Friday, November 9, 2007

The Weekend Bank Shot 11.10

We'd like to welcome all our new visitors and give thanks and praise to Awful Announcing, Basketbawful, and the Almighty Deadspin for the links. We'll be sacrificing Manu Ginobli fatheads in your honor later.

Ah, the Weekend. Football, cooler weather, and absolutely no NBA games on national TV. Yay.

If you do go out looking for games, here's what on tap this weekend.

8 Reasons to Watch The Games This Weekend:

1. Get Your Hands Up: The Phoenix Two-Face Show East Coast Tour continues Saturday night in Orlando. STAT's back, which means it's Amare vs. Big Baby Jesus. Rashard Lewis vs. Shawn Marion. Steve Nash vs... uh-oh. Jameer Nelson has been playing really well, especially last night's win over the Knicks (note: Check out Third Quarter Collapse if you get a chance. Their reserved enthusiasm makes for a terrific read.). But if Nash has another abracadabra night, it could be curtains for the boys in blue. Of course, the best way to beat the Suns is to crash the boards, and you know, the Magic kind of have Godzilla down there. Only Godzilla Jesus.

2. This Would Be A Good Time For Another Timely "Injury," Vince: "Ah, it's good to be a Net, isn't it, Jason? Sure, your wife's a psychopath, and our leading scorer reminds people of Dr. Turk, but we've got some quality wins already, and we look like we can match up with... wait, what's on the schedule? What the hell do you mean, El Tigre Monstruoso? ... Aw, crap! My hammy! Oh, my hammy! It hurts! It hurts so good... I mean, bad! What do you mean, faking?! Jason! No! Don't make me go! I don't want to go! Mommy!"

3. Win Streak, Here We Come!: Toronto and the Bulls meet Saturday night in a battle of slow-starters. The Bulls have some revenge on their minds as the Raps took the 2 seed from them in the last game of the season last year, costing them home court. The Raps have been all over the place. Blowing out the Nets, getting creamed by the Bucks and the Magic, losing to the Juggernaut by 3. Both teams need this one. You know what Ben Wallace needs? To quit the Troll Doll Hair and remember what it's like to put the ball in the little bucket thingie.

4. At This Point Voodoo Is A Viable Option: The Wizards lost AGAIN last night, sending them to the worst start in franchise history. Saturday night they match up with the beloved upstart athletic wingman clone army called the Atlanta Hawks. The Hawks beat the Mavericks, have lost some tough ones, and are playing pretty well. Their draft pick is working out, Scorch is shooting well, and Josh Smith is making the leap. So basically everything that's never supposed to happen in Atlanta is happening. Zero is shooting terrible and Josh Smith is leading a Hawks resurgence. Let us pray.

5. Thank God That's Over. Wait. What's That Sound?: Yi played well last night, but fell to the mighty Rockets. It gets no easier for Redd and Co. as they travel to San Antonio. Tony Parker continued his quest to stick his jibblets in my eye every time I slight him in any way, dropping 27 and 8 on the team led by the guy I said was the 2nd best pure point in the game. Whoops. Sorry, Tony. Feel free to continue your soul-sucking journey to the next in a long line of low-ratings Finals.

6. Space Invaders Vs. The Last Starfighter: Sam Cassell ("Don't make an alien joke. Don't make an alien joke. It's so overdone. Don't make an alien joke.") and the rest of his crew of the starship Clippers (Damn it!) at home Sunday night after predictably falling to the Pistons last night. Playing the Pistons on a rebound night is like getting a prostate exam after the doctor's been on a post-divorce bender. Unpleasantness upon unpleasantness. LeBron and the LeBronites got a victory last night over the Kings, one I'm sure they'll be crowing about for decades to come. Kaman faces Z in a matchup of ugly, ugly, big white men. (Props to Girls Gone Sports for the pic.)

7. They Cut All The Trees And Put 'Em In a Tree Museum:
I had a friend recently move to China, and she was telling me of the startling, unfathomable amount of pollution that exists in the country. It looks like haze, to the point where it was hard to see across the hall in her apartment complex. That sounds pretty gross. You know what's also gross? The Dynasty and how he's dominating the paint lately. Sunday night he's facing young gun "Oak" Okafor, who's coming off of a 23 rebound game Friday night. He's making definite strides on an injury-plagued team, but something tells me City beats Country this time.

8. Play That Funky Music, White Boy: There's very little to notice about the Nuggets-Pacers game, a game the Nuggets should win easily, and therefore will probably lose. However, it does mean that Linas Kleiza and Mike Dunleavy Jr. will be on the court at the same time. They should trade dating tips. Or dance. Either thought makes us giggle, and not in the schoolgirl way.

Back on Monday with the 15 footer. Have a great weekend, be sure to RSS us, and worship at altars built to exalt us.

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