Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Hardwood Paroxysm Bans April Fools Day Jokes From Link Lists

The Series Of Tubes, USA- Hardwood Paroxysm owner, Matt Moore, stunned the internet today by banning all April Fools' Day jokes from Hardwood Paroxysm.

"If I can't allow all April Fools' Day Jokes in, it's not fair for me to let anyone in. There's just not enough room on the links section for everyone," Moore told reporters today in a statement on his blog, BlogMattrick.

The ban comes after several April Fools' Day Jokes insinuated a rift between Matt Moore and cooperative partner and heterosexual life-mate, Matthew Cornelius, AKA, the Corndogg.

"There is no rift; I repeat, it's a non-story. Aside from the fact that he's a (expletive deleted) (expletive deleted) that likes to (expletive deleted) his own (expletive deleted). And his Epic Carnival column sucks, too! And you can tell him I said that!" Cornelius commented outside of his scenic North Carolina home as he prepared to hex the North Carolina Tarheels with "everything in the black mass that passes for (his) soul."

The question of banning April Fools' Day jokes comes at an especially conspicuous time for HP, after Matt traded actually posting about basketball for continuous commentary on owners' reactions to blogging and indulging in delusions of grandeur regarding his own importance. Thus far, the return on that trade has proved negligible at best, and with his ability to produce fresh commentary still injured after Kobe Bryant Blog Day, there's talk of HP missing the post-season entirely.

Mr. Moore insists that this issue has nothing to do with any specific April Fools' Day joke.

"It's really a question of whether or not the common April Fools' Day joke can compete with the latest laugh-romp from Jay Mariotti or trade dagger-sharp wits with Skip Bayless. I feel that April Fools' Day Jokes should have that opportunity, but until we can develop a clear standard by which to judge these jokes, we're just not going to be able to let them in. Unless they work for me. Or I like them."

In a bizarre twist, HP has actually opened up this post as an entry form for writers to submit their own April Fools' Day jokes. If they are deemed worthy by His Greatness, the Grand Mattness, they will be given personal access to HP's daily link list, the Great Exercises In Naming Your Link Dump Something Too Long.

"I just want to give your average April Fools' Day Joke the chance to compete with the big guys, you know?"

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