Tuesday, April 1, 2008

Ball Movements 4.1.08: April Fools Jokes Jumped The Shark. Get Over It. Edition

Reasons To Watch The Games Of The NBA Tonight:

There's A Light At The End Of The Tunnel. Unfortunately, It's A Train. : We spend so much time making fun of bad basketball teams, but do you ever stop to consider what it's like to be on one? I mean, really? Do you ever think about being Michael Redd? Or David Lee, knowing your best years are being spent on the bench for some jackass? What? No, you don't? Oh, me neither... Anyway, the Buck and Knicks meet in Milwaukee tonight for ping-pong balls. As both teams collectively clamor for the sweet release of the season's conclusion, there's always the off-chance that some of the guys will bring it. If nothing else, just start envisioning 6-10 draft picks chugging along in vacant spots on the floor. Knicks at Milwaukee, 8PM EST.

Let's Play 2 On 2, How's About?: Seriously. I would pay good money to see Wolves versus Pistons in a two on two game. Jefferson and Gomes versus Rasheed and Amir Johnson? Hot. Corey Brewer and Jaric versus Chauncey and Rip? Okay, it's a mismatch. But still! Size versus experience! And in garbage time you could see Stuckey and Amir versus Brewer and the Harbinger! It would be fantastic! Unfortunately, stupid NBA regulations will force them to play 5 on 5 tonight, and the Pistons will bury the Wolves in the first half and be done with it. But anytime you have a chance to watch Amir Johnson versus Al Jefferson? You should. Detroit at Minnesota, 8PM.

The Cool Collected Calm Of The Pooh-God Versus The Collective Madness Known As The Warriors:
If you watch one, watch this one. The last time these two met it was a classic. It's the constant battle between disciplined defense and pace control and "RUN LIKE HELL AND SHOOT, YOU CRAZY BASTARDS! MAN THE TURRETS! FIRE AT WILL! WHERE'S THE RUM?!" which is what I always imagine Stephen Jackson screaming when he brings the ball up. Spurs want home-court. Warriors want to dance. No rest for the weary, gents. The war continues in San Antonio. Warriors at Spurs, 8:30PM EST.

Mad Dog And Glory: The Rockets have to play with abandon from here on out. We doubt them. Everyone but Dream Shake doubts them. But they were in this same situation before the streak and look where they are now. They've got a tired, weary Kings matchup tonight in Arco, but a dangerous one. They need to take care of business Reservoir Dogs style: Quick, painless, and efficient. They need to be Mr. Wolf in Pulp Fiction, Bill in Kill Bill, and other Tarantino analogies. Just because we doubt them, it doesn't mean we're not pulling for them. No guts, no glory, Rockets. Houston at Sacrament0, 10:00PM EST.

Well, You Might Be The MVP, But I Am Freakin' Superman (Via the Corndogg): Another one of those odd games tonight. Orlando is definitely the 3 in the East. The Hornets are fighting like Mike Vick's pitbulls to get the 1 in the West. Paul could really use another superstar performance against the guy who ESPN thinks is better than him to push his MVP campaign even further. But, I bet he would take the win, even if he put up a Trillion. Look for the uber-inspired Hornets to show some of their tricks to the cruising Magic. New Orleans at Orlando, 7:30PM EST.

Give Them Some Brotherly Love (Via the Corndogg): Us HP guys have been quietly repping the Sixers for a while now. My boy Iggy is finally playing his way into a big time contract. All the young guys are heating up. Andre Miller is a genuine veteran leader (yes, that is correct. No need to change out your contacts). They might get the 6 in the East, which make them a highly entertaining, and pesky, matchup for the Magic. The even have Henry doing some excellent work on their season's salvation. Who says Eastern Conference basketball ain't fun? Oh yeah... Nets fans. Philadelphia at New Jersey, 7:30PM EST.

If Time Is Money, The Bulls Are Running Counter Clockwise (Via the Corndogg): Man, it just keep getting incrementally worse for the Bulls. First they make no trades this past offseason. Then, their "stars" turn down big contracts for inexplicable reasons. Said "stars" have probably lost quite a bit of money due to their dung-filled performances this year. They have a bunch of young big guys who are not getting the coaching/burn that they need. They are headed for the tail-end of the lottery (mainly due to the putridness of other teams, as opposed to the Bulls' relative decency), so it means they are looking at Robin Lopez. Great job, guys. Now go waste all of Hinrich's energy getting crushed by the Celtics. BTW, when is John Paxson going to hear his name revered as highly as those perennial GM geniuses like Isiah, Wallace, Harris, and anything associated with Pat Riley? Boston at Chicago, 8:30PM EST.

Hey, At Least Last Night Was Fun (Via the Corndogg): The Suns essentially played 7 guys last night in that awesome come-from-behind win in Phoenix (something fans still are not accustomed to -- both the energy and the "come-from-behind-ability"). Those 7 guys are going to be toast tonight while chasing around Melo and Co. a mile up in the air. I expect 35 from J.R. Smith (plus a new tattoo) and the Suns to stink it up. Good thing we live in Backwards Land, where all my words can melt off the page after the Suns win a 84-81 defensive tussle. Who says Western Conference basketball ain't fun? Oh yeah... Sonics fans. Phoenix at Denver, 9PM EST.

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