Monday, January 28, 2008

15 Footer 1.28.08

Minor emergencies and Corn being MIA from a bender in Chi-Town leave us with only six today. Our apologies. We'll be back in the habit tomorrow.

6 Reasons To Watch The Games Of The NBA Tonight:

1. Shhhh! Be Vewy, Vewy Kwiet! We're Hunting Pwayoff Seeds: The Mavericks are a game back of 1st place in the West. They are 8-2 in their last 10. They've won three straight. And no one is talking about them. Josh Howard is playing out of his mind, Dirk Nowitski is Dirk, and they have the best 1-2 point guard combo punch in the league (yes, I see you, Orlando/Toronto). Yes, there will still be questions regarding this team in the playoffs, but bear in mind that they did go to the Finals two years ago, they're younger than the Spurs and Suns, and did beat both of those teams in their run two years ago. We had a distaste for Dallas for a while, but we think after last year's humiliation they've paid their dues. The run continues tonight against Memphis. The only problem the Mavs have had is against inferior teams. The Grizz are going to need everything they can get from the wrecked remains of their starters to pull this out.

2. I Don't Want To Alarm You But You're Being Devoured By Scarab Beatles: Denver leads the Northwest division. By a half game. Over both Portland and Utah. This is going bad, bad places, Nuggets fans. And despite their optimism (check out Nugg Doctor's answer to the last question), they have had serious problems putting up fights against good teams this season. Don't believe me? Head on over to Take a look at that net points number. And the wins and losses. Bad news bears. Oh, well at least they get the Hornets tonight. Wait, what..?

3. Please Allow Thirty Minutes Before Swimming After Gushing: You know us, by now. You know we're usually cold hearted bastards that only enjoy tearing down teams. So forgive us if we take a second to talk about the Hornets. Chris Paul is the best point guard in the league. Period. Yes, that counts Nash. David West has the best long range J of any power forward we've seen this season. Tyson Chandler is the perfect compliment. Peja still has one to four "Holy crap, Peja!" shots in him per game. Jannero freaking Pargo is making big shots. And their defense, oh. Lord, their defense. The Spurs literally looked stun that a team could be this energized on defense. It was like staring in a mirror. Throw in the fact that Paul leads the league in steals, and Tyson Chandler leads the league in offensive rebounds, and holy jeez, these guys are for real. They even have a great point differential and don't foul much. Watching these guys destroy team after team is getting more exciting by the minute. And even if they fall back to earth and don't win anything meaningful, it's still been a joy to watch. Now, of course, they will lose to the Nuggets. The curse continues. We now return to our regularly scheduled vitriol.

4. The Battle Of Completely Inoffensive Personalities: Seriously. Spurs vs. Jazz. Great matchup, but there's a reason the Western Conference Finals' ratings sucked last year, and a reason the Spurs couldn't even sell out those games (Western Conference Finals!). Utah's finally gotten its big ugly head back on its big ugly body, and are now winning big ugly games. Meanwhile, we're at that point in the year where everyone starts saying "Uh-oh, look out, the Spurs may not be that good this year!" like it's some sort of shock that they would be struggling right now. This team always does this. We'll repeat. The Spurs are the killer in the horror films. You're not safe till the damn credits roll. And neither are the Jazz. The Spurs will be ticked coming off the debacle against the Swarm, and this lil' road trip of theirs is usually what sparks them.

5. Eye Of The Bobcats: Bobcats! Clippers! Let's get ready to stumble! G-Force and the painfully inconsistent Cats are in Los Angeles, California to take on the equally injury-hobbled Clippers. This is actually kind of a neat little matchup. Kaman vs. Okafor, Wallace versus Maggette, it's got some interesting things going on. Unfortunately, you know both teams will shoot 30% and someone's getting a trillion. Yeah, well, just wait till next year...

6. Like Flops Across The Hardwood, So Are The Days Of Our Lives: Well, well, well. Looks like somebody likes to bend the rules tonight, huh? We'd love to say that we're sure the league will respond by not falling for the Spurs' crap anymore, but we all know that's not true. There will still be flopping, by the Spurs and many more. But at least now Tony has no one to hide behind, except for his slightly terrifying wife.

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