Tuesday, January 22, 2008

The Miami Heat Are Kind Of Like...

I asked a bunch of bloggers (who shall remain nameless to protect the innocent, but the Blowtorch, Dinosty, and Dream Shake were all involved. God knows those guys aren't innocent in any way.) this question.

Things that compare to the Miami Heat. Go.

Here are the responses.

John Kruk's cancerous, removed testicle.

Death by drowning.In blood

Indian Food rotting in a dumpster behind a SPAM factory.

Any Eddie Murphy film between 1992 and 2001 except for Life.

The Eagles Greatest Hits.

They are as bad as we wish the Knicks would be.

Every scene from Jackie Brown not involving Samuel L. Jackson.

Hearing "Let's just be friends."

Having the best sex dream of your life... only to wake up next to your visiting uncle Roy.

Having the best sex of your life with your visiting Uncle Roy.

Finding out that Uncle Roy is preggers.

Being Uncle Roy.

Or Aunt Jeanette.

Having this conversation.

Tanking games only to miss out on Tim Duncan and Greg Oden/Kevin Durant (pre-KG trade)

endless Who Shot Mamba? teasers
George Muereson naked
Mark Madsen's dance-a-thon.

Being a part of that Borat fight.

Britney Spears

Taking a job as roadie for the Limp Bizkit reunion tour.

Seeing your daughter in a porn.

Being forced to memorize every line of Kangaroo Jack .


The engineer of the Titanic.

Giving oral sex to Kathy Bates.

Having OJ for a father.

I love orange juice.

The sheer despravity of Pat Riley ending up with the 4th pick in the draft and having to take OJ Mayo.

Having to watch The Joy Luck Club with your girlfriend and her mother.

A unicorn with foot-and-mouth disease. Duh.

The feeling of a metal pole slamming into your nuts on a cold day.


Living in Tuscon.

How about a thousand puppies committing suicide by jumping off a bridge into water filled with hungry bear-sharks with lasers on their head while 3 dozen school buses filled with kindergarten children watched.

The fact that they only give you two napkins at Subway no matter what size sandwich you order.

Orange-Mocha-Frappuccino fueled gasoline fights that end in tragedy.

Every Everclear album after Everything To Everyone.

Taking hilarious prank photos of your passed out roommate...only to discover he's dead.

Finding out that Pat Riley has been holding onto your watch Pulp Fiction style.

Having Greg Ostertag on your roster for 9 years, letting him walk, then bringing him back a year later.

Discovering your Uncle Roy IS Greg Ostertag.

2 Ostertags, 1 Cup.

watching the English Patient in a theater at 2am.
(I know because I've done it. It was awful.)

"The Anna Nichole Smith Show"

Battlefield Earth

Being Jeff Bridges' character at the end of Arlington Road.

Dane Cook's material since he became famous.

Feel free to add your own in the comments.

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