15 Reasons To Watch The Games Of The NBA Tonight...
1. Hi Tracy. Might I Show You How To Put A Team On Your Back And Lead Them To Victory (Via The Corndogg): Atlas himself must be in awe of King James. He is by far and away the best player in the league, capable to holding the #4 spot in the East all by himself and scaring the bejesus out of teams like an axe murderer on Halloween. T-Mac, on the other hand, continues to be hurt, disappoint fans and pundits, kill team chemistry and not win. They are almost like mirror images of each other, except not.
2. The Revolution Will Kind Of Be Televised (Via The Corndogg): Webber gonna come a hot-stepping tonight at the Oracle. I was going to do a giant post on how it was this signing (seemingly pointless and disruptive towards all the good graces the Warriors have built) that was the trigger to the Suns deal. But, then I realized that it would be weirder than Free Darko and with less substance. Kind of like my normal posts, but worse. So, instead I just say "Suck It C-Webb," and will push on with more 15s.
3. Just When You Thought You Had A Lot Of Cap Space (Via The Corndogg): Poor Philly. They were playing pretty tough, considering dumping Andre Miller and looking at quite a bit of cap space in the upcoming free agent market. Now, all they get to hear about is how Memphis has uncovered a golden egg full of money and that is Marion decides to opt out in Miami that there will now be a warmer, sexier and flashier alternative to Cheese Steak City in the offseason. You just can't win for losing. Welcome to Philly.
4. Tonight's Fantasy Implications (Via The Corndogg): Should Marion not play (likely) and Wade stay hurt, more likely ;), Andre Iguodala is setting himself up for the best night of his fantasy life (which would be a giant help to me!!: -- This means he will be guarded by Ricky Davis who is as good at defense and I am at grammar; Crap-ola!1!!
5. Good Thing I Don't Listen To Dreamshake (Via The Corndogg): Not that I don't ever read their blog (cause I do, and its great), but they wanted to kill me for finding favor in Rafer Alston. I have always sort of not minded the guy, which is a high compliment coming from me, and not only has he beefed up his productivity since the dawn of 2008, he has cut down on turnovers and played better defense. Not bad for the guy who gets this treatment (although it is funny and true). However, when Alston plays well, so do the Rockets, at least for the most part. So maybe, just maybe, those years of hatred and loathing are finally paying off for Rafer.
6. Abandon All Hope, Ye Who Enter The Oracle (And Please Enjoy Our Halftime Show): The Bulls, without half the damn team, yet still within a game of the 8 spot, are in Golden State tonight. That's not going to go well. Let's just say we like Monta Ellis a little more than Thabo, and we'll take the overpaid, should-retire Webber over the overpaid, should-retire Ben Wallace. Of course Andris Biedrins versus Noah should be a riot.
7. But... You're Dead!: Miami is the new Darkman. After trading the big lug to the Suns, they get Shawn Marion. I got news for you, kiddos. This team is about to turn it around. Matrix is no one to mess with. And now more than ever, he's motivated. Unfortunately, he's also not going to start until Sunday. So the Sixers get to annihilate this mess tonight. And the Heat may lose. They may get killed. But I bet Wade comes out more focused and the team plays better. They came out and played hard against the Pistons last night. We'll see if they can hit the breaks tonight and start the turnaround.
8. Can We Just Have Yao And LeBron Go One On One And Call It? : Actually a pretty good matchup tonight in H-Town. Z versus Yao, like Corn said, the suck of Hughes versus the blow of Alston, and TMac versus his highness. Both teams rebound, both teams hustle. Unfortunately, one team has LeBron James, and the other has one of the recipients of the Carter-family "Please, don't ask me to lead my team" gene. We'll see if overall team can defeat the Greater One tonight.
9. Trillion Watch: "Who Wants To Trillion Mutumbo?!"
10. Random Wikipedia Analogy of the Day (Via The Random Article Link; No Cheating):
Q: What do Tracy McGrady, Tyrus Thomas, Brandan Wright, Larry Hughes, and Jason Williams all need?
A: Testosterone. Which is a hormone.
11. Ridiculous Salary Of The Night: $2.4 Million for one year. Oh, yes, that would be Steve Francis. Nice call, Houston. Even on a one year contract you screw up. He played ten games this season before deciding to go under the knife today. That's $240,000 per game, if you're not good at math. How about hours? Let's say he gets there for warmups at 9, is done by 11. So that's 2 hours. Let's say he arrives for the game at about 2 hours before tip. 3 hour game. Hour to get out. That's 8 hours, right? That's a full day. You know. Hard stuff. Yeah. You paid him $30,000 an hour. I hate you, Rockets, and I hate you, Steve Francis. Feel better, though.
12. Bad (Attitude) News Bears: Think about the amount of attitude we have in one building tonight. Baron Davis. Stephen Jackson. Ben Wallace. Adrian Griffin. Ben Gordon. Chris Webber. We might as well call it the "Don't f*ck with me" Bowl. We're putting the over/under on glares at 15. We just imagine Noah coming over and getting in between Captain Jack and Adrian "Vaunted Veteran Leader" Griffin and saying "Can't we all get along?" before they both turn and beat him with their shoes. Poor Noah. No one understands him.
13. They Should Just Put Luis Scola In A Hobo Outfit: Because the Rockets are homeless. They're 12-9 at home this season. That's gross. Just gross. TMac blames it on the rims, because TMac's a douche, we're becoming more and more convinced. They need to be tough tonight, and turn it around. Cleveland's 12-13 on the road. But they're getting better. Rockets better think of something or a few of them are going to be homeless after this season.
14. Chris, Joakim. Joakim, Chris (Via The Corndogg): A funny matchup of sorts tonight. A guy who was supposed to be the most dominant college big man of his era, who turned out to be a renowned choke artistst who couldnt win the big one and after having the rep for being a great scorer and rebounder had to resort to being a passer, screener and defender in the pros after so many less than dominant seasons and a continued inability to win the big one. Tonight, he gets to meet 2 time NCAA champion and Final Four MVP who never had any cred coming into college and left as a great passer, screener and defender. Now, he has come into the league and showed a wide range of offensive moves and a knack for rebounding while being a vocal leader on a volatile team. So, Noah may not win a ring in the NBA, but he is still better than Webber. Maybe Golden State should have just drafted him instead and saved me from having to write this comparison.
15. Contrary To What You Might Think, I Will Enjoy The Games Tonight (Via The Corndogg): Lots of interesting subplots tonight in the NBA. Will D-Wade finally quit shooting laser beams out of his eyes at Pat Riley? Will C-Webb spontaneously combust after 3 minutes of running with Dizzle & Co.? Will Victor Kryhpya show up ready to play even though he just got bought out? Will Larry Hughes take a bad shot? Will Philadelphia have another sell-out tonight?
16. I Just Kidding (Via The Corndogg): Those last questions were just a joke. All of them are impossible (except the spontaneous combustion. That could happen). We just want you to be as excited for tonight's games as we are for welcoming Shaq to Phoenix. Actually, we want you to feel the opposite -- which would be elation!!