Tuesday, January 15, 2008

15 Footer 1.15.08

15 Reasons To Watch The Games In the NBA Tonight:

1. Defeating Inferior Eastern Conference Opponents, Take 2: Denver was felled by the mighty Bobcats last night behind Captain Crash's 40 points (MVP! MVP! We're just going to start firing up random MVP campaigns for players. Josh Smith and Andres Nocioni are next on our lists). Tonight the, along with the Devil, head down to Georgia to face the Hawks who are, get this, 6-4 against the West. We've started to feel better about the inconsistent Nuggets, but if they get toppled on back to back nights by the 3rd and 4th best team in the Southeast division, well, let's just say Melo's gonna have some 'splainin to do.

2. Ben Wallace Should Fire Himself To Save Himself The Embarrassment: Himself, himself. The Bulls are in the Magic Kingdom tonight to face BBJ and the Magic. This is a pretty fascinating matchup for lots of reasons. Like this. And this. And this. Oh, and it's Hedo Turkoglu versus Andres Nocioni and Ben Gordon versus Rashard Lewis. And this. Move, Ben! Get out the way, Ben, get out the way!

3. Technically, They're Both Coming Off Big Wins: The last team to beat the Pistons faces the last team to beat the Celtics tonight as Tuff Juice, The Locksmith, and whatever nickname you want to use for Jamison are in the Big Apple to take on the Bozo and his merry men of Knickerbockers. Can you imagine if the Knicks win this game? Transitive property is useless in the NBA, as opposed to college football, where it's....useless, but if you just take the sample of the last week, that would mean that the Knicks are better than the Celtics right now. (Take a second, let it out, have a good laugh. Okay, let's move on.)

4. Lock Up Your Daughters, Lock Up Your Wives, Lock Up Bargnani, And Run For Your Lives!: Raps are in Detroit Rock City tonight to take on what is probably a very cranky Pistons team. They don't like losing. They really don't like losing to crappy teams like the Knicks. They can say how they'll just have these nights, which is true. But I'm betting they might be a wee bit more focused tonight against an actual legitimate playoff team. On the flip side, if Bosh has another spastic out of this world performance, they might be able to hang in this thing. He better get nasty down low, though.

5. The Definition Of Insanity: Is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. We're insane. We're taking the Grizzlies. Again. 3 Shades of Blue has a terrific breakdown of the matchups. We like Conley, Miller and JCN over their backcourt. LeBron's going to get his, but the Grizz actually have some size down low. If they can win the rebounding advantage, they can win this game. C'mon, Grizzlies. It's time to not make us look completely moronic. Win, damn you!

6. Little Victories: The Warriors make a stop in Minnesota for a win tonight. It must be nice looking on your schedule, seeing Minnesota and realizing that it's like having your own personal gas station that only serves wins. We're rooting for the Wolves, but only because we want the Heat to be the worst team in the league.

7. Battle Of The Progressive GM's: Between Houston's manipulation of numbers and metrics, and Stefanski's cavorting with bloggers, there's some pretty cool GM's at work tonight. Too bad this season is pretty much a setup for ol' Ed taking a FUBAR to the team and starting over. Dalembert versus Yao should be entertaining, though.

8. Speechless (Via The Corndogg): OMG! WTF? No Lakers, Heat or Spurs to watch tonight? Whatever shall we do? Wait a sec, I know, actually follow teams that are interesting for a change. Good thing no one is on television. Wouldn't want that to happen. Box scores will have to do, I guess.

9. And For His Next Trick, He Will Part The Red Sea (Via The Corndogg): Isiah (I know, I know - the reference is to Moses) looks straight into the face of pure goodness tonight as his evil Knicks take on the brilliant Wizz and attempt to win 3 out of 4 games, thus silencing the "Fire Isiah" chants. PSYCHE!!. Also, we may have underrated Tough Juice in our MVP ballot. These guys are legit, and they might just be pushing Zero out the door. Hear that Isiah? I hear you are in the market for another ME-first scorer who kills team chemistry.

10. Don't Make Me Break Out My Webber (Via The Corndogg): Should the suddenly surging Raptors walk into Motown tonight and lay the whipping to the Detroit Bad Boys, Mr. Time Out himself could be fielding a lot more calls that his PR rep had intended. At least it will get his hands warmed up... for passing to better players. Could see a ridiculous bidding war between the Lakers and the Pistons for his services (ordering pizza, cleaning, topless car wash, rebounding), even though we feel that Detroit doesn't really need him. Mind you, this is as much excitement as Joe Dumars can take.

11.Daddy Said Knock You Out (Via The Corndogg): We all know by now that BBJ took his, presumably, 2 foot (expletive, insert your favorite here...hehe..."insert") and got his reproductive jiggy on with a Magic dancer. Well, tonight the Big Father will be looking to decimate Big Ben and his merry men ( i.e. those who hate Joakim Noah). We think his former teammates might step out of the way and let ole' Dwight go a round or two with him .

12.Look! Up In The Sky. It's A Bird. It's A Plan. No, It's Eric Piatkowski (Via The Corndogg): Look for Blowtorch's fave to get some run tonight against the decrepit Clips. I mean, he is a part of the best bench in the league. Otherwise, just wait til the Birds try to get their groove back against the other La-La Land team on Thursday.

13. This Game Brought To You By Allstate: Everyone's banged up when Suns visit the Clip tonight. It's Boris Diaw! It's Tim Thomas! It's the NBA! On League Pass! Clip have lost their last 10 of 11. They're tired. They're beaten up, and they're waiting to shut it down. The Suns could use a few feel good wins to get through a rough patch, especially coming into the big Thursday game versus the Lakers. Beating LA 2 would do some good.

14. Trillion Watch: Steve Francis. Von Wafer. C.J. Watson. Adrian Griffin (wait, does "arbitrarily sticking your nose where it doesn't belong" go on a stat sheet?)

15. Random Wikipedia Analogy Of The Day: You know, passing in the NBA is complex. Luckily, there are some guys, like Allen Iverson who are very good it. They're so good at it, their passes could be considered full tosses. Or at least, they could, if I understood a damn thing about cricket.

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