Friday, January 25, 2008

15 Footer 1.25.08

Hey, that Nets-Dubs game actually ended up being okay! Mostly thanks to the fact that, as Basketbawful so eloquently put it this morning, " playing offense against Golden State is like shooting in an empty gym using a five-foot Nerf hoop."

But still!

Enjoy today's 15.

15 Reasons To Watch The Games Of The NBA Tonight:




1. It's Like The Friggin' UN, Right On Down To The Bickering:
Calderon, Bargnani, Bogut, Jianlian, Delfino, Nesterovic. That's quite a plethora (a la pinatas) of nationalities. And that's just in one game tonight? Unfortunately, it would appear the Eastern Bloc will fall to the West tonight? Why? Chris Bosh and America, that's why! Also, make sure you keep an eye on Charlie Bell. Any second now his shooting percentage is going to open some sort of vortex that destroys us all.

2. In Anticipation Of Zero: Man, we didn't want to say nothin', but Bullets Forever was right. They did curse Brendan. Tonight the Wiz try and rebound against the hard-luck Grizz. The matchups are kind of interesting here, with Rudy Gay vs. Caron Butler, Miller vs. Stevenson, and Gasol vs. Jamison. By the way, Tuff Juice's last game against Memphis? 27, 7, 6, and 5 steals. Yowzers. This one should be good.




3. Dude, Where's My Defense: Take a second and adjust yourself to the fact that we're doing a comparison of Steve Nash and Amare Stoudemire to Ashton Kutcher and Sean William Scott. Okay. Let's continue. The Suns gave up an inexcusable game to the Wolves the other night. Two steps forward, one step back is the mantra of the Suns. They better get it together tonight in Cleveland, because there's one bad mamma-jamma waiting for them...






4. Stockholm Syndrome:

Dear LeBron,
We're sorry for making fun of your team. We see now that you are able to overcome whatever suckheads management surrounds you with. We deeply regret ever doubting your ability to raise all those around you to a level higher than that of mortal men. Please forgive us, and show mercy. Please. It hurts. We love you, LeBron. Even if you have no shot whatsoever of beating anyone that comes out of the West. We think you are magnificent. Just make the hurting stop. Thanks.

Love,
Hardwood Paroxysm.

5. Don't Vote Me, Bro!: Sheed wants a four day vacation instead of the All-Star game. Dwight Howard is promising big things for the dunk contest. Yup, that's a pretty good indicator of the difference between the two clubs. All business versus happy go lucky. But the Magic have gotten their collective life back together after the early January slump, and are looking like a contender again. And with Detroit in full on cruise mode, I wouldn't be shocked at a Pistons loss. But much like San Antonio last night, the Pistons know when to rev the engines at the young pups. We'll see if BBJ and Rashard can get it done tonight in a rematch of the buzzer beater from Monday. Oh, and Chauncey. Two steps, dude. Two.

6. A Gigantic Step Up: Yes, they beat the Dubs. And then, they beat the Suns. But Minnesota's in Boston tonight. The word is, "ouch." However, if they somehow pull this damn thing off, can we put them into the playoffs over whoever gets the 8 seed in the East, just out of spite?

7. The Word You're Looking For Is, "Ugh.": Sixers are at MSG tonight, taking on the 5-5 in their last 10 Knicks. Dalembert versus Curry is kind of intriguing, and Crawford versus Iggy. But these teams have no bench whatsoever, no shot at the playoffs whatsoever, and no charisma whatsoever. But if you're looking for a reason to watch tonight's game? Find out just how bad the starters are compared to the team in the fourth. (Hat tip to KD)




8. Oh, God, It's A Swarm! A Swarm! : Clip are in New Orleans tonight to face the Western Conference leading New Orleans Hornets tonight. This has been referred to as a "warm-up" for tomorrow night's Spurs game by some NOLA blogs. Knock on friggin' wood, people. It takes one rash of injuries like last year to send this team back into nothingness. Don't jinx the fun! Or you'll end up...oddly, like the Clip.

9. Will The Real Kirk Hinrich Please Make A Three: Hinrich actually showed basketball-like behavior the other night. With Duhon, Deng, and Gordon all out for this game, if they're going to have any shot against Crash and JRich, he's going to have to do play just as well. Otherwise the Bulls will go to veteran leader and offensive juggernaut Ben Wallace...BWAHAHAHAHAHHHA...OH, GOD, SO FUNNY...HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAH.....VETERAN LEADER! HAHAHAHAHHAHAHHAHAHAHA.....AH HOO...HA...HA... Oh, man, I needed that.







10. She MBenga's: So Bynum's out. We all knew that. And Ariza. And Walton has a sore ankle. Well guess what? Turiaf's toe is banged up, too. You realize what the means if he can't go tonight for the Lakers against the Mavs tonight, right? That's right. It's Odom, Half-A-Walton, and either Kwame or DJ MBenga. And I'll bet you all the money in my pockets against all the money in your pockets that if I ask 20 Lakers fans, they're going to push for MBenga. God, I love this league.

11. It's Like The All-Star Game You Never Wanted!: Nets and Nuggets tonight. Melo, AI, Kidd, Carter, Jefferson and of course, JR Smith. We like the Nuggets in this one. We're confident the Nuggets can make the playoffs, and we're confident the Nets shouldn't. We'll see if Kidd comes out looking like he wants to play tonight against his old pal AI.

12. My Daily Excuse To Reference The Moss Covered, Three-Handled Family Gredunza: Sacramento's in Utah tonight for a biggie. They're in Utah, they're 6-14 on the road, but they're 6-4 in their last 10 and hot as can be now that the band is back together. Utah's starting to stretch and recombobulate themselves into a playoff team (about time!). If Sacramento wants to make a run at .500 and a shot at the playoffs, they need this one. Unfortunately, they have about as much interior structure as flan.

13. Must...Not...Revert...To...Expec...Tations...: Portland gets Houston at home after a long road trip, ending with a loss to the Hornets. They've started to show some signs of fatigue, and we don't mean to cramp the party, but with this team at a point differential of 1, we're not entirely convinced they're going to make it through the season. We'd love to see it happen, but there are a ton of teams floating around the 7 and 8 spots, and they've got Utah and Denver inside the division. A win over Houston and the Dynasty will go a long way to calming us down about it, though.




14. If Kige Payed Attention To The NBA: "The Hawks and Seattle play tonight. Seattle will lose. I'm Kige Ramsey, for YouTube Sports."



15. Random Wikipedia Article Of The Day (Via The Random Article Link; No Cheating): The Wizards are kind of our heroes. Tuff Juice with the all around talent, Jamison with the veteran leadership, The Lock Smith with the speed and burst, Nick Young with the dunks, Zero with... being hurt all the time... They're crazy. Just crazy characters. Kind of like the Japanese tokusatsu characters from Kamen Rider Den-0!

Have a good weekend, you puffs.


 
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