Wednesday, December 5, 2007

15 Footer 12.5.07

1. Let's See What You've Got Up Your Sleeve, Frenchy: Well, the Lonestar Showdown is tonight, with Dallas at San Antonio. Without Duncan, Parker's going to need to be pretty ridiculous. Also, Franisco Elberto is going to need to score 20 points, and Michael Finley will need to harness the power of the sun's rays to set himself afire. We expect all of these things to happen, because it's the NBA, and that's how it goes.

2. Tyrus Thomas: Tomb Raider: The Bulls lost again on Monday, and Skiles decided to play Tyrus Thomas for the first 17 minutes and then send his ass back to the depths of the pine, because… um… well, as usual, we have no friggin’ clue why. We don’t want to get up in Skiles’ grill. We like the man, as we’ve stated before. But, seriously. When you look at the millions of reasons to play Thomas (if for no other reason than to boost his trade value to get Pau), we have a hard time finding reasons not to play him. Especially when he’s gotten significant minutes in their rare victories. But hey, Ty’s getting paid, so what’s the bother?

3. It's All Fun And Games Until Amare Explodes: Amare went for 42 and 13 last night, as if just to remind everyone, "Hey, that Howard guy's great and all, but I'm no chopped liver." Now, the Suns are noticably streaky, in terms of their talent's offensive consistency. This happens when you have 5 guys that can go for 25+ at any moment. But if the Raps don't get Bosh back, or at least Bargnani, he's got a pretty good shot at back to back huge night. Bosh has a groin injury, which usually doesn't allow quick bounce backs, but if he doesn't show up, this may actually be a team Phoenix can pound inside. And that's like covering the raw meat in 11 herbs and spices before throwing it to the wolves.

4. Oh, The Times, They Are A-Changin': You remember when Danny Ainge was a horrible GM? Remember when he was in a pantheon with McHale, and Knight, and King? Who's laughing now? Not King. There is no end to our sadness over the firing of Billy King. Bad GM's make business easy for folks in our line. But alas, it's time to say goodbye to him. Things aren't going to get any better for the turnover machine known as Iggy and Co., with the Juggernaut/War Machine/Monster of Doom coming into town.

5. Okay, No, For Really Real This Time: The Hornets haven't been excelling against the Western powers. The Eastern Power of the suddenly very deep Detroit Pistons visit tonight. We really thought that last year signaled a changing of the guard, with Detroit beginning a long slow road back to mediocrity. Well, an Amir Johnson, Ronald Murray, and Jason Maxiell later, we're back to accepting the Pistons as the second best organization in the league since the turn of the century (you know who's number 1, don't make us insult your intelligence by telling you). Tonight would be a good time for the Hornets to get good against good competition.

6. Let's Just Liquidate Them Both And Start Fresh: The NBA Equivalent of the Subway Series is tonight with the Nets and Knicks meeting up in Jersey. The Kidd stuff has gotten a lot of press, so of course, he won't get traded. That would make too much sense. Likewise, Isiah Thomas has made an extravagant measure of horrifically screwing up the Knicks in every conceivable way, so of course he outlasts Billy King. Why not? If we did predictions (which of course we don't, because we don't want to doom entire fanbases), we'd actually pick the Knicks. The Nets have missed Mikki Moore (entry #700 on things we never thought we'd say), and Curry has been a bright spot for the Knicks. So of course, the Nets will outrebound the Knicks and win by 15.

7.Trillion Alert! (See Basketbawful For Definition): Andre Brown, Michael Ruffin, Aaron Brooks, Othella Harrington, Tim Duncan (haha!).

8. Now Would Be An Opportune Time to Tap Those "Brake" Pedals: Charlotte's lost 6 in a row. They're 3-7 in their last 10, same as the Bulls. The Bulls' coach thinks that starting Joe Smith over Tyrus "Lighter Fluid" Thomas is the answer. Charlotte is the John McClaine of the NBA. They keep getting shot at, chased down, beaten up, and keep right on coming. Except somehow, we don't think they'll blow up the helicopter manned by Manu Ginobli and escape to glory. We keep waiting for the Bulls to turn it around. Yup. Any day now. Right about now. Yup. Any second. Here we go.

9. Great Exercises in Mediocrity (Via The Corndogg): Go ahead, give me one reason to watch Cleveland/Washington tonight? Wanna check out Jamison before he hits unrestricted free agency? You're the president of the Ira Newble fan club? Have a finger festish, or worse, a hair festish (Varejao was just too easy)? Your pet just died and you need to zone out for a few hours and forget about it? Now, do you see the anguish we have to go through every single day when games such as these are forced to happen. At least there is Caron Butler, and a probable triple double. At least we have something.

10. This Is What It's Like When Colangelos Collide (Via the Corndogg): Suns up in Canada tonight to take on the air attack that is "everyone except the 3 best Raptors." That's right, it took 42 from Amare and a near 20/20 from Nash just to dispose of those pesky Pacers last night. Did they run themselves silly, or were they just warming up those travel legs to face off against the man who made them what they are. Well, if the Wacky Raps come out blazing like they did against the Bobcats, I expect the scoreboard to catch fire. Well, either the scoreboard, or Carlos Delfino's hair product . Should be a great matchup.

11. Anything You Can Do, I Can Do Worse (Via the Corndogg): With all the trade talk surrounding the Bulls (Gasol, really?), its tough to take their game seriously at times. Indeed, they have that same problem. However, we here at HP talked our own trade game earlier today when Matt came up with this whopper! The Bobcats are sitting on a goldmine, with tons of cap space, some expendable assests, a great young center and two excellent wings. However, trades like this don't happen, because quite frankly, GMs are stupid. Now, if only they, like Chicago, would start playing for the 2008 Playoffs instead of 2009. Well, I guess someone has to win this game. I pick the Bobcats, cause I'm a fan. No other rationale can be explained.
12. Thank The Lord For Short Term Injuries To Franchise Players, So Sayeth The Cuban(Via the Corndogg): This represents the irony of the NBA in ways I cannot even fathom. Dallas, seemingly incapable of beating mediocre teams, normally has its way with the 1 true NBA super power. Now, tonight, with Duncan out, it would appear that Dallas has this all locked up. Except, wait for the the SA bench to score 50 and Dirk to drop a big fat steaming rotten egg tonight. Much like Liza Manelli and David Gest, it makes no sense.

13. Sympoms: Nausea, Diarrhea, Vomiting Purple and Gold: The Lakers are on ESPN! Again! Look. We get it. They're a known team. They play in a big market. They have one of the most recognizable stars, if not THE most recognizable star. Kobe scores a lot of points. Phil Jackson is interesting. We get it. What we don't get is why these guys are on TV every damn time. I mean, the Spurs are a tired old story that's been the same for almost 8 years now, and yet they're on less than LA. The Suns and Warlocks are the most entertaining teams in the NBA, and they're not on as much. The Magic feature THE premier big man in the league. The Celtics are a marketing DREAM! Yet the national television audience, instead of happening upon an interesting game between teams they don't know much about gets instead treated to Luke Walton and Vladi Radmonovick. We're running out of ways to make the Lakers sound at all interesting. If only one of their stars would get busted for some sort of scandalous encounter at a ski resort.

14. What's The Most Unstable Element On the Periodic Chart Of the NBA? DN: Now, the Nuggets, on the other hand, are becoming fascinating, for an entirely different set of reasons. Stampler over at Pounding The Rock did some analsyis, and lookeeloo. The Nuggets are all over the damn board. This helps to explain things like, being up by 20 in the first half against the Lakers last Friday and still losing the damn game. Here's a conversation Corn and I have had about 10 times this season, already.

Matt: How are the Nuggets this bad? How?
Corn: I don't know. I mean, they're not bad...
Matt: But they're sure as hell not good! Melo, Iverson, KMart, Camby, Nene. Period! What. The. F*ck?
Corn: Haven't you asked me this every Friday for the last month?
Matt: But how!
Corn: I'm going to watch reruns of Chapelle, now.

15. A Proud Culture, Coming Together Over A 20-24 Year Old Chinese Kid With A Shoe Deal: When Golden State of Mind told me that it's Asian-American Heritage night at the Oracle, I thought that was some sort of cute, bloggy joke. Then I clicked the link. No, really, it's Asian-American Heritage Night at the Oracle. This doesn't seem funny to me because they have an Asian-American Heritage Night at the Oracle. That makes tons of sense, and I think it's pretty cool. But the fact that they scheduled it on the night that the Milwaukee Bucks, hailing from one of the whitest areas in North America, and starring Andrew Bogut. And the fact that seemingly, it's on account of a 20-24 year old rookie that grew up hanging out at Nike parties. This, to me, is comedy gold.

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