Tuesday, December 4, 2007

15 Footer 12. 4.07

1. In His Defense, We'd Have A Hard Time Taking A Guy Named "Flip" Seriously, Too: Hamilton and Saunders got into a spat last week, which seems to have lit a fire under Mr. Hamilton. We're seeing a pattern here, though, aren't you? It would appear that every time a Piston gets into a fight with Saunders, they come out and improve their play, leading to another Pistons win. This doesn't seem like a positive quality, does it? We attribute most of this to the following logical train of thought.

"Did I just get chewed out by a guy named Flip who couldn't win with KG, Spree, and Cassell? Really? Man, f*ck this. I'm going platinum."

2. It Could Have Been A Schlotzky's: You know, I've been by Pacer offices in Indy. Some of it's in this weird office building, across the street from the Superhero Museum, quite possibly the most awesome crappy museum I've ever seen. And being that I'm from the Midwest, that's saying something. I think it's kind of fitting that the building looked so nondescript, and that I wasn't really sure what was going on inside. That pretty much perfectly describes a team led by Danny Granger and ravaged by last season's trades, yet still stands at .500 and winning scrappy games. We used to be annoyed with the Pacers, but they're kind of bedgrudgingly starting to admire them. They're kind of like the Ray Liotta of the 2007-2008 NBA Season.

3. Bet You My Raw, Developing Center Is Better Than Your Raw, Developing Center: Lakers and T-Wolves tonight, and if you check in on this one, just sit back and watch Jefferson vs. Bynum. Because that's the future of the Western Conference, right there. Watching their games, they're not exactly similar. Bynum is a lot more raw, and doesn't possess many of the moves that Jefferson does. Conversely, Bynum's got a little more umph in his triumph, and cleans up the boards nicely. Oh, yeah, and that Kobe dude's playing, too, but really, you've heard that one before.

4. It's Like Window Shopping, In Hell: Every time the Nets play a team with a superstar begging for a veteran superstar point guard, Kidd has to just stare at it like it's the friggin' gun from A Christmas Story. Tonight he gets the LeBronites who may or may not be with LeBron tonight (sprained index finger). And we like Boobie, don't get us wrong. But Boobie ain't da Kidd. We're gonna say it, though. If Kidd wants to play for a champion with a Superstar, he's going to have to chill out on the contract. Or, he can just continue to have enough money to have hookers parachute into his hotel room with bags of cocaine under their arms. We can understand that, too.

5. The Front Line Is Not Our Last Line: Don't you love a good bench? I mean, we dig on superstars and mega-talents and world changers. But seriously, being able to say, "Okay, our starters are hurt, and their replacements need a breather. Never fear, here comes the freaking cavalry." That's pretty great. Such are the Raptors this year. Despite a rocky start, the Raps are two games over .500, and at this point we're pretty sure Colangelo's got a machine in his basement that creates deceptively fast, all-around guards. Carlos Delfino is giving them quality minutes, here, people. Jamario had only 6 points, they were missing Bosh, Ford, and Bargnani, and they still beat the Sixers by double digits. Sometimes we think Colangelo is actually the reincarnation of Albert Einstein with a hard-on for hardwood.

6. Sadly, Heart Doesn't Make Up For $20 Million In Talent, No Matter How Many Cookies You Sell, Suzy: We want to believe in you, Clip! We do! But you can tell that the Clip are just getting worn down from the injuries. We're going to tell you, though, Clipper fans, this could be a good thing in the end. While surprising wins are great, getting a high lottery pick with your superstars coming back could be even better. You might recall Mr. Robinson getting hurt before the Spurs landed the Big Fundamental. Kevin Love would look pretty nice there, don't you think?

7. Kind Of Ironic That They're Both Good At Second-Chances, Isn't It?: When you look at offensive rebound rates, Zydrunas Ilgauskas is 14th, Boozer is 22nd, and they're 2nd and 4th respectively for players averaging over 30 minutes per game. That's very, very good. Especially when one guy is a 32 year old power post player that was born in the Soviet Union, and the other is hated by Cleveland in a way only overshadowed by Art Modell.

8. It's Clearly The End Of The World: No, this has nothing to do with the BCS. It's because Billy Knight managed to successfully pull of a draft pick. Horford's averaging 8.7 and 10.2. Them's not bad for a rookie on a team with Scorch Johnson and Josh Smith taking up numbers. Now if the Hawks can just find a way to actually turn the numbers into wins. Sheldon Williams getting off his ass and doing something would be helpful.

9. Over The Hill…Not.: What's scary is that Hill gets better with every game. He's supposed to be laboring along, struggling to keep up with the speed and quickness of the Suns. But apparently Hill has found the fountain of youth, and it's an oasis in the Arizona desert. He's getting more and more comfortable in the offense, and that's starting to spell doom for Phoenix opponents. On any given night, if Nash doesn't kill you, and Amare doesn't kill you, and Marion doesn't kill you, and Barbosa doesn't ambush you off the bench, now you have to worry about Hill coming in and pushing the team over the edge. Sweet Jeebus. Of course, if any one of the stars goes down for an extended period, it's curtains!

10. Awkward White Player Roll-Call!: Mehmet Okur! Andrei Kirilenko! Brad Miller! Mike Bibby (honorary, injured reserve)! Spencer Hawes! Beno Udrih! Matt Harpring! Gordan Giricek! Jesus, you might as well watch figure skating! Now imagine Brad Milleron skates. That should get you through the rest of your day.

11. Good Thing Your Bandwagon Was Moving So Fast That We Didn't Even Have The Chance To Jump On It (Via The Corndogg): The Bucks have been on two serious swoons lately. From their awesome 5 game win streak (including wins over the Lakers and Mavs) to a horrendous, vomit-inducing 4 game skid with fu#kups at basketball juggernauts like the Grizz, Knicks and Hawks, these guys have truly been on a roller coaster. This team just doesn't quite have an identity yet. Now would be a great time to find one, since you have a solid chance to go 4-1(or better) on your 5 game Western road trip. Not enough scoring outside Redd, not enough rebounding outside Bogut, too many wings with great athleticism and suspect ball skills. The could really do with Chair Man Yi heating up like some General Tso's right now.
12. We're Not There: With more guys capable of leading the team offensively than actors playing Bob Dylan in the new Todd Haynes film (reference to the title), there is never a lot of noteriety for anyone on the Pistons. With a super easy, if exhaustive, next 8 days coming and going as they should for the Bad Boys, they could be on an 8-0 streak when they head to Houston next Wednesday to face the Rockets. Luckily, at least for fans of plodding, system oriented, teamwork basketball, the Pistons are one of the few teams that normally handle their business with inferior opponents. And they still won't be above #4 in the power rankings, you'll see. In other news, Sheed isnt leading the league in techs.

13.One Shot, One Beer And Sacramento Before You Go (Into The Heart Of Darkness)(Via The Corndogg): So, we finally have something to talk about with the Jazz. Yippee!! They better enjoy the Ron Ron circus tonight in Sactown, cause 3 of their next 4 are against the other 3 best of the West, ON THE FREAKIN' ROAD. Jerry Sloan has to be slowly moping and looking queasy (a typical response) knowing that the schedule makers gave him such a gauntlet this early in the season. But, it will be a great test for them and we will find out if they are as mighty as we think, at least this early on. Now would be a nice time for Okur to start producing more like he did in last night's beat down against the Heat. If he warms up, the Jazz look a lot cooler.
(ed. note -- No fu#king way did I think I would get a Ryan Adams clip in here before Matt. He worships that guy)

14. When In Minny, You Must Amuse Yourself
(Via The Corndogg): Mark Madsen, scourge of the dancing community, has one of the most intense, informative websites around. I mean, seriously , I can't tell if he loves himself this much or if there are truly a multitude of people out there that truly, passionately care about the bowel movements, rehabilitation and potential lactating cycles of the Mad Dog. But hey, if people can have fun doing this, they can easily get a kick out of Madsen. Just watch him play basketball, its hilarious.
(ed. note -- We really like Madsen and his tough nosed game. It's just toooooooo easy to make fun of him)

15. Pull My Finger (Via The Corndogg): Just like the Lone Gunman Theory, you know there is something fishy going on in Cleveland. Lebron goes out with a wussy injury like a finger sprain. His Airness, the Bobcats GM, feels pity for his protege. Jordan makes Robert Johnson sign Varajeo, just to give him back to Lebron (who can make the offer, and presumably will) for a discounted price and an early termination clause, just around the time Lebron will be ready to bolt town for a bigger market. This way, LBJ gets what he wants (because, presumably, he wants to win now AND later), he and Jordan continue to plot on how to take down the league, and the Cavs get back an integral piece to their lineup. Guess Super Lebron will be taking off that damn turtleneck and donning his cape sooner than we thought. Except, not tonight, against New Jersey. He still wants Jason Kidd to beg.

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