Thursday, November 8, 2007

15 Footer 11.8.07

Props to Basketbawful for the link this morning.

What? Only three games? After Monday's disaster, this ain't no thing but a chicken wing.

15 Reasons to Watch the Three Games on Tonight.

1. We Were Dead Before The Ship Even Sank: Okay, Bulls. You better pull a rabbit out of Ben Wallace's fro, because it's Detroit tonight. The Pistons are marching along with the same consistency they always do, and you're looking at 0-5. That spells bad things for you in a suddenly loaded Eastern Conference. It's an 82 game season, but now, it's a 78 game season, and starting out 5 games back of the division is not exactly going to help with the confidence bit. (Note: of course, this could end up being the lowpoint that drives them to a comeback. Nice thing about the NBA. Nobody knows what the hell is going to happen. "The NBA: Where Clusterf*!ks Happen.")

2. It Gives My Heart Great Joy to See Your Eyes Fill With Fear: "Hello, again, Golden State. It's been some 6 months since last we met. Are you well? Do you feel fine and good? No? 0-4 you say? That's too bad. Don't worry. We're sure you'll have the same luck against us as you did back in May. Hmmm? What's that? Well, yes, our offensive efficiency is tops of the league. And yes, we are shooting 51% of the field. But surely you'll be fine with Stephen Jackson there to hit daggers against us again. What's that you say? Not playing? Oh, pity. (*Pulls dagger*) Oh, we're going to have great fun, Golden State. Great fun indeed. "

3. Richard Jefferson Is Dead, And The Daylight's Comin' On: The Nets join the ranks of the preseason pissed off, as they are 3-1, with only that revenge beatdown by the Raps as a mark against them. They've been led by Richard Jefferson, considered as trade bait by many, who's averaging 28 points per 40, and shooting 52% from the field. They've got what you might call a weak defensive team tonight, so expect more fireworks.

4. Perhaps We Should Call Him Sub-Zero: Everyone's favorite blogger is getting backlash from bloggers, having his knee drained every three days, and oh, yeah, shooting 33% from the field. That's not so good, Al. Zero knows he's got to step it up, and has said that he'll shake it off. Since he's on two of my fantasy teams, might I suggest he hurry the hell up? KThx.

5. Yeah, Well, Your Mother's Jason Maxiell!: You may be wondering like us who the hell Maxiell is. Oh, that kid from Cincinatti! I remember him! Funny thing about the Pistons. They don't let their draft picks see the light of day for a few years. Then when they do? They produce. Kid popped for 19 and 15 the other night. He will probably see significant time again considering how weak ass the Bulls are and with Amir Johnson still coming back from injury.

6. Is That A Hook Shot in Your Pocket Or Are You Just Happy To See Me?: The Wizards have been getting killed in the paint. Bullets Forever is begging Eddie to play Andray Blatche, who's young, can play inside, and is not Darius Songaila. Maybe if nothing else Andray can get the Nets off guard by propositioning Kidd.

7. Ludacris Balance and Rotate All Tires: Biedrins was denied a big ol' contract extension in the offseason, possibly due to the same reasons GSoM dubbed him "one minute man." He's got a pretty sizable team tonight with Dirk, possibly Dampier, and of course, Diop It Like It's Hot coming into town. He's got to show up tonight for the Dubs if they want a dub.

8: The Return of Jub-Jub: So we pumped up Jose Juan Barea last time, and he didn't really show up much. But this is the Warriors! Even GSoM (are you getting how awesome (read: unstoppable!) this blog is? is concerned about the mighty Jub-Jub becoming Nash for a night.

9. "You're the thief. I'm just standing up for my rights as a power-forward!": We've gone from being afraid of Rasheed Wallace, to annoyed, to amused, to annoyed, to respecting his uncanny ability to get tossed from games. The man is a big ol' loose cannon, but not in the dangerous way. He's just pretty much capable of doing anything childish and petulant at any moment. He's a HOFer in our opinion, based solely on entertainment value. We wonder what the over/under on technicals for him is , per game? And how about ejections per season?

10. Cooler Than A Polar Bear's Toenails (As Long As It's Not Broken) (via the Corndogg)(via the Corndogg): This man, watch him. You will be reborn in his image. Some of us were privileged to be bathed in his glory during last year's playoffs. We need him to rise again. And it will be good. Good, like this. Boom. Freakin'. Dizzle.

11. Crazy For You, But Not That Crazy (via the Corndogg): Yeah, I know guys, this is the look I had too when I found out Brad Paisley won Male Vocalist of the Year last night at the Country Music Awards. Oh wait...what? That is the Nets reaction to H.O.V.A. singing the national anthem tonight? Or maybe they just don't know the guy who is starting along side them at power forward tonight. All are legitimate answers.

12. (Kobe Trade Rumors,) Ain't No Way DOA (via the Corndogg):With the baby Bulls playing this awful early in the season, at least us true NBA fans are spared the Kobe trade talks for a while. Why would Mr. No Trade Clause want to be shuttled off to a team that ain't worth a piss to beging with. Take away whomever you wish and add Kobe to this hot mess... and all you'll get is a hotter, messier mess. Face it, the Bulls are bad. Gordon needs to shut up. Deng needs to speak up. Wallace needs to step up. And Ty Thomas needs to grow up. Or Skiles is gonna throw up.

13. A Borat Joke Waiting To Happen (Is Nice!) (via the Corndogg): How many games do the Warriors have to lose in a row before some ultra-cool, Google-working, hipster-wanna-be slacker fairy dresses up like Borat himself. Except, instead of wearing a sweaty, ill fitting grey suit, the douchebag in a bad mustache will have on last year's Warriors playoff shirt. Then, just to show you how cool he is, the word NOT will be painted on the back. Then Doug Collins will catch him with both thumbs popped directly in the air, quizzical grin on his face and make an insightful comment about the creative nature of Bay Area fans. NOT!! (Ed. Note: I'm pretty sure that the Warrior fanatical will hang true, they're pretty smart basketball fans. Corndogg, however, firmly believes in the idiocy of all mankind. He's got a point there).

14. The Clippers are 5-0. What By the Beard of Zeus Is Going On? (via the corndogg): I know this has nothing to do with tonight, but until these guys lose, I think they should have 1 spot reserved in the 15 footer. They are already a quarter of the way to the win total predicted by ESPN's wet dream, John Hollinger. Suck it statistics. All we are saying, is give Cuttino a chance.

15. Better Get To Chewin': Jefferson. Kidd. Carter. Caron, you're our favorite Wiz. Get to chewin'.

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