frantic than Kramer). You've got to believe in yourself, Philadelphia! Your fans are behind you (with bricks and sharp objects)! Just don't be suckered in by all the flash and dance of Pistons (similar to a caterpillar nature special on PBS). You can do this, but you've got to stick to your guns (not literally).


And now we turn to the part of our show where we discuss the finer issues of these series, in Point/Counterpoint. Today's topic: Will the Pistons hold the Sixers to an average of less than 85 points per game?

Point- Everyone thought the Sixers were hot as sh*t about a month ago. I never bought it. This squad is out-talented, out-matched, out-witted and out-housed. They're one of those "We have a balanced attack" teams. Yeah, balanced attack this. The Pistons are going to shut them down at every angle. Even if one of their Little LeBowski Achievers manage to pop off for 25 points or more, the rest of them are going to bomb like they never existed. The Pistons will put the lock down, the shut down, and the smack down on the little surprise Sixers. They might be able to sucker the Pistons into a low shooting night, but they're not going to average over 85 points for the series. Say goodnight, kiddies. It's time for the big boys to go to work.

Counterpoint- Arrogance. The Pistons have it in abundance. Despite the fact that they are an elite defensive team, the older Pistons still have this yearning to prove they are still relevant (like the 45 year old guy who works from his home and goes to the bar every day at 5pm just to hit on 23 year old chicks who only break his bank and leave his credit score in the dumps) and that last year's ECF debacle against Cleveland was a joke. Thus, guys like Sheed and Rip will be bombing away from outside and the Motor City AARP will try to show these young bucks from Philly how championships were one back in the old days, like 2004. They also have a second unit which is as good as any in basketball. With their starting unit's seething over-confidence, these young 'uns will get more playing time and the score will go through the roof. Plus, they have average over 100 a game at home since the All Star break. And since they have to have at least 2 games at home, that means the Pistons will have to hold them to 70 or fewer in the Palace. Not an easy task against any playoff team.
Graphic Representation:


Matt: Pistons in 4
Corndogg: Pistons in 5.

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