Monday, December 3, 2007

Monday Evening Floater That Rolls Around The Rim, Bounces Out, The Gets Tipped Back In

A long title, to be sure. But I am posting a truncated version of the 15 footer today because Matt has not been having the best start to his week. Don't worry, he is not suicidal (after seeing Mizzou lose), he has just been swamped at work and I have taken the pleasure in serving you up some hot, juicy NBA story lines for tonight's (mostly) unwatchable games. Unwatchable, because, like the Revolution, they will not be televised, not because they suck.

1. The NBA, Where Injuries Happen:
2 of the league's most depleted matchup tonight in a battle to see who is left standing, literally. The Bobcats have been hanging tough and looking presentable despite the season long injuries of Sean May and Ammo (does that tell you something?). They also have the flying stuntman, GW. The Raps just lost Garbo for the year, T.J Ford is always a liability and Bosh was out for some time with knee troubles. Good thing they are playing in Canada, where they have universal health care. The hospitals will be earing their loonies tonight, if things keep going as planned.

2. Hello Old Friend:
Greg Oden, guaranteed to be wearing a turtleneck, and childhood best buddy, Mike Conley, Jr., guaranteed to be wearing something resembling this get to munch down on some dry rub ribs and play grab ass, since both are just cheerleaders for their respective teams tonight when Portland heads to Memphis. The other feel good story of the night will be that one of these two teams will win and my money is on Portland, since they got blown out by a Duncan-less Spurs team this weekend. Trust me, its NBA Logic.

3. When The Experts Are Wrong(er) Than Usual:
OK, so I am cross sports referencing right now. Forgive me. But the only reason that a Bulls team that has finally won 2 in a row (against sub .500 teams) has jumped up to 20 in the latest leader rankings is because everyone, at the beginning of the year, thought this team was a championship contender. The "experts" WANT them to be good, so they can be right. This team is not better than most of the 10 teams it is ahead of in the NBA power rankings. Kind of like when fu#king Ohio State gets to embarass college fu#king football by getting fu#king blown out playing against fu#king LSU just because they played a fu#king cupcake schedule...
Sorry, please let me stop this before I eat my tounge and the stigmata starts to reappear on my hands and feet. The Bulls will win tonight (not because they are good, but because Dallas hates playing crappy teams) and then I will eat these words. Just let it be known that I wrote this well before this team bottoms out. You heard me!!

4. I Messed Around And Got A Triple Double:
Two of the leagues most effective, versatile players square off tonight in Philly. My boy Iggy takes on my other boy, Josh Smith. Smith is well on his way to leading the league in inter-team squabbles (since Kobe is slowing down) and Iggy is well on his way to leading the league in turnovers, as a freakin' small forward. However, when these guys are on, their games are beautiful. Very few guys can make an impact on the court, every single possession, doing something unique and different. Even if the production ain't pretty (and it shouldn't be, both teams stink), at least their performances should be. Kind of like Daniel Day-Lewis in Gangs of New York.

5. If You Don't Think Stephen Jackson Deserves To Be In The MVP Race, Please Stop Reading This Blog And Never Watch The NBA Again:
Cap'n Jack seriously, seriously has to be a contender. The Warriors were 1-6 without him. They are now 9-7 and on freakin' fire. Not only are they the most entertaining team to watch, they might just be one of the best, if you discredit defense as a reasonable barometer for how teams match up. SJax is averaging 21/5/4/0.2 (technicals per game). His team is nearly unbeatable with him in the rotation. He is the zaniest, cookiest, coolest dude in the league right now, bar none (yeah, you heard me Zero). Just watch this game and try to begin to understand his majesty. Oh wait, you can't. Please refer to the previous post, concerning my belief in reincarnation.

6. Hedo. Oh Yeah, Hedo Everything:
The real secret of the Magic's sucess will be revealed tonight. Hedo Turkoglu, once considered the odd man out in the Rashard Lewis deal, has finally found the form that made him such a star (albeit, a modestly sized star) earlier in his career. He just keeps pulling forwards away from the basket, hitting shots, racking up assists (which is easy to do when you keep feeding the guy who has more dunks than all but 4 TEAMS!!) and playing decent enough defense. But seriously, an unusual symbiosis has formed between Hedo and Shard, thus leading the Magic to the top of the East, alongside the Boston Hydra. I believe in Magic.

7. My Darko's Back And You're Gonna Be In Trouble:
Yeah, that's right, I love Darko. He got me 20 fantasy points last game, without even scoring a point. 5 blocks, on a bum hand, against the awesome T-Wolves!! Ok, so it was just against Minny, but still. This kid is gonna be a player yet. Watching our new man crush try to stop another young Western "man-child" should be very interesting. Its gonna be a Bloc Party , and Darko is hosting. Suck it, Big Nifty (except, you are taller and have a great baby hook and turnaround jumper, which should cause major problems). But still, suck it!!

8. Utah:
They play tonight. They are good. They will win. We love Boozer, Williams and AK47. That takes care of all the games.

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