Wednesday, February 20, 2008

15 Footer 2.20.08

We liked the feel of the one-item per game from yesterday. So I think we're going to stick with it, for the time being. We need to know what to name the damn thing, though. So leave your suggestions in the comments, por favor.

Reasons To Watch The Games Of The NBA Tonight:




Starring Jose Calderon As Braniac!: Hope you're not tired of hearing people call Dwight Howard "Superman." Because you're going to be hearing it. For the rest. Of your life. It's funny, Dwight Howard managed to accomplish something in a meaningless exhibition what Shaq was unable to do by permanently marking his body. Odd. Anyway, Magic are visiting the Canucks tonight to take on the Raps. Dwight Howard versus Chris Bosh. The two most entertaining young big men in the game. Jose Calderon versus Hedo Turkoglu. The two most entertaining young European players in the game. Plus the Italian Stallion and Jameer Nelson. This is a perfect storm.

Ring The Bell! It's Diener Time!: Okay, so we all know LeBron will go for near triple double numbers again tonight and actually beat the Pacers. That's pretty simple. But what you may not know about for the Pacers is Travis Diener! This is a kid that was home schooled, leading people to claim that he was held back in order to gain an advantage in athletics. He's like Opie with a machine gun! And he's on the same team as Jamal Tinsley! This is great!





It's Retro Night! As Long As You're Referring to Playoff Seeds From The Mid 2000's.: Chicago and New Jersey meet up tonight as the Nets start the no more Kidd-ing era. Vince Carter should try and establish his dominance tonight with leadership and... bwahahahahaahah. Sorry. Vince Carter will try and put the team on his shoulders in crucial situahahhahhahahaahahhahaahhha. Okay, for real this time. The Nets, led by Carter...ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah. Sorry, I can't do it.

Uh-Oh. You Made It Angry.: We're not saying that the Bucks have no shot in hell tonight versus the Pistons after the Pistons lost to the Magic last night...Okay, yes, that's exactly what we're saying. Run and hide, Mr. Redd. Run and hide. However, at least VNov's starting. That's something, right? The Bucks are a mystery to us. There was no way of seeing that they would be as bad as they are. I mean, they have the worst bench in basketball. But maybe they can catch a slumping Pistons...no? Uh... Viva La Yi!

Kidd: The Other White Meat Big Trade: Okay, Cuban. You got loaded up on Hurricanes down at Pat O's and sent off viable assets for five years for Kidd. Let's see if this half-cocked plan of yours has any legs. LA and Phoenix will get all the attention but there's a game just as big going down in the Easy tonight. The Hornets host the Mavs in their first game with Jason Kidd in the lineup. Kidd's got a lot of pressure, and he has to produce now. Meanwhile, the Hornets are still at the top of the West, but there's no room for error. They need to put together another one of those long win streaks just to maintain their position at the top, nevermind extending it. This is going to be a deathmatch tonight.

HOLY GOD THE TIME HAS FINALLY ARRIVED FOR THE SHAQ-SUNS TO TAKE ON KOBE AND THE LAKERS, OMG OMG OMG OMG!!!!!!!!!!!!! (Via the Corndogg): Yawn. Not much here. You want coverage? Go to espn. Next.

It's Opposite Day! (Via the Corndogg): So, Philly has a shot at the playoffs and they come out and get drilled like Lohan against the T-Wolves. The Knicks get into a fight with each other, then score 23 in OT and beat the Wizz. The NBA, its Fan-tastic! Tonight, who knows what happens. Maybe Marbury glides in on the wings of angels and makes sweet, passionate man love to Isiah while Dalembert goes 10-10 from behind the arc (with his eyes closed) and Willie Green does the halftime show while riding a tricycle over Jerome James' lifeless body (What? You got a better way to describe him?) while juggling chainsaws and balancing a flaming cow-pattie on his head. So, when this happens, don't say I didn't warn ya.

Now This Is A Revenge Game I Can Get Into (Via the Corndogg): Bibby back in Sactown, ya heard? After a peaceful, easy assimilation into the complex Hawks offense last night, a rejuvenated, healthy Bibby will lead his team with courage, timely passing and stellar defense as they try to knock off Crazy Pills and his former teammates. Wait, isn't it opposite day? So that is why I just wrote that crap. Kevin Martin will either blow up for 30 and shove it in J-Smoove's face, or he will get injured. The Vegas Books have the injury at 6-1. I'm taking it.






Seven Minute Abs (Via the Corndogg): Time to do your sit ups, El Tigre. The Warlocks no likey the Beantown Shakedown. They gonna be running your stomach off and breaking Ray-Ray's ankles in half. Lookie like you ain't perfect against the West, no mo. Time for you boys to jus pack it in, cause you through. (Ed. note -- I have no idea why I just wrote that post).




Do You Have Enough Sand For The Grand Finale (Via the Corndogg - in Bill the Butcher voice): That may not be the exact quote, but I can't understand half of the things Daniel Day-Lewis says in that movie. The one thing I do know, is that tonight will be a bloodbath. I cannot even see this one being close. Darko is on his way to the top of the Western Conference. Cassell is loving it in LA. Kyle Lowry is by far and away the best 4th string PG in the league. And, in the real shocker, the Clips might actually field an entire starting 5 tonight. In all seriousness, I do think one team will win by a ton, because that just always kind of seems to happen. Clippers by a jugular.

 
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