Tuesday, January 8, 2008

15 Footer 1.8.08

EIC Matt is comin' down with a bug (and not Julian Wright), so we're only dropping 10 today.

15 10 Reasons to Watch the Games in the NBA Tonight:

1. Eat Your Heart Out, Mikki Moore (Via The Corndogg): No. Seriously. Eat your heart out. Literally pull your still beating blood fist out of your chest and eat it. Because if you don't Dwight Howard will. In homage to one of out favorite blogs (and because it sounds like something Howard would say before feasting on Moore' blood): My Brain Says Rage.

2. Not Even The TV Networks Care: That title, admittedly, does not go out of its way to describe why you should watch Indy at Utah. We say, do it for AK47's wife. That should be worth it. And lest not forget her sage wisdom , either. Or, you can listen to it on the radio (whatever that is) and not have to see Boozer or Dunleavy's mug. Hence, their pics are not pasted on HP. That's a big plus.

3. Carolina Gang Bang (Via The Corndogg): Guarantee Jordan will be in the house tonight as the Nets take on the Bobcats. The Cigar-meister never misses a chance to play grab ass and find Charlotte trim for his successors at Chapel Hill. With Vince-anity in town tonight (without Frederic Weis), you know Jeff McInnis (note: The Website is not for the Charlotte Bobcat point guard, Jeff McInnis) gonna be getting plenty of sloppy thirds up in that. Also, watch for Okafor to drop 20/20, if you get tired of watching Carolina Gang Bangs.

4. Need 4 Seed (Via The Corndogg): As it stands now, the Wizards (yes, those Wizards) would be the 4 seed in the East. THE 4 SEED!!!! And I feel terrible, because we hardly ever talk about these guys (sans the occasional Matt-tastic BJ of Caron Butler). But seriously, I love watching the NBA, following the games, knowing the teams. And, for the life of me, I cannot recall 1 time I even so much as whispered "Washington" (not that I make it a practice to whisper major American cities in the first place) in the annals of HP. What are these guys doing right? I guess you can watch tonight's game and then let me know. So I can be a better fan, and perhaps, less of an A-Hole.

5. This Is Going To Be Eerily Similar To Death To Smoochy: We fully expect Richard Jefferson to go batsh*t insane tonight and start screaming at Gerald Wallace to save himself before it's too late when the Nets meet the Bobcats. The only thing that's missing is Jason Collins in Jason Kidd in the role of Danny DeVito.

6. Even Their Mommas Don't Think They're Special:
Knicks at Chicago tonight. Don't you just imagine David Stern at home, drinking scotch, watching the teams from the two biggest markets battle it out in a suckfest to see who gets ripped on more tomorrow, and wondering where it all went wrong, right before he orders a tax audit on Isiah? Yeah, me too.

7. A Philosophic Question Regarding Charlie Bell: If the Heat play the Bucks without Shaq or DWade, does it make a sound? Answer: Yes, the horrible, horrible sound of terrible basketball and Ricky Davis crotchsweat dripping.

8. Men Who Love Women And The Lots And Lots of Women That Love Them.: It's nice to see that as we gear up for the Olympics in Bejing, there's something for American athletes and Chinese athletes to come together about . They both love poon.

9.Pretending Is The Funnest Game Ever! :
Just imagine tonight that the Kings have Ron Artest back in the lineup. And Kevin Miller. And Mike Bibby. And that Spencer Hawes is as good as Dwight Howard. And that the Kings can play offense. Or defense. Or better yet, just pretend they're not there! A Magic shootaround would be pretty fun to watch anyway.

10. Dawn Of The Stapled Dead: We figured out how the Lakers got so good so quick. They're eating well. Egads! Run for the hills! Ronnie Turiaf is lose and he's out for blood! Question, would that, or would that not be more terrifying than the fact that the Lakers have a legitimate shot at the #1 Seed in the West?

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