Monday, January 28, 2008

Breaking News: Your Mom Interested In Damon Stoudemire





YOUR MOM'S HOUSE-HP- Reports surfaced today that Your Mother is interested in acquiring recently bought-out Memphis point guard Damon Stoudamire. Your Mom joins a growing group of interested parties including the Boston Celtics, the Toronto Raptors, the Orlando Magic, the San Antonio Spurs, the Phoenix Suns, the Miami Heat, the Harlem Globetrotters, the Virginia Squires, the New York Giants, The Globo Gym Purple Cobras, the Polyphonic Spree, the Borg, and the Federated States of Micronesia. Your Mom declined comment today, but sources close to Your Mom say that she is interested in adding the point guard to an already formidable lineup of cookies, cleaning, workin' it with your dad in the laundry room, voting independent, singing Eagles tunes, and playing a mean game of Tetris.

Stoudamire was bought out on Monday, following a long and unpleasant affair with star forward Pau Gasol. After years of what is being referred to in some circles as a "close relationship with his super-friend", Gasol and Stoudamire split following the arrival of Pau Gasol's super-duper-uber-buddy Juan Carlos Navarro. Since the dissolution of that relationship, Stoudamire has lost playing time, confidence, and feeling in his left shoulder blade. Oddly, though on the inactive list for several weeks, Stoudamire has still managed to outscore New Jersey Net, Jason Collins.

Details are sketchy at this hour as to the details of Your Mom's offer to Stoudamire, but sources tell HP that cookies, cuddling, and "special time" are definitely involved in the offer. It is unknown at this time if Stoudamire will opt to join your mom over the sweet tempting love of Manu Ginobili in San Antonio or the possibility of gaining Tommy Points in Boston. Keep checking HP for more news on Your Mom.

 
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