Friday, January 4, 2008

15 Footer 1.4.08

15 Reasons To Watch The Games in the NBA Tonight:

1. If They All Combine Like Voltron, It Would Be A Giant Jeff McGinnis: The Magic and the Rockets face off tonight in a battle of teams with exceptional frontcourts and backcourts that seem to run around much akin to poultry farm animals who have been decapitated. Nelson started off great and Arroyo's had moments, but the Rockets are a mess at point. So we feel they should combine forces into a gigantic mediocre point guard. At least then they could defend us from that Cloverfield thing.

2. The Following 15 Footer Is Brought To You By Air Canada: Dinosty chimed into our inbox this morning to remind us that "the Raptors are facing Le Pistons tonight, and Delfino's going to show them that not every foreign player is Darko...can't give up on them. " We like Josh over at Dinosty. We think he's definitely in the mix for Rookie Blogger of the Year. But if he thinks the Pistons are losing to the Raps tonight, he's gone aboot the bend. (You're welcome, DinoNation, we've just guaranteed you victory, a la the Nuggets last night).

3. GOJIRA! I Mean... El Tigre Monstruoso!: Grizzlies get to face Boston tonight, and HP's crack coaching staff has the perfect gameplan to topple the Celtics. Okay, first, get some of that great Memphis Barbecue. Then, throw it in a corner of the court when the Celtics come out. Then, when they're distracted and fighting over it and accidentally tearing Rajon Rondo to shreds thinking he's a small piece of brisket... RUN. Or Rudy Gay can score 33, Gasol can get off his ass, Conley can keep the fires burning on the "Damon Stoudamire, See You Later" Train, and the Grizz can pull an upset.

Nope, let's just try the BBQ.

4. They're Like Blanca, They Just Won't Die: The Nets, that is. Everytime they go on a slide and we think "Finally, FINALLY, they'll blow the team up!", the Nets win a game and everything goes back to normal. No one's happy, but no one's unhappy enough to change anything. Maybe the Nazr-led Bobcats can deliver the death knell tonight with some help from HP favorite Wallace. Otherwise, we're just going to fire Hadouken at them all day until they finally trade Kidd.

5. Zero's Going To Outscore Charlie Bell Tonight: The Charlie Bell phenomena has been well covered. Which means he's due for an explosion. Of course, he's facing one of the most sound defensive squads in the league and a team that needs a win to stay in close contact with Atlanta (shudder for confusion). So that should work out well for him. Bullets Forever says Jamison needs to stay away from the arc.

6. Dirty South Meets... Um... Rancidy Indy? We Got Nothing: Speaking of the Hawks, they're in Indiana tonight taking on the rough and tumble Pacers. Indiana's lost 5 in a row to fall to 15-18 and have seemed pretty out of sync in doing so. They've had some tough competition, though, so maybe facing a young Hawks team is just what the doctor ordered. Unless he ordered "not getting shot at anymore." Because any time Atlanta's involved, that's not a good prescription.

7. We Agree To Disagree(Via The Corndogg):

Matt: " I cannot think of a worse game to watch tonight than Spurs/Knicks."
Corn: "Are you fu@king crazy? A team full of loser, with no chemistry, a delusional coach/front office, poor effort and a sold out stadium every night vs. a team full of winners, with loads of chemistry, the most enviable coach/front office, tremendous effort (even through injuries) and not a soul to watch them do it."
Matt: "But still, it would be boring."
Corn: "But can you imagine the amount of sh$t Van Gundy would heave on the Knicks. The commentary would like going to a Lewis Black comedy show."
Matt: "No he wouldn't. He still has a vested interest in the community."
Corn: "Who gives a fu@k . Its the Knicks, everyone wants to sh$t on them"
Matt: "True."

8. WWDSS? (What Would Dream Shake Say?)(Via The Corndogg): About me just picking up Rafer Alston in Fantasy. Oh yeah, and he thinks the Rockets will win tonight . I suppose everyone is entitled to an opinion. Even when they are wrong. Howard begins his second trimester MVP run tonight!! (Ed. note: We love Dream Shake)

9. Who Are These Guys?(Via The Corndogg): Does anyone out there care about the Hawks? I haven't so much as seen one of their players names on ESPN in about a month (sans the occasional Al Horford for ROY blip). Isn't this the mug of a superstar ? Hasn't Tyronne Lue impregnated someone recently? Usher ain't been to one of their games in a couple weeks? These guys sucks. For a team full of "athletic, long, swing-type players," they bore us to tears.

10. An Honest To Goodness, Actual Good, Competitive Game Tonight!?!?!?!?!?(Via The Corndogg): Detroit in Toronto. The Pistons look great. Have been playing better than anytime I can remember. The Raps have show a knack for playing well in big games, especially when they can exploit their odd matchup problems ( i.e. nothing but Euro wings draining shots and getting gritty steals). Antonio McDyess is having a career renaissance. Maxiell vs. Bosh. Potential uptempo basketball that doesn't involve a turnover every third possession. Yeah, sorry, nothing snarky to write about this. Weird :(

11. If It Were a Bowl Game, It Would Be the Poopsmith Bowl: Sacramento faces Cleveland tonight, in the kind of game where we can only hope for some sort of bizarre statistical anomaly, like Spencer Hawes scoring 40, or Z breaking the rebounding record. Maybe if LeBron actually achieved flight, that would do it. Or if he breathed fire. Or managed to make this team look like it can win even 2 games in a series against Boston or Detroit. Nah, that's too much. Not even LeBron can do that.

12. Lookout World, Here Come The Nuggets (Without A Spell Checker)!: Somebody special must have picked up Kleiza in his decorated chair yesterday, because the Nuggets beat the freaking Spurs, thereby fulfilling the weekly requirement that the NBA make no sense at any point. We were thrilled, but confused by the outcome. Now here's the best part. The Nuggets just faced one of, if not the toughest team in the NBA, and won. Now they get the worst team in the league, Minnesota. So, them being the Nuggets and all, we predict Minnesota will win. Oh, and Linas had 0 points, 2 rebounds, and 2 assists in 15 minutes. Kleiza, that kind of performance will not land you in the HP Lithuanian Hall of Fame.

13. Iggy, Iggy, Iggy, Can't You See: Iguodala and his merry band of Sixers take on LA tonight, who at this point are figuring they're going to have to use some sort of gash in the space time continuum to overtake the Suns for the division. If 7-3 and a head to head victory isn't going to do it, what will? Lakers should roll tonight, since the Sixers have run out of gas, and Bynum hasn't. All's well, though, then the Sixers can start rebuilding for the 11,000,000th time.

14. Remember Where You Are - This Is Thunderdome, And Death Is Listening, And Will Take The First Man That Screams.: Is there a more fitting Mel Gibson analogy for Chris Paul leading his Hornets into the Oracle tonight to take on the bloodthirsty psychopaths of the Warriors? Peja can play the role of Tina Turner! We love this matchup and wish it was on instead of Miami-Dallas, because, you know, both teams are actually good and stuff. We know, we're so demanding.

15. NeedMoreCharlieBell (Via The Corndogg): This is the name of my fantasy basketball team. It is also paramount to what is wrong with the Bucks right now. Obviously, the more he is on the floor, the less effective the Bucks are. That is like saying "the more trees you cut down means there are less trees still standing." I can't help but think his ineffectiveness is directly associated with my Fantasy team name curse. In fact, I have recently dropped from 1st to 3rd, and to that I say "Go FU#K yourself, Charlie Bell." I was going to predict a preposterous Bucks win (due to the Nuggs being on the 2nd day of a back to back and having miraculously beaten the Spurs last night), but screw that -- Nuggets roll!!!!

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