Thursday, December 13, 2007

15 Footer 12. 13. 07

So, we'd just like to say that Steve Nash is God. There are only two games on in the league tonight. In retaliation for the league pulling this on us, we've brought in the big guns! Special To Hardwood Paroxysm, help from Bullets Forever and Kurt from Forum Blue and Gold! That's right. We're bringing guest bloggers, you bastards. And we're going to the rack.

15 Reasons To Watch the Two F'ing Games In the NBA Tonight:

From Kurt of Forum Blue and Gold...

1. Speculation At Its Finest.(Via Kurt of FB&G): The only real question about the TNT studio guys speculating about Kobe’s state of mind right now is whether they can wait until the end of the Wizards/Heat game to do it. Is Kobe happy right now? Only Sir Charles knows for sure (they texted each other).

2. See Bruce Bowen Score.
Score, Bruce! Score! (Via Kurt of FB&G): Turns out he is physically capable of shooting the ball. He put up 23 on the Lakers last month, including going 6 of 6 from beyond the arc. When Tony Parker drove into the paint (which happened any time Tony Parker wanted to drive into the paint, nobody stopped him) the Lakers defense would collapse and Bowen got a bunch of good looks on kick-outs. It may well happen again.

3. Praise Him, Hold Him Highly
(Via Kurt of FB&G): What, you need more reasons then seeing Craig Sager?

From Bullets Forever:

My Name Is Antawn Jamison. You Owned My Zero. Prepare To Die (Via Jake The Snake of Bullets Forever) : The Heat have more or less owned the Wizards since D-Wade and Shaq have been around. In that time I think they've only beaten them once and that was last year when they were both injured so revenge is definitely on the minds of the Wizards.

5. What Do You Think Of When You Think Excitement?(Via Jake The Snake of Bullets Forever): The potential for a Nick Young vs. Shaq dance-off.

6. We Think It Was Mr. Riley In The Locker Room With The Lead Pipe(Via Jake The Snake of Bullets Forever): It's not often that you see a Cook and a Butler on the court at the same time.

7. We Prefer To Think Of It As Outsourcing (Inspired By Pradamaster of Bullets Forever): Only two of the ten starters in this game were drafted by their original team (Dwayne Wade, Brendan Haywood). Keep that in mind as you watch the draft scouts being tortured in the bowels of the arena on the new ESPN Halftime Show.

8. Getting The Band Back Together. For A Clusterf*ck (Inspired By Pradamaster of Bullets Forever): You may remember that Riley drafted Tuff Juice a few years back, before dishing him out to LA, where he was once again overlooked and shipped to Washington, where, you know, he's been pretty good. He and Wade are actually going to trade Pogs before the game.

9. They're Both Romantically Involved With Minnie Mouse (Inspired By Pradamaster of Bullets Forever): Gilbert Arenas is the heir apparent to the goofy title once held by Shaq. Currently, both are basically MIA, Gil because of injury, Shaq because of suckitude.

We want to thank those guys for the help. We couldn't have done it without you. And by "it" we mean, find reasons to keep on living through these two games tonight.

10. The Sickness Versus Rudolph The Red Nosed Reindeer: Duncan is a game-time decision, but odds are looking better that he suits up. Meanwhile, Ginobli finally had a terrible game the other night versus the Warlocks. He'll need to suit up tonight and go flop like no other because Biddy Baby Bynum has been redonkulous. The other night we saw him catch this alley oop from Fisher, and it looked like his arms had turned into buildings and the just came crashing down. It was insane. I literally pushed myself back in my couch. I had nightmares. Rudolph's not supposed to give nightmares, Kurt.

11. Inspiration Is A Beautiful Thing: Maybe one of you will watch Wade soar through the air with the greatest of ease, be touched by the tenacity (read: single-minded obsession with shooting) of Ricky Davis and the swan song of the Big Archimedes, and start a Miami blog. Because seriously people, if the Blazers have like, nine of them, can't the Heat with a championship two years ago get one?! What's wrong with you people? Is the weather that nice? Go inside every once in a while!

12. Bonner. Matt Bonner. Secret Agent: Corn's girlfriend went to a Spur's game at the beginning of this season, and I got a text message in the middle of the game. "Who in the hell is Matt Bonner? And why is he awesome?" Who, indeed, Sadie. Who, indeed?

13. Someone Call A Medic: Not only is Duncan banged up, but so is Parker. Of course, Timmy's hurt because he's actually hurt, and Parker's hurt because Eva may or may not have kicked a foot deep, deep into his vagina.

14. I Can't Believe It's Not Sucky!: Everyone just kind of assumed the Wiz would fall apart without Zero. And the bum rush still hasn't stopped. And even their fans are a little bewildered by it. Getting Zero back into the rotation may be pretty hard. We're really glad to see Brendan Haywood playing so well. We've given him a hard time as the weak link in the chain, but he's stepped it up for them, and that's great. Because if we don't get to see Butler and Arenas in the playoffs, we're going to be pretty pissed off.

15. We Need To File A Missing Person's Report: You guys remember Luke Walton? Remember that huge extension he got? We remember Luke Walton. We remember him being on our fantasy team. Why, Luke? Why? Why do you hate us? So if you see him scramble for another loose ball and miss, make an ill advised pass, or clank another jumper, and you hear an ungodly scream unlike anything you've ever heard? It's either me or Kupchak.

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