It is tough to feel shafted after you have paid $10 for a ticket to a pro basketball game, walked right past the security guards and into the $120 seats. This is what happened to me (plus my girlfriend and two buddies of mine) while I was in Charlotte for New Year's Eve. We all decided to go the game, at the predictably 33% capacity Bobcats Arena. In fact, the game, against the Pacers, was an awesome contest that went to overtime and saw that thrice annual "holy fu#king sh!t, Gerald Wallace is awesome" display (usually, I have lost that loving feeling by the next game when he shoots 3-16 and commits 5 fouls with 8 minutes still to go in the 3rd). That part was great. Hey, even the crowd started to get into it in the final few minutes -- as opposed to numerous lulls in the action when there was legitimately not a sound heard in the entire arena. Fortunately, for the super fans 3 rows in front of us, they made sure to scream loudly "Put Okafor In." Then, quite a few folks in the crowd would laugh (from various corners of the arena), Sam Vincent would look embarrassed and Morrison would take an insulin shot behind the bench.
But, that is not really my point. In this day and age when most of us in the blogosphere, or even those that just read blogs regularly, feel that we would be superior employees within the league in almost every capacity, I get that point reinforced with such a ferocity and completeness that I really have to wonder (even more so than normal) if people that work for the NBA are infected with a FU#KING MORON virus. During the halftime show, we were subjected to this:
The laughter you hear in the first video is me. I cannot contain myself. I am laughing about how pissed I would be if I dropped $250 for a courtside seat and got AIR RUFUS AND THE BLOWUPS for my halftime show! I would be in the asylum. I thought "This can not be happening."
My point is, someone thought this would be a good idea. The same kind of person that though Battlefield Earth would be a good idea. That thought the Titanic would be a good idea. That thought 2 Girls, 1 Cup (no link provided. You are welcome) was a good idea. Do you see what I mean? If I applied for the presumably, newly vacated job of Entertainment Coordinator for the Bobcats, I wouldn't get a second thought, even though I have 2 degrees from a great school, plenty of experience, and judging based on this blog, I know what funny is. But whomever birthed this debacle from their wretched womb still, probably, has that job. When you pay people $22,000 a year, they puke up this crap. It is almost as unbelievable as Isiah. Almost.
Go screw yourself, NBA. I'd rather watch "Hatchet vs. Genitals."
If anyone who reads this blog (and you know you are out there) has ever seen a more inexplicable halftime show that this, please leave a comment. That way, I can pity someone besides myself.
Luckily, we went out and figured out some solutions.
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
You Get What You Pay For
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24 comments:
There are a multitude of halftime events more stimulating and valuable that Sir Rufus, but I will have to tell you, there is only room for employment. It can easily be assumed that the incompetant employee who pitched this one was on his way out, until the exec saw the blowups slam their heads on the deck at the end of the routine. This saved his job, and hopefully we'll see a panda on a unicycle spinning plates.
At the Raptors-Pistons game last week (ESPN-covered, no less), the sell-out crowd got to watch Steve Max, the world's best Simon Sez player showcase his skill/craft/talent at center court during halftime.
Yes, you read that correctly. Simon Sez. And apparently self-proclaiming 'world's best' doesn't invite authenticity checks in Toronto.
Check out this useless hack here at http://www.simonsez.com/
Can't wait until he's indicted on kiddie charges in two years. "Simon says, drop your pants."
Same show at Miami vs. Memphis Sunday. I would've rather seen a slapfight between Casey Jacobsen and Chris Quinn.
This is a few years back, but me and my college roommate dropped big bucks for floor seats to a Bulls/Jazz game in Chicago, because we were huge Stockton/Malone fans. Anyway, the halftime show was called Duo Design, a "strength and hand-balancing act from Warsaw, Poland." Basically, it's two sweaty, topless guys in tights doing gymnastics off each other's bodies. Seriously.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zEPanEiF89w
In Portland, a common halftime event is to have dance teams from Eastern and Central Oregon Middle Schools do dance routines to Motley Crew dressed as 2 bit hookers.
On a couple of other occasions, we got to see grade school girls basketball teams play one another.
Also in the Rose Garden, we've seen Blaze the Dog, in this same inflatable suit, dancing (or some decrepit attempt at movement) to that horrible song, Soulja Boy. For the entire song. It was truly bad. Even when he tried to crank that Supaman . . . still sucked.
The Suns had (as far as I can tell) started doing the blow-up mascot thing about a half-decade ago, and they're still occasionally around but are mostly in a support role. To their credit, the Suns' Gorillas do some pretty weird stuff (spinning on his head, spinning on his hand, sliding around, etc.) that is more impressive than clapping.
So you can blame them for the idea, I suppose, but it's almost worse that it was copied, and done less impressively.
I (obviously) follow the Suns and their halftime shows are moderately entertaining; they stick to tried-and-true stuff like audience contests (dancing, human bowling, and of course shooting the basketball), spectacular dunks from trampolines, lighting things on fire, driving a Harley across the court, shooting giveaways into the audience, etc.
Cedric Ceballos (the guy who did the blindfolded slam dunk) MC's, and he's gotten pretty good at it.
Is it good enough for $1000 per ticket and it *isn't* courtside (yeah, you read that right)? No. Not even close. For that money, I expect a massage and to join the pregame shootaround.
But it's better than that annoying clap song.
One of my favorites was the Portland Vs. Seattle game on Christmas (I think) when they rolled out that gospel singer. Really? At an NBA game? It's all pretty funny. They do this stuff to be family friendly all while they have scantily clad women dancing like strippers most of the game.
I know we're talking about NBA halftime shows, but I saw the WORST halftime ever at a University of Portland vs. Oregon basketball game this year (at U of P).
At mid-court, they had 2 U of P students go out and play Memory with giant cards (about 2x4 ft)that had stupid sorta basketball related pictures on them. One would pick up a card, look at it, and show it to the crowd. Then, they'd try another, and see if it matched. They kept doing this until the game was over (probably 10 or so pairs to find).
I was dumbfounded. Sure, I might be spoiled by going to mostly NBA or MAJOR college basketball games (I'm a UofO grad, hence my attendance), but seriously guys. That was so lame. I'd rather watch someone play Rummy or Go Fish. At least it'd be comical to see people try to hold the giant cards in their hands.
I just went to a college basketball game at the American Airlines Center last Saturday night. They had the exact same, and I do mean exact, halftime show. Same music, same dance, same boring crap. Although, I did notice 2 kids under the age of 6 enjoy that more so than any part of the actual game.
Love the videos. This is the kind of shiz that makes you wonder "Why the hell am I following the NBA? I might as well have paid to go see the Wiggles than torture myself with this garbage." Followed up by "Does anyone know when the Quick Changers are performing at Half Time? I HAVE to get tickets to that game."
Check out me and my friends Utah Jazz Blog. Funniest Jazz blog out there...of course, that's not saying much.
http://myutahjazz.blogspot.com
I'd love to link up with your blog. Good stuff.
A few years back I attended a Cavs game where there was some sort of pig theatre going on at halftime.
They had a handful of pigs putting on scenes such as having one in a dress, on it's hind legs, pushing another, in a bonnet, in one of those old fashioned strollers.
The crowd booed. Lustily and with good reason.
LeCavs!
At the Coca Cola Shoot-Out in St. Louis, I watched no fewer than 5 highschool dance teams come and perform to the theme song from Mortal Combat.
It seems people consider that the quality of the half-time entertainment should be on par with the basketball action. Is the half-time performance really so important? I thought it was nothing more than a diversion.
This is the most dissapointing use of blow up dolls and hip-hop musicI've ever seen...
Which teletubby was the gay one? My money says the gay teletubby paid off the half-time entertainment director for a chance to bore all 12 of the Bobcats fans.
This is B-bawful's old roommate. The part he left off is that we thought we'd try it. In our first practice, there was this awkward tumble that resulted in an unfortunate taint-and-teabag moment. We went back to playing NBA Live.
Actually, in honesty, I love awful halftime shows. It's a great time to pound some extra beers. And we are STILL huge Stockton/Malone fans, dammit.
In high school, my high school band would always play at one 76ers game a year. For the first half, we had to play bits of songs during commercials breaks and then play halftime. 2nd half was all free. That was cool.
Does anyone really care what the halftime entertainment is?
Dude, that ish looked awesome to me! Specially the first video. Pure comedy right thurr! (No, I mean it.)
Also, big ups to my Stockton/Malone guys up there, best that ever played it!
The University of Maryland has some great half times shows - here's what I'd recommend:
Jump Rope
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WeekJ_KK5ig
Twirlers
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=VUmHUQW1-Go&feature=related
Gymkana
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XFgLkd5cugM
P.S. Gymkana always works.
this is an important gymkana element:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=A1IxQFfHIPM&feature=related
A few more Raptors halftime shows:
1. When they played in the Skydome, I went to a game where a dude just sat on his ass at centre court and displayed his "amazing" dribbling skillz. He started out dribbling one ball behind his back, then two balls between his knees and eventually reached the climax (for which i will give him minor props) of dribbling 4 balls at his side while sitting. The problem was THIS IS THE SKYDOME. From my seat in the last row of the 200 level, he was just a dude rocking back and forth sitting at centre court. When I leaned into the aisle, I could watch the videofeed on the centre court displays but otherwise, my view of the displays was blocked by the giant concrete slab that is the floor of the 300 level.
2. Also Skydome days, dude in tuxedo tails spinning plates while the insanity-inducing intro to Sabre Dance played over and over and over.
3. I wasn't at this game but a few years ago, the Raptors had a fire dancer come out to entertain the crowd. Pretty cool, I'd imagine. The problem was she spilled oil all over the court. OOPS. Delayed the second half for like 20 minutes.
since when the hell do you have two degrees.
"b." and "a." are not distinct diplomas.
I think the NBA league office has a sheet of about 15 acts to choose from and that's it, get something else local for the other 25 home games. The Bobcats, never to spend too much money, have had kids play basketball, wheelchair basketball(twice), the rubber man last night(disgusting) and one night they didn't have anything. It was the day before Christmas Eve, I think, so they played a 10 min clip from Home Alone, the movie from what 15 years ago? I wonder if they even paid for rights.
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