Thursday, November 29, 2007

15 Footer 11.29.07

We're totally cool with Scorch managing to slide the Hawks past the Bucks. We're fine with the Pistons laughing off the notion of LeBron having an edge. Because at least we nailed the Rockets-Suns game. One out of seven ain't bad!

Yes, we've finally hit a rhythm. As long as we don't get another one of those three game nights again, we, f*ck beans.


15 Reasons to Watch the THREE Games in the National Basketball Association Tonight:

1. Attack Of The Gigantic Markets (Via the Corndogg): The Traveling Train Wreck that is the New York Knickerbockers are up against it tonight. Tonight affords a rare opportunity to view just where the Knicks are at. They can either have one of those nights where they fight off the criticism, and rise above, or this can be the night Knicks fans point to and go, wow, that was really the bottom of the barrel. They've got the Juggernaut. The War Machine. The Hydra. The Celtics. It's on TNT, which means the whole country may get to see the Knicks fans rise up and revolt on Isiah as Madison Square Garden becomes the Bastille.

2. Switched At Birth: So the Nuggets feature two legit All-Stars, the defensive player of the year, solid role players, and a tremendous inner line of sizable defense. The Lakers feature an egomaniac superstar, a green center still trying to find his rhythm, a never-was power forward with a serious history of injury, a D-league promoted point guard, the son of a deranged studio host, and Ronnie Turiaf. So, of course the Nuggets are 9-6 and the Lakers are 8-6. Because that makes sense. Kill us.

3. No Country For Old Men (Via The Corndogg): And by country, we mean Oakland. Dikembe, currently the oldest player in the league, will be at a severe disadvantage if Adelman uses him for Yao's breather minutes tonight. But, its games like this where the impossible happens. Mutombo glides out onto the court, blocks two dunks on 1 possession, eats Monta Ellis, laughs and goes back to the bench for a nice, satisfactory evening's work. We love Dikembe and hope he gets some burn, you know, since NBA games are actually on TV tonight!! In other news, we promise to make the great AT&T commercial parody every using not only all of Dikembe's names, but also all of the languages he speaks and NBA teams he has played for . It will be, in a word, totally incredible. Now, if I can just take a week off work to complete it.

4. Because... (Via the Corndogg): You can't get the Packers vs. Jessica Simpson's he-bitch and his gaggle of man-ginas (aka The Cowboys). And you know why, cause they are on NFL Network. Who even owns that crap? Or, watch the TNT matchups tonight because you just cant take the excitement of Women's College Basketball. We understand, makes our blood pressure boil too.

5. At Another Isiah Time, In Another Isiah Universe (Via the Corndogg): The apple of Jimmy Dolan's putrid, arrogant slightly lazy eye gets to suck some Hydra tail tonight. The Celtics get the Knicks in the Garden tonight and, after coming off an excrutiating loss to SuperLebron, they are not going to relax. Its really like Doc Rivers and Isiah are the same coach, except 1 is an insufferable idiot that wouldn't have a job except for his pissy-pants boss thinks too highly of him and the talent on his team. The other is Isiah (fascinating read!). I wonder what Zeke and Marbury will storm up to combat the conquering Celts ?

6. Gold Soundz (Via the Corndogg):Now this is the reason we watch basketball (well, except that of the 3 games being played tonight, this one is not televised). The Warriors have won their last 4 and 7 of their last 8. You can even make a case for Stephen Jackson as MVP, you know, if Dwight Howard, KG, Lebron, Kobe and Antoine Walker weren't in the picture. They are matching up against a healthy T-Mac (for now) and a Rockets squad that appears to be mastering Adelman's offense. Houston can play at any tempo, Golden State only plays at a rocket's tempo. Should be heated and exciting offensive orgy, with a potential Jessica Alba sighting. Can't wait for the highlights tomorrow morning!!

7. I Wonder What Gallagher Is Up To Now? (Via the Corndogg): Or,"Why isn't there more of the Lakers on TV?" Neither of the questions should ever be asked. Unless you want your head smashed like a watermelon with a mallet. I hate cable. So, if you must, watch their game for Bynum. He is looking terrific.

8. And Now For The Encore (Via the Corndogg): Well, if I were a betting man (and I am, it's an addiction), I would put a big fat Washington up against Stevie Franchise doing either of the 2 things he did in last night's win over Phoenix tonight against the Warlocks: 1) making the game saving shot and 2) playing great defense and stripping the ball away to secure the win. I will however, bet that Dizzle goes nuts against any James/Alston/Stevie hybrid and that during halftime, SJax gets a new tat. Probably this. Or this.

9. Yakhouba Diawara (pronounced "that other dude") (Via the Corndogg):
Noun: the fifth starter for most of the Denver Nugget's games
Origin: some say French, although we believe it to be Jibberish
Root Word: whodatdiarrhea?
Usage In Sentence: who in the hell is Yakhouba Diawara?
Alternate Pronunciations: melo's bitch, suck it najera, and please don't violate that restraining order J.R. Smith.

10. You Spin Me Right Rondo, Baby, Right Rondo: The Cavs dared Rondo to beat them the other night, and it worked out well for them. Of course, there will be no such dominant defense played tonight by New York. Rondo should be able to create tonight. We've been pretty impressed with Rajon this far. Playing with guys of that caliber is hard to keep your head straight, and he seems to understand his role and not be afraid to assert himself when he needs to. Let's just hope whatever strain of crazy Starbury has isn't contagious.

11. Holy Crap, the D-League Thing May Actually Work Out: We present you now the case of Kelenna David Azubuike. If the name is familiar, it's because he keeps hitting huge 3s for the Warlocks at the end of the game. He's quickly climbing the list of our favorite Warriors, though that's a huge list. That team is more fun to watch than those Canadian PSAs (we refuse to link them as to not continue the trail of nightmares). This is another great example of how the D-League is starting to work as it should. We love the D-league and will be starting a D-League feature out there (contributors welcome!), soon. It's so ridiculous, it may just work.

12. Unleash El Tigre. : The Celtics have been dominant this season. That's certainly true. But we're still waiting for that game. The one where El Tigre unleashes all those years of pent up aggression and just goes off in that way that makes us forget about BBJ, and LBJ, and everyone else and remember the true face of fear... is El Tigre Monstruoso. We fear that may be tonight, Knicks fans...

13. If I Had A Trillion Dollars: Your Trillion Watch for tonight: DJ Mbenga, Randolph Morris, Gabe Pruitt, Javaris Crittenton. Nothing like paying attention to see if a guy can get yanked before doing ANYTHING (Thanks to Basketbawful)

14. Your Ridiculous Salary Of The Night: Think of all the things you would do with $2.5 Million. Now, realize that Chris Mihm can do all those things for scoring 4.4 points, 4.4 rebounds, and .7 assists per game. Don't reach for the gun. There are no accidents. (Still not linking to it, you sick bastards)

15. Every Time A Bell Rings, Kwame Brown Drops A Pass (Via The Corndogg): With all the Christmas trees going up all over America, there have got to be a lot of bell ornaments being hung. And you know, children, that Kwame Brown aint getting what he wants for Xmas this year: a bigger, better pair of hands. His minutes are shrinking, like his fingerprints, and the Lakers are actually benefitting from it. I hate to say he is a washout at 24... wait, no I don't. Not after this happened. We will never forget. But hey, Bynum is sprouting right before our very eyes. And, who doesn't like watching HP fav Ronnie Turiaf? Guess there's always next year, Buster Brown.

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