Monday, December 17, 2007

15 Footer 12. 17. 07

It's great night in the NBA. Glory to Stern!

15 Reasons To Watch the Games of the National Basketball Association Tonight:

1.See, The Train Is Supposed To Go ON The Tracks: Utah has lost 6 of it's last 10, finally getting a win last night, because, really, everyone but the Knicks can beat the Sonics. Tonight they face the Hawks, who are 5 back of the division lead. Not .500, kids. The Division lead. Utah, meanwhile, could be up 3 games in the division if they hadn't completely forgotten how to not give the ball to the other team every single time. So tonight's got a lot at stake.

2. A 7 Foot Chinese Man Makes For A Large Shadow: Milwaukee and Cleveland meet up tonight. And much like a Romo-Whitten-T.O. sandwhich, you'd be amazed to discover who's on top. Milwaukee's got a half game lead over Cleveland, 6.5 back of the Nazr-less Pistons. Cleveland was supposedly "back" after the "big" win over the Pacers last week when His Highness came back. But they've dropped two in a row, now, the latest a rather... um... unfortunate loss to the Sixers. Games against shaky Milwaukee and the Knicks would be an opportune time to right the ship, before playing the Lakers later this week.

3. You'd Never Believe What $22 Million Will Get You: Probably the most frustrating thing about the Knicks for their fans isn't that they suck, it's that they're sucking while being obscenely overpaid. Tonight they play the Pacers, who are .500, 5 games better than the Knicks, with $22 Million less in payroll. That's a little bit obscene. We do like the Tinsley V. Crawford matchup, and the battle of the unhappy big men as Curry and O'Neal face off.

4. It's Going To Be Like Looking Into A Mirror, Except One That Removes The Unfathomably Big Ego You Have: The "Resurgent Heat" are at home against Minny tonight. They've really shown that they are back on fire, going 3-7 in their last 10, including back to back losses to the Pacers and Wizards. Shaquille, who's been chippy with the media all season, goes up against Al Jefferson tonight, which should be fun. These are the kind of matchups where the veteran works over the youngster, most times. But this will be a good measure of how far Shaq is over the hill, and how close to the ladder Big Kid J is. Of course the real reason to watch this game is...

5. So We Meet Again, Mr. Davis. I See Your Obsession With Shooting Has Not Cooled.: Ricky Davis meets some old friends tonight as he faces the team he was traded from. We'll be checking the highlights to see who gets to posterize 'Ricky tonight. On Friday it was Caron Butler, who made R. Dizzle just look silly on a post up spin dunk Friday night. If Marko Jaric manages the same on Ricky, he may be having the best month ever.

6. Woo-hoo! We Get To Play Someone From The East! No More Big Men... Oh, No.:
Let's get this out of the way. We're not buying into this whole, "The Magic are coming back to Earth" thing. They're 5-5 in their last 10, they've still got a 3 game lead in a still young and shaky Southeast, and, oh yeah, Big Baby Jesus is still dropping games like the 30 and 20 behemoth he did the other night, albeit in a loss. Anybody want to bet us that the Mavericks win if (the Magic's) Howard goes for 30 and 20 again? That's what we thought.

7. Shall We Dispense With the Pleasantries?: Suns. Spurs. Both at full strength, both pissed off, and both at the top of the Western Conference. San Antonio looked beatable... when it was missing Tony Parker and Tim Duncan. But they're both back. This is the type of game that we tell people to pay attention to, even in December. Words like "home-court advantage" and "mental edge" come heavily into play in games like this. The Spurs have been above everybody this season, much like the rest of the decade, and have turned it on whenever and wherever they want. Meanwhile, if Amare Stoudemire can't get pumped about this game, there's something wrong with him. Finally, Grant Hill was brought in for veteran leadership for games just like this. We'll see if he can get it done, because the Spurs have Cheap Shot Bob and Michael Finley to answer. If worst comes to worst, they can always just have Bowen sever Hill's legs in half with a chainsaw and the refs can eject Amare for trying to gather his legs up to take him to the locker room. Because that's how Stu Jackson's crew rolls.

8. Walkin' In Memphis. Apparently On Every Single Crack: Corn and I want to understand the Grizzlies. We look at them on paper, and ask ourselves, outside of being doomed to the Division wherein Hell looks like vacation, they've got a pretty solid squad. They've got a nice combination of talent, speed, shooters, and size. But they just keep hanging with good squads and then falling to them. We emailed the gents over at 3 Shades of Blue as to whether they really thought they should blow up the team, or if they thought, like us, they just can't catch any breaks. There's some disagreement over there, but lead co-blogger Josh kindly dropped us this in an email:

"A vast majority of the dissatisfaction with the current foundation is the perception that Mike Miller and Pau Gasol are bad NBA players because neither of them are clutch late-game performers and are perceived to be bad defenders. I agree that Miller is a sieve on defense, but Gasol is actually average at the very least in man-to-man defense. If you read my "Waiting for Gasol" piece last week, you saw that I advocated an acceptance of both of them (but especially Gasol) for what they are, which is a #2 (Gasol) and a 6th man (Miller) on a team with title aspirations. I still firmly believe that a team with Michael Conley, Rudy Gay, Pau Gasol and Darko Milicic in the starting lineup along with a more defensive-minded SG can win a playoff round or two in the next two years with Juan Carlos Navarro as Instant Grits off the bench. (The team gave him that nickname because "he heats up fast" according to Miller and Casey Jacobsen the other night postgame.)

I'm holding firm to my belief that this team only needs to be tweaked, not blown up. Tim Duncan and Steve Nash aren't going to play forever, after all. And if Yao Ming and Tracy McGrady can't get out of the first round with their combined talent level, what makes anyone think that we'll do any better by trading away half the team?"

Smart guy, that Josh. We'll see if the Grizz can't catch a break tonight against the Warlocks at home. Meanwhile...

9. Shake, Shake, Boom Dizzle, Shake Your Body Line:
While we think watching Rudy Gay vs. Biedrins and SJax versus Navarro, if you're the owner of the Warlocks, aren't you pretty much terrified of having your team in Memphis overnight? If I were Nellie, I would bring in SJax and Dizzle in Hannibal Lector masks, in cages, have them wheeled to the court, let out to play, then returned to the cages and sedated overnight on a direct flight back to Oakland. We like Memphis. It's a lot of fun. But we've also had friends that went to Platinum. We're just sayin', you play with matches, you get burned.

10. Sentences You Never Thought You'd Hear, Vol. 1: "Boris Diaw really needs to play more like Oberto." Diaw has really been crappy lately, after a nice start to the year. Oberto, conversely, was a major factor in the Spurs going 2-2 with Duncan out. Oberto's the kind of player that can drive you nuts if you're not a fan of the team he's on. He has little discernible talent, is on the court mainly due to his size, and manages to get most of his production thanks to the attention paid to his teammates. Yet, unlike the players you and I choose to root for, who have incredible talent and choose to just d*ck around with it, Oberto works for it. Now, Diaw isn't overly talented to begin with. But unless he steps up with some crunch minutes tonight while Amare is on the bench resting/fuming about the 19 fouls they will call on him as he guards Duncan, the Suns are sunk. Or set. Something.

Of Course, Corn Disagrees...

11. Boris Diaw Led The Suns In Assists Last Game (Via The Corndogg):
Please never make me write the sentence again, oh dear sweet baby Phoenix god.

12. Where I Come From, The Word "Dampier" Roughly Translates To "Swamp Ass"(Via The Corndogg): Dallas has last year's MVP. Orlando has, quite possibly this year's MVP (he's got my voted). And tonight, although both teams are struggling, you are going to witness the monster that is Dwight Howard make a monstrosity out of the Diop/Dampier combo the Mavs throw at him. I mean seriously, Howard is 2nd the league in minutes, carrying all the rebounding on his back and dominates on both ends of the court. Dirk likes to hit long jumpers from time to time. All Hail, BBJ.

13. Momma Said Knock You Out(Via The Corndogg): And by Momma, I mean Larry Bird. The NBA's two fist-iest franchises meet tonight in the garden to rough it up, Mayweather style. If I had it my way, I would just have Larry Legend use that insane reach to come across the floor, from his sky-box, and bust Isiah upside his head. Good thing for us, Bird has Troy Murphy to do that. I don't think its a coincidence that the Pacers, predicted to finish near the bottom of the East, are playing great and at .500, while the Knicks, who were supposed to be in the middle, are wayyyyy down at the bottom. Because, quite frankly, Isiah runs the Knicks. That is why. Burn in hell, Zeke.

14. I Can't Blame Him (Via The Corndogg): Marko Jaric, stuck in freezing Minneapolis, will not be playing tonight for the T-Wolves. Instead, he will be lying on South Beach vehemently doggystyling his SUPER HOT girlfriend, Adriana Lima. It will offer a much better workout than taking the court against the freakin' Heat. And you know what, God Bless Him.
P.S. We need the Heat to win this one anyway, so the Knicks can inch closer to the cellar in the East. For normalcy's sake. Burn in Hell, Zeke.

15. And I Saw A Dark Horse, And On Him Sat A Dark Rider, And His Name...Was Roy: The following memo did not go out at the beginning of this season. Management wishes to apologize for this error and is dispensing it now to relevant personnel.

To: Portland Trailblazers
From: Powers That Be
RE: The 2007-2008 NBA Season

You're supposed to Suck.


As you can see, the Blazers never got the memo. They've been rolling with victories over average to good teams. Tonight they get the Hornets, their stiffest test yet, with a healthy Hornets squad hungry for the playoffs and CP3 playing out of his mind. We almost wish this was the game on NBATV tonight. Almost. Except for your bonus for the day...

Bonus #16! It's Suns Vs. Spurs: Let's plays some f*cking ball.

Add to Technorati Favorites