Monday, January 14, 2008

Blogger MVP/ROY Rankings

The Blogger MVP/ROY Rankings are up over at the Italian Sixers4Guidos. You can see the results there. Hint: People are really big on that kid that plays really well on a really crappy team with Larry Hughes. Named LeBron. What? Too much?

Here's our Ballot.

10. Dwight Howard- Yup, they're .500 in their last 10. Yup, they lost to the Kings. Yup, they're more up and down than Britney off her meds. We don't care. Big Baby Jesus is still king in our book, even if he is a baby daddy now.
9. LeBron James-7-3 in their last ten. Career mark for rebounds. Leading his team in the clutch. His Lebronness is making a serious push for the top spot, but his team's transparent mediocrity is holding him back... for now.
8. Kevin Garnett- Best player. Best team. Although you're going to hear some things about Pierce from us, soon.
7. Chris Paul- Another up and comer. If he keeps playing like this, someone in New Orleans might notice. Maybe a tourist. Passing through. If they read about him online.
6. Kobe Bryant- ... We still hate ourselves. If Derek Fisher didn't love his freakin' daughter so much, this guy would never be on our list. Stupid awe-inspiring fatherhood and respect for life...
5. Steve Nash- "Hi. When I vomit, I don't play. And when I don't play, watching us makes you vomit. So, by proxy, I control when you vomit. That most valuable enough for you?"
4. Brandon Roy- Someday we'll find the scroll sent down from Heaven that explains how in the hell these guys are winning 63% of their games. Until then, we'll just assume Brandon Roy is Spider-Man.
3. Rasheed Wallace- We have to put a Piston on here. Rasheed has his own fansite. Does Chauncey? Rip? Maxiell? No. Need4Sheed is good enough for an MVP vote.
2. Stephen Jackson- Captain Jack led the inmates to a win over the Spurs, which, much like the asylum, are actually prescribed as sedatives.
1. Caron Butler- Tuff Juice. Good for what ails you.

1. Kevin Durant- Horford is almost even here. Why? Because his shooting percentage doesn't cause spontaneous bleeding of the eyes.
2. Al Horford- The guy above him is flashy, but exists as a bright spot on one of the worst teams in the league. Horford, meanwhile, is a key piece of a young up and coming team built on team chemistry and dynamic play. Congratulations, Horford, you're the Spurs in the Rookie of the Year Microcosm. Welcome to Hell.
3. Luis Scola- Instant offense. Instant defense. Instant intensity. Much like Yao is instant foul trouble and McGrady is instant injury.
4. Yi Jianlian- Yup, that surrender to the Bucks management worked out real well, China. Let's put it this way. Charlie Bell is making him look bad, lately.
5. Juan Carlos Navarro- He'd be much higher on this list if we weren't sure that God hated the Grizzlies and didn't want to risk the Lord's wrath.

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