Wednesday, February 13, 2008

15 Footer 2.13.08

15 Reasons To Watch The Games In The NBA Tonight:

1. They May Have Moved On, Douchebag, But We Haven't: Some rivalries should never die down. The wounds should never heal. The demons should never be exorcised. The hatorade should flow forever. Raptors versus Vince Carter is one such rivalry. Forget Boston vs. Detroit, the Celtics just got good again after being irrelevant for a decade, and the Pistons don't care enough about anyone to form a real rivalry. But this is a rivalry we can get into. Forged from Carter's tanking and subsequent trade to the Nets, and then resurgence, this is pure hate on the Raptors side. Dinosty's being laid back about it, but you can still sense the bile over at Raptors HQ. The battle resumes tonight in Toronto. Oh yeah, and no Kidd.

2. Who The Hell Is Going To Play For The Mavs Tonight?: It's 2:03PM as I write this, and ESPN is reporting (in a follow-up to an earlier Fanhouse post) that Kidd is headed to Dallas for Stack, Harris, Diop, and cash. Who in the hell is coming off the bench for the Mavs? I guess it's Eddie Jones time! Meanwhile, the Mavs have Portland coming in, who's still dangerous as all hell. Howard's questionable with a back injury, half the team is headed to Jersey possibly, and who the hell else is going to be gone? This is danger city. Which means Dirk goes off for 35 and the Mavs cruise. God, this league is weird.

3. DO NOT FEED THE BEARS HOPE: Oh, great f*cking job, SacTown. You couldn't beat the Grizzlies? The Grizzlies? And not even pre-Kupchak heist Grizz either, you couldn't beat Hakim Warrick and the amazing JCN? Really? Now they have hope. Great job. They're going to go into Philly tonight thinking they can win! Do you realize what you've done? You've given them hope! Hope, you morons! Just for once in your life, couldn't you keep Crazy Pills glued to somebody and not looking around for an ankle to bite? Couldn't just once you get Spencer Hawes to club Warrick like a baby seal and drag him back to his cave for cuddle-time? What's that? Why am I mad at you, when I like the Grizzlies? That's why I'm mad at you, you Arco freaks! The Grizzlies are horrible! But with Beasley down there, they can make a run next year! But they have to tank bad enough to get Wallace to sign some free agents! And they can't do that with you losing to them. Plus, I get to watch the added horror of seeing them come out and try so hard tonight, thinking they can get on a win streak, only to get wiped off the court by Iggy and Dalembert! Next time, sweep the leg, you Cake-listening spazzoids! Oh, and trade Bibby already, for the love of Christ...

4. Win Or Panic: Those are the Hawks options tonight in Charlotte when they take on the Bobcats. The Bobcats are without G-Force, and the Hawks are coming off a 4 point heartbreaker to the Pistons. If they're going to get their feet under them, tonight's the night. They've slid all the way to the 8 spot, and are on the edge of another...well, Hawks-like collapse down the stretch. They've had a pretty good season and are exciting to watch. It's time for this team to buckle down and win the games it should and make the playoffs. We'll see if they can get it done tonight with some great young talent battling back and forth. And Jeff McInnis.

5. If Mirrors Could Suck: Orlando hosts Denver tonight in a battle of teams that are better than 3/4 of the league and much worse than the other quarter. Denver has been hot lately, winning 7 of 10, but they're 11-13 on the road. The good news is Orlando's only 13-10 at home. Both teams feature young superstars and high paid veterans. Both have underrated, talented Euro-bigs (Hedo and Kleiza). And both have underperforming shooting guards. Should be a good matchup, but it's one that the Magic are going to need to be flawless in to win.

6. It's A Rematch Lite: What do you get when you take the Finals teams from last season, take out Tony Parker, Anderson Varejao, and bang up Z and a handful of other Cavs? A game that has almost no redeeming value. Fortunately, that redeeming value is LeBron James. This one pretty much hinges on Tim Duncan. If he has another "I am master of the glass, it will bend to my will" night, the Cavs are sunk. But if they can keep Manu to human levels, and LeBron does his thing, this might be a game. Of course, we doubted the Cavs last time, and they beat the crap out of the Spurs.

7. Let's Just Say, Hypothetically, That Snuff Films Were Your Bag, Baby: Our favorite Knicks post of the entire year was Posting And Toasting after the Boston Massacre. Guess what's tonight? This is getting DVR'd on "Do Not Delete" Status and then backed up onto my hard drive. Why? Because I'm a basketball sadist. That's why. Oh, and this comes right off the heels of rumors of Curry and Zack getting traded. This is delicious. I just wish the Ticket was playing.

8. Welcome Back, Lakers! We Missed You!: The Wolves host the UNSTOPPABLE, AWE-INSPIRING, UNBEATABLE FORCE THAT IS THE LAKERS tonight. Al Jefferson and Randy Foye versus Kobe Bryant and Pau Gasol. Yikes. The Lakers are prone to random bouts of ineptitude, but they went 6-2 on the Grammys trip coming into tonight, and this one could get out of hand quickly. The Lakers are feeling the momentum, and that's always a dangerous combination. However, without Chris Mihm, they could be vunerable to... (giggle)...I can't finish that. Lakers roll. The good news? If KG's any example, the Lakers should expect a standing ovation and chants of "MVP!" for Kobe as they pistol-whip the fans' favorite team.

9. Much Like Chumbawumba, It's A Lot Of Fun, But There's Really No Defense For It: Suns and Warriors tonight at the Oracle. We'll call this one 0:00:00:000001 BS- Before Shaq. There will be no competent big men on the floor, lots of passing, lots of cutting, lots of threes, lots of alley-oops and absolutely no defense. It's kind of the end of an era, and it's fitting that these two teams will meet as they both try and get some defense and inside presence to win a championship instead of the fun and gun. Settle in to the WWL, pour one out for the endless alley-oops and watch a game that should be in the 240s. Beautiful.

10.I Mean, It Could Be Worse. It Could Be Memphis (Via the Corndogg): Devin Harris will probably not be catching the first plane out of DFW and trying to get to Newark, but hey, the kid got dealt. Now deal with it. It sure is going to be fun watching the ball disappear into the black hole of Carter/Jefferson for the next couple years. But hey, at least you get those new digs in Brooklyn in 2 years, right?

11. Of Course He Ain't Ashton Kutcher. Demi Doesn't Do His Laundry (Via the Corndogg): Dirty Drawers Korver and the Jazz head up to Clay Bennett-ville to whip up on the Sonics tonight. Between the ridiculousness of Kyle's uncleanliness and the stupidity of Maximus Szczerbiak, you just gotta wonder what is wrong with white folk.

12. Seems Like Old Times (Via the Corndogg): Knicks casually and listlessly stroll up to the Garden tonight. The last time this happened, my favorite blog post title ever occurred. Something tells me that without KG and Perkins, this game could be a lot different. That something is a voracious liar.

13. We'll Be Right Back (Via the Corndogg): Hornets pop up to Milwaukee tonight before heading back to board up their houses and seek refuge before the gang storm hits NOLA this weekend (we at HP will be a part of that. Pray for us. Please!!). Should be a nice little tune up and get CP3 & Co. slotted solidly in that #2 in the west. You've just gotta think that without making any moves (and with that bench, we understand why?) that you feel they are going to be forgotten about as the season rolls along.

14. The "Wait Till Next Year" Bowl: Clip without Brand, Livingston, and whoever else is on the injured list tonight. Wiz , without Zero, and whichever version of the Wiz shows up, along with a banged up Butler. Here's a hint, Jordan. Play Haywood more than 5 minutes in the fourth versus Kaman. Or he'll eat you. Next year, this could either be an amazing game, or both of the stars of these teams could be gone, along with Antawn Jamison. So, I guess, watch, and imagine. Squint real hard and Tim Thomas looks like Elton Brand. That is a lie.

15. Random Wikipedia Analogy of the Day
(Via The Random Article Link; No Cheating): Jazz and Sonics meet up tonight. Man, Bennett just can't seem to shake these pesky, devoted fans. He needs a master escape. Especially after the team gets shock and awed by the Booze cruise and Hot Stuff Deron tonight. Perhaps he should turn to Bess Houdini for inspiration. After all, she was a happening lately, and a helpful partner. Unlike those morons that keep ratting him out down in OKC. And much like Bennett, she ended up buried apart from her betrothed. We can only hope the same fate for Bennett and his beloved Sonics.

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