Tuesday, February 26, 2008

Ball Movements 2.26.08

Reasons to Watch the Games of the NBA Tonight:

Nothing Says "Magic" Like New Jersey: Well, then. Here's a nice little recipe. Let's take the team that lost it's franchise point guard and got back an injured youngster point guard, a behemoth underneatoth, and some bits and pieces. Then let's put on the other side a team that has the consistency of a malt with jello chunks in it. Tasty! Now let's put them in a game heading into the playoff stretch run while the rest of the East has improved via trades. Bake for 48 minutes at 500 degrees. Sprinkle with basil, paprika, and half-man, half-season for taste. Enjoy. Orlando at New Jersey, 7:30PM EST.

That's The Power Of Suck: Kings at Heat tonight. God, every time the Heat play, Corn and I have to play an online version of rock, paper, scissors to decide who has to go. And he keeps using "American Ninja IV." Damn it. Okay. So. Reasons to watch. Um... Kevin Martin is good... no, already talked about that... Shawn Marion in new duds....no.... Dwayne Wade might kill himself? No, already seen it... Ron Artest is f*cking crazy? Way overdone.... uh... wait! I know! Tune in to find out if John Salmons runs the operative point or if Beno continues to! No? Guys? Guys! I hate you, Riley! Sacramento at Miami, 7:30PM EST.

Suicide Is Painless: Holy crap. That Yao Ming thing kind of knocked the wind out of some sails, huh? So now tonight we have no Tuff Juice, no Zero, no Yao for the Rockets-Wizards matchup. Just want to remind everyone there are some great D-League players available if you're interested! Just right there for the picking! Anyway, T-Mac may try and put the team on his shoulders tonight. Which will fail. Miserably. And that DAGGER(!!!) last night may be the thing that turns the Wizards around. But the Rockets still have Scola and Landry, and their fans still believe. So if you want blood, you got it. Washington at Houston, 7:30PM CST.

Where Having Wally Szczerbiak As Your New Teammate Rejuvenates You Happens (Via the Corndogg): Yeah, so what if all of Lebron's new sidekicks are getting older and worse? They are still better than what the Cavs let go, at least I believe that. And it aint like Lebron isnt ready to win. You might remember this. So, who cares about the future (Lebron will be in Brooklyn anyway), so why not try and win now. Another easy step towards to Eastern Conference ceiling... the Bucks and the soon to be GM, The Sports Guy! Cleveland at Milwaukee, 7PM CST.

If You Squeeze The Daily Dime Enough, It Turns Into A Silver Dollar (Via the Corndogg): Allow me to save you some time. Tomorrow morning, instead of reading ESPN's impartial, justified accounts of tonight's NBA action, I can just give you the Suns/Grizz condensed version: Shaq is Awesome, Phoenix's Offense is meshing better, Last Night's Worst = Darko, J.A. Adande still thinks the Spurs are the team to beat, Video of Shaq making a spin move and looking out of breath, don't start Javaris Crittenton in your fantasy league. The End. Phoenix at Memphis, 7PM CST.

Donyell Marshall Hates Getting Wet (Via the Corndogg): This would explain why he ain't cool being in Seattle right now. However, it also explains why Marshall never gets off the bench -- because he hates to sweat, which makes him wet. Get it? Me and Bill Nye, The Science Guy, worked this one out during a g-chat last night. Good thing for Donyell is that his new team is playing in the Bay tonight. And judging by the momentum the Warriors are riding (lost 2 of their last 3, but Yao is out for the year), he might just want to rack up a few more butt splinters tonight and wish his giant contract well. Also, why has SJax been so quite lately? Maybe because of his good attitude and charity work. Seattle at Golden State, 7:30 PM PST.

Keep Acting Like That, And You Will Turn Into The Phoenix Suns (Via the Corndogg): The Jazz, whom at least Marty Burns loves, cannot get any credit. Nobody cares about the Korver trade, nobody thinks D-Will/Booz is formidable, no one cares how hot we have been because of the Lakers and Spurs. Wah, wah, wah. The last time I saw a team this unhappy to be playing so splendidly... well, they ended up with Shaq. So, quit your bitching and just keep winning. Busting the McHales tonight will be a great refresher. There is a reason the Spurs have so many rings. They just don't care about anything but playing better than you. Take a cue from Jerry Sloan and stay pissed off and focused. You are gonna get your shot, so don't screw it up like you did in the WCF last year. Ya Heard? Utah at Minnesota, 7PM CST.

I've Got A Bad Feeling About This:
If you're a Blazers fan, consider tonight to be the sweet merciful end to your season. The Lakers are not to be trifled with, and it's about time for them to have a grand ass-kicking to showcase their dominance. And with Roy out? Who's going to take over? Jarrett Jack? Outlaw? Aldridge? All three of them can have 30 point games and you would still lose by 15. Sorry, Blazer boys and girls. Fun times over. Let the big boys through. Don't worry, you'll grow up enough next year. Portland at LA, 7:30PM PST.

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