Wednesday, January 2, 2008

15 Footer 1.2.08: Back In The Habit Edition

Thank God that's over. There's only so much "Fa la la la la", Turducken, and champagne we can take.

Now, where were we?

Ah, yes. So, we really wish people would stop saying Skiles should be fired. His team's in a severe funk, and he's admittedly having issues with playings Thomas and Noah, but I mean, you can't fire the guy after the turnaround he's pulled without a franchise play...what?!


Okay, well, we just want to say that the way Portland is playing right now, it's pretty clear that they could conceivably win 20 in a row. I mean, they've been UNSTOPPABLE (which we'll come back to later) lately, and really, we can't see them losing any time soo...what?!


Okay, if that's how we ended 2007, we have no idea how 2008 will be. Except for that it will be the year of Hardwood Paroxysm. Tremble, mortals, tremble! We're starting the year off with a 12 footer. Call it a warmup. Or a shootaround. Or some other reference.

By the way, before we get to the first 15 from 2008, we were humbled to be invited to the blogger rollcall for the MVP/ROY rankings. You can check out the latest over at 3 Shades of Blue here.

And now, 12 Reasons To Watch The Games Of The NBA Tonight:

1. There Will Be Blood: The battle resumes tonight in Dallas. Dallas made a big step towards putting the nightmares of last season behind them when they downed the Warlocks earlier this season. Tonight the most bizarre rivalry in the NBA is resumed as Boom Dizzle, Captain Jack, and the Dubs go to Dallas to face the Mavs on homecourt. Driving through Dallas during the holidays, I was listening to Dallas sports radio, which almost never mentions the Mavs. And even they were plugging this game. It should be a good one, which of course means the Mavs will win in a blowout, wrecking every chance the NBA has of legitimate excitement.

2. The Rumors Of Hedo's Demise Have Been Greatly Exaggerated: The Magic have won 4 straight since all the "This team's gone to crap!" talk that we were unimpressed with, including Hedo Turkoglu's runner to beat the Bulls in OT on New Year's. Tonight it's the Kings of New Jersey, except the Kings are a team that actually live up to their potential. Consider this another vital stop on the Jason Kidd "It's a Sh*tty Life" tour, where he continually finds out how much better his life would be if he was on any other team in the league.

3. Is It Still Christmas? (Via The Corndogg): Bucks at Heat tonight. I think Santa left his pile of goodies festering inside my television. But hey, looking on the bright side, at least one of them will get a win. And btw, who the f%ck gave Michael Redd any MVP votes in our blogger poll? I demand that your ip address be permanently deleted. (Ed. Note: I will now be voting for Michael Redd in every MVP vote we do from here on out. -Matt)

4. Cirque De Solebron (Via The Corndogg): It will be like poetry, written in air. Tonight, after a lazy pass from Tyronn Lue finds its way into the outstretched defensive arms of Lebron. He jets off toward the other hoop, gliding effortlessly down the hardwood. As he majesitcally launches into orbit for a ferocious slam, out of nowhere comes a backwards, flying Josh Smith to block the ball with his tricep and then somersault over the backboard for a Matrix style landing . Then, Lebron kills him.

5. Rocket Sauce (Via The Corndogg): Yo T-Mac, we have seen these kinds of shenanigans before. Hell, Lebron just kept forgetting to come back and play ball when he had his "non-shooting hand" injury. We get it, you are mad at your teammates for letting you down and you are taking your time making it back to prove a point. Except, the only point that you are proving is that you are not a champion. Just give Yao the damn ball. I also heard there is a blue light special on Bonzi Wells at K Mart. Might want to pick one of those up while you are running errands, and not running the court.

6. Great Way To Start Another 13 Game Win Streak (Via The Corndogg)
: Portland will be in Minny tonight playing McHale's navy. And by McHale's Navy, I mean a team full of guys that like to get sodomized on the basketball court. We love the Jefferson/Aldridge matchup, but other than that, this could be a slaughtering. Unless Steve Blake has the ball. Or Darius Miles sees the court. Then, it could get real fun, real fast. Maybe as a promo tonight, you can hand out free "At Least We Don't Have Isiah" masks. That would be awesome, and quite fitting.
(ed. note - In the above link, you will notice at the bottom of the page that someone came up with the idea to have a Major Payne/Sgt. Bilko 2-for-1 package. I point that out to let it be known that there are actually some folks out there who are more sadistic than I am)

7. Trillion Alert:
Andre Owens, Jason Collins (aka Mr. Trillion), Gordon Freakin' Giricek.

8. Maybe One Of These Two Will Figure Out Who The Hell They Are: The Sixers are in Rome SLC tonight, and they'll be doing as the Romans Mormons do. That's right. Producing and eating their own brand of boxed mashed potatoes. Either that or getting punched in the mouth by a Jazz team that's having some nightly commitment issues but is still 11-3 at home. We're pretty sure this could get out of hand quickly, but with Gordon Giricek in the house, you just never know.

9. Try It Before You Buy It: The Kings are in the Big Apple tonight, visiting a team that there's been quite a bit of discussion about trading Artest to. Poasting and Toasting is less than thrilled with the prospect. Sactown Royalty is plotting. This would be a great opportunity for the Maloofs to come in, get Isiah good and drunk, and pull of a trade that gets them Curry and Lee for Artest and a box of chocolates. Why a box of chocolates? Because life is like that, of course.

10. Matchups, Shmatchups: We touched on earlier how Dirk doesn't think this is a rivalry. But is it still true that the Dubs have the matchup advantage? I mean, it should be, considering neither team made drastic changes to their lineups in the offseason. The real question will probably come down to two players. Eric Dampier, and JET. If JET can outduel the Dizzle, and Dampier can come up with a game like he did a few weeks ago against Phoenix, this could get downright nasty downlow. And by nasty we mean, "Seventeen Warlocks and their baby mommas get ejected." We are kind of stunned at the GSOM side of this, though. Today they broke down the history of their little feud with the Mavericks Series of Tubes. That line about the couch? Yeowch.

11. Obligatory Resolutions Reference: In all the resolutions jokes floating, it's hard to keep track of anything of meaning. Which is a lot like actual resolutions. Our personal favorite? The Dream Shake, who break down the things about the league that bug the snot out of them. For tonight, maybe they should add "Letting former players firesale the best player in the league to his former glory spot for almost nothing." Rockets meet the Celtcs tonight.

12. Pretending Is Our Favorite Game!: When the Clippers and Hornets lock up tonight? Just pretend Elton Brand and Shaun Livingston are playing. That'll make it a lot more exciting.

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