Thursday, January 3, 2008

15 Footer 1.3.08

So we were way off on the JET thing, but Dampier was a beast. So we've got that going for us.

At some point, we're going to have to start looking at the Celtics and a run at history. I know, they haven't been as impressive as Jordan's Bulls. My response? Have the Patriots been as impressive as the '72 Dolphins? Sneak away wins against Indy, the Ravens, and the Giants make me say "no." But are they still undefeated and part of history now? Absolutely.

So, I was thinking. Regarding Portland. This is a perfect storm, right? You've got Ewing theory with Zack Randolph, and some kind of reverse Ewing Theory with Oden where the team is better with him, even when he's not playing. Bizarre. Simply Bizarre.

Three games tonight. Not an ideal situation for us to get back to full strength, but hey, if DWade will go out there and keep trying for no apparent reason at all, we can suck it up.

15 Reasons To Watch the Games of the NBA Tonight:

1. This Ain't A Scene, It's A Godd*mn Trail Blaze: Okay, Boyly Boy. This isn't New York, or Charlotte. You've got Big Nifty, ROY, and the Jack Attack in Chi-Town tonight. Now, we don't want to scare you, but we feel it's important to let you know. Big Nifty is a menace. He's averaging 18 and 7. And he's probably got a little bit of a bitter spot for you for passing him up. Also, if Vanilla Przybilla outperforms Wallace tonight? Just take him out behind the barn. Seriously. It's time.

2. Q: Does the Ewing Theory Apply To Coaches?: Be wary, oh great Blazathon. There but walks the devil, and his name is Interim Coach. Boylan's Boys are 3 out of their last 5, and everyone from Kirk Hinrich, to Gordon, to Noah have shown signs of life. Hell, I saw Ben Wallace fight for an offensive rebound and score the other day versus the Magic. They're on TNT, where the Bulls are much better all around, and they're at home. If you want to keep the magic alive, you need to make sure to get Nifty involved, and The Model needs to get in the act. Good news is, you should be able to get Hinrich to foul out by the start of the 2nd. Quarter.

3. Run Silent, Run Deep: The Spurs care enough to beat you. Just not enough to make it look convincing. The annual Spurs trip to being the most mediocre conference leader during the season is under way! It's pretty ridiculous that the Spurs can just cruise the way they are and still go .500 in their last 10. With all the injuries and everything else, they're still just plugging along. The Suns loss won't bother them and I think they've pulled off the accelerator once the injuries started piling up. What's amazing is they'll still end up crushing an athletic Denver squad tonight (you're welcome, Denver).

4. One Of These Things Is Not Like The Other: Let's compare real quick. Anthony Carter: Tony Parker- Advantage= Spurs. Allen Iverson: Michael Finley- Advantage=Nuggets. Carmelo Anthony: Bruce Bowen- Advantage= Nuggets. Kenyon Martin:Tim Duncan- Advantage=Spurs. Marcus Camby: Fabricio Oberto- Advantage= Nuggets. So keep that in mind when the Spurs win by 20 and you hear everyone talk about how you need superstars.

5. Ooooooklahoma, Where The Jack*sses Come Sweeping Down The Plains: Truth be told, one of us has family in Oklahoma. And the other has a fondness for the Sooners born out of a deep, deep hatred for the Texas Longhorns due to the mindless nature of their fans (even though he's a Duke fan. Yeah.). But it's a good thing we're not Sonics fans, because apparently a requirement is to outright root against everything that has anything to do with the state of Oklahoma. We're going to level with you. We think the ridiculous anti-OKC sentiment is a little ridiculous. Wanting a pro team to come to your Midwestern area that has no pro teams and receives very little attention from a media bent on both coasts is no crime. We admit that Bennett and his crew are jerks that should never have been sold the team. But Seattle, let's focus a little more on stopping the Dark Side, and maybe, oh, I don't know, getting some fans into the arena, and less on hating on a state that has enough problems all its own?

6. Happy Birthday Dear Lithuanian 6'8'' Power Forward From Maryland Who Played College Ball At Missouri And Is Actually Pretty Good, Happy Birthday To You!: It's Linas Kleiza's birthday today, and the big lovable lug is 23 today. Sometimes it being your birthday can mean big things for a player. Considering he'll be the one getting called for ridiculous phantom fouls and watching Duncan use the glass like he controls it a la the brooms in Fantasia, we're not seeing it work out for the big guy. But there's always hope!

7. You're Going To Give Us Three Games? We're Going To Spend Two Footers Talking About Lithuanian Birthdays. And You Will LIKE IT!: So according to this, which may be completely fabricated, on a person's birthday in Lithuania, a birthday boy or girl is lifted three times in a decorated chair while wearing a special birthday sash. So we pretty much demand this be part of the pre-game or half-time festivities. Hell, the Nuggs might as well get JR Smith to do something useful this season.

8. Trillion Watch: Speaking of JR, he's always on this list by way of likelihood of ejection or benching. Keith Langford, another proud candidate recently signed by the Spurs. Any single player on the Chicago Bulls with the exception of Luol Deng and Ben Gordon (he has to make one). Alando Tucker.

9. Beggars Can't Be Choosers (Via The Corndogg): The Lamarcus Aldridge Bowl is on TV tonight, opposite an actual bowl game that no one will want to see. (Although, this Youtube spot is GENIUS!!). So, you should be thrilled to catch the almost unbeatable Blazers taking on the Bulls, who actually care about winning under new coach Scottie Pippen. Or, that other guy, what's his name. Either way, I expect a lot of angst and ferocity from these two you and hungry squads.

10. You Take Your Durant, I Will Stick With My Ariza (Via The Corndogg): You may/may not have seen this. I put it on the "Boom Dizzle Makes AK47 His B*tch" list of awesome dunks. If the Sonics have any hope of sticking with the clicking Suns tonight, they will need to do exactly what LA did -- be aggressive, play fundamental basketball, attack the rim and rebound. Tough sh#t though, cause they can't. I smell the first 2008 STAT explosion.

11. When They Go Undefeated In January, What Will You Say Then? (Via The Corndogg): It is not inconceivable for the Suns to go undefeated well into 2008. Besides playing at LA, where the Lakers have owned them recently (did I mention the Trevor Ariza dunk already?), their only other tough games are home against NOLA and SA and at the Jazz. They also have a laughable 4 game road trip through the Midwest. So, as you are watching tonight (or not), please remember that this could be the start of something awesome. And you know what, we could use a little more Suns talk and a lot less Boston jibber jabber.

12. What Can't He Do? (Via The Corndogg): Rapper . Dancer. Scorer? Scorer! Although we try to hate him (and occasionally do), the guy brings some serious energy to the Bulls. Which is oddly what they said about a certain other Skiles waste product who has really upped his efficiency with the Mighty Mite gone. If you love to watch games full of developing big men, then you should count your lucky stars tonight.

13. Obligatory Spurs Entry (Via The Corndogg): The Spurs are second in the league , behind only the Clips, and tied with the Bucks for # of guys on their team who have first names with 3 or fewer letters. Very efficient, just like their playing style. Too bad that cannot be said about either the Bucks or the Clips, cause they suck.

14. Your Ridiculous Salary Of The Night: Nene Hilario. $8.8 Mil. I remember thinking this guy was a great inside addition. Um. Yeah. Bout That.

15. Welcome To 20OhHate: Tonight's chalk full of guys for you to root against, for various reasons. Allen Iverson (ego). Jarret Jack (ridiculous success). Kevin Durant (shot selection of a monkey with poo). Manu Ginobili (too many to count). STAT (laziness).

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