Tuesday, January 22, 2008

15 Footer 1.22.08

After yesterday's sweet tasting of 13 games, today the league leaves me with... 2.

And The Corndogg is MIA.

Batten down the hatches, mates, we're going cultural reference.

15 Reasons To Watch the Games On In The NBA Tonight As Related To 12 Random Songs From My iPod:

1. Absolutely Cuckoo- The Magnetic Fields: Is there a better phrase to describe Ron Artest? The man's a rap star, a legend, a brawler, a canine enthusiast, and a defensive mastermind. Tonight he and the rest of the Moss Covered Three Handled Family Gredunza (Wikipedia says Gredunza, I'm still looking for a definitive answer, by the way. Yes, this is how I spend my time) take on Jason Kidd and the "I Don't Wanna's." This is actually interesting, the more you think about it, but first and foremost, you've got Ron-Ron on NBATV. And that always goes well. Plus he's close to Atlantic City.

2. Steady As She Goes- The Raconteurs: That's pretty much the Phoenix mantra right now. After the front office came out and said there would be no trades for the runnin' gunners this season, the Suns have knocked off two playoff teams (well, kind of, in NJ), and on Sunday night started to look back to normal. As I watched pieces of that game (with the Hardwood Paroxiwife screaming at me to "Turn it back to the freaking Packers game, you loser!") I was struck by the return of the wheelin' and dealin' Suns. So I've figured out the answer to the Suns' championship. Only play teams that have no idea how to eliminate the spacing their system creates. Do that and it's an easy trip to the championship! Luckily, they start that path against the Bucks tonight.

3. One More Time- Daft Punk: That's right, Jason Kidd's talking about his team again. This time he's saying that he's just kind of accepted the Nets for what they are. Yeah, and the cougar accepts it when you prod him in the bum and stick him in a camaro. Don't buy it. The best part? This team is tied for the 8 spot in the East. With Indiana. Does anybody want to make the playoffs? We know you have to face the Celtics, but still. Damn.

4. Brian Wilson- Barenaked Ladies: You think this is what Vince Carter's internal monologue is like? Self-involved, delusions of grandeur, tinged with a slight sense of self-disappointment? We like to think so. Except for in our minds, he continues to constantly rue over the game winning shots he's clanged and his general sense of douchiness. We hope the Kings can continue his creative drought tonight.

5. Brain Stew- Green Day: Watching the Suns offense will pretty much make your brain into this. The problem is that if you really try and watch it for a whole game, without commercials or breaks via DVR or TiVo, is that you get overloaded with passes, scoring, and dunks. It all starts to lose any sense of order or gravity. Essentially, without commercial interruption, the Suns offense is a black hole of chaos, that will eventually engulf your brain, sending you spiraling into delusional paranoia that eventually concludes with your admittance to a hospital. So please, savor those Sonic commercials with the two douchebags in the car. They may just save your life.

6. Rock Star- Nickelback: God, this band sucks. We know it sucks. So why is it on my iPod? Here's a pretty good summary. Smart words for a soccer fan. Now. For kicks, just imagine the following players singing "Rockstar" during the Phoenix-Bucks game tonight: Yi, Bogut, Diaw, Barboasa, Yi, VNov, Nash, Yi, and Yi. There, that should cheer you up.

7. The Seed 2.0- The Roots: Ah, the perfect combination of hip-hop and rock music. Is there anything more comparable to the Suns? What's that? The theme to 'Days Of Our Lives?' 'You're the One That I Want' from Grease? 'One Hit Wonder' by Everclear? Bah! Infidels! You will fear the rattling of rims!

8. Things The Grandchildren Should Know- The Eels: You think Charlie Bell hears this song (okay, pretend he listens to the Eels), and goes "Yeah, man. Yeah! If I had to do it all again, I would. I'd take all that money and shoot worse than a blind 5 year old with vertigo. That's deep man, like me. So Deep." No? Well he should, damn it. Tune in tonight to see the $18 Million Dollar Disaster.

9. You Can Do It- Ice Cube: They should play this every time Spencer Hawes gets the ball. He could use a little soul. Either that or every time John Salmons nails another jumper. Wouldn't that be an actual entertaining way to inject music into the game? Because really, Hawes can do it.

10. Get On Top- Red Hot Chili Peppers: Apparently the Suns heard this after the Clippers loss. They've gotten it in gear and are back at the top of the West. Of course, there's only a half game between them and New Orleans, and then only 2.5 between them and three other teams. But hey, they're still driving with some intensity now, Diaw seems much more comfortable at the 3, and DJ Strawberry is actually getting some minutes (gasp). It'll be interesting to see if they can maintain intensity tonight and not have a letdown against a spotty Milwaukee team. Hey, Minnesota won yesterday. Why not?

11. Little Things- Bush: The Bucks can tell you, it is indeed the little things that kill. Like rebounding, shooting, ball movement, leadership, and defense. Those are things that are killing the Bucks. Along with turnovers, offense, coaching, and attendance.

12. The Man Comes Around- Johnny Cash: What Ron Artest fears. With every ounce of his soul. Just kidding. Ron Artest doesn't know fear! Or a soul!

13. Trillion Watch: Hawes. Marcus Banks. Awvee Storey. And of course, Jason Collins.

14. Mikki Meets His Maker: That's right, Mikki Moore welcomes the team he shunned. The Nets surely thought the same thing we all thought. "Big deal! It's Mikki Moore!" Well, with the Nets interior softer than prime Brie on a hot day, they're missing him pretty bad. Especially with the Kings all of a sudden 6-4 in their last 10. Here's hoping Mikki makes them mad that they messed with his moulah. Mmmmm. Mikki.

15. Random Wikipedia Article of the Day: Tonight the Nets must draw the line in the sand, again. Every game, it seems, is another must-win to save their season, and this is yet another in a long line. You could say it's a lot like Yerolakkos, the small village that was the sight of intense fighting during the Turkish invasion. Hold the Yerolakkos line, RJ! Hold it!

Add to Technorati Favorites