Wednesday, November 28, 2007

15 Footer 11.28.07

Yup. We knew it. Rag on the Pacers, Dunleavey drops 30. Mock the Cavs, they take down the Juggernaut. Drop a paragraph piece about how the Heat made a drastic mistake for the longterm, and they summarily drop the future-minded Bobcats like a bad habit.

The one thing you can count on in the NBA, it will always do the exact opposite of what makes sense when you call attention to it.

The madness continues with...

15 Reasons to Watch the Games in the National Basketball Association Tonight:

1. It's Gonna Take The Flavor Of Hellfire: The Wizards are known as Zero's crew, we all know that. But honestly, our favorite Wizard may just be Caron Butler. Thanks to great work from blogs like Bullets Forever, we can keep track of just how hot Tuff Juice is. He's going on our All-Star Ballot, regardless. He's been fantastic while Nachooooo! has been out, but tonight he's taking Jamison and crew to San Antonio to face the Movie Version of Galactus. Just as unstoppable, but still boring as all get out.

2. Golly, Mr. Boozer, What Big Eyes You Have!: Philadelphia's got Utah tonight, and the two have gone completely opposite in the last 10 games (7-3 vs. 3-7, guess which is which). The Sixers are doing okay inside, but they're going to need to be fantastic to take down the Booze Cruise and HotStuff. The Jazz are no.1 in Assist:Turnover ratio. Iggy might want to use some chalk. Or glue. Or cement.

3. So We Meet Again, Mr. Billups: LeBron is establishing a long line of teams in the East that he owns. It started with the Wizz. His latest acquisition? The Pistons. Thing is, the Pistons don't really take kindly to that kind of talk, youngster. They also don't care much for the revenge bit, either. As Hoopworld mentions, this is the only time the teams face each other for 3 and a half months, so if Detroit wants to put last year's collapse behind them, they need to do what they do and win the ballgame. We don't think this game has anything to do with how the season or playoffs will go, but it will make a dent in the media, and nobody wants to hear about it for three months.

4. In This Scenario, Grant Hill and Raja Bell Are Little Girls: Houston gets Phoenix again, this time in its own house. Houston's won two straight after that rather disheartening crash landing a few weeks back. Houston's got t find some answers to their questions tonight. The big problem for them in their last meeting is that they kept falling for the Suns signature trap. "Come on, run with us! Come on, it'll be fun! Here, take the jumper! It's open! It won't hurt! No, don't pass for a better shot! You ran all the way down here! Take it! Play with us, Tracy. Forever, and ever, and ever...."

5. Rafer Alston, Public Enemy No.1: We want to take this opportunity to welcome The Dream Shake, the Rockets blog by which we hold all other Rockets blog accountable. We'd also like to take this moment to thank them for their detailed and beautiful hatred of Rafer Alston. Rafer's one of those guys that slips in between the cracks of criticism a lot of the time, and the fact that the Dream Shake is hell bent on giving the guy a Code Red, well, that just makes us giggle. Glad to have you, gents.

6. Classic Case of "Can't See The Forest For All The Crappy Teams We Keep Losing To": Well, the Wiz made it happen again on Monday. The Mavs went 0-3 versus mediocre to average Eastern Teams. Tonight they get Al Jefferson and the WonderWolves, who got their second victory of the year the other night. So they're not exactly surging. But against Dallas, you may not need to be! Also, Jefferson versus Diop is going to feel very strange, and we're not sure why.

7. Beno, Boom Dizzle. Boom Dizzle, Beno. : One of the things we find hilarious is that when teams are offensively terrible they're listed as "defense-minded." Sorry, this is basketball. The Spurs play good defense. They still like to outscore other people. The Kings actually are a pretty good defensive team, though, which is why we're intrigued by that matchup with the arcade game that is the Golden State Warriors. We watched the Suns vs. Warriors game the other night. It made our brains hurt. It was fun, but we got kind of sick watching it. It was kind of like the Blair Witch Project, only with Monta Ellis scoring 15 straight instead of the annoying chick crying. Anywho, Beno Udrih has been big lately for the Kings in relief of still injured Mike Bibby, and he's got Baron Davis tonight. We'll see how that goes.

8. What Made Milwaukee Famous: Okay, we've wanted to do that headline all year. It's the first thing that pops in our head. Now we've done it, and we can move on. Okay? In much the same way, the resurgent Bucks get their dose of struggling Atlanta. Josh Smith and Scorch haven't been enough lately. If this team wants to get out of its usual suck festival it has every year, Marvin Williams and Al Horford are going to have to get big and get nasty. Otherwise, it's going to be more Redd and Yi.

9. You're The One That We Want: We're not unhappy with Magic v. Sonics tonight on NBATV. It's nice that the Magic are seen as much as they are. And watching the Sonics find new ways to lose is always fun. But the Grizzlies are in Toronto tonight. And that's just happy music. We're not going to do the whole Super Jamario thing, though we want to. If they knock off the Cavs tomorrow night, we'll have some fun with him. This matchup is great, and we wish it were getting the NBATV slot. People across the country should get to see this one. Navarro vs. Calderon alone is worth the price of admission. Jesus, this sounds like a boxing match.

10. Jub-Jub: We're just sayin. We're juuuust sayin. If my team was 0-3 in the last three games, we'd find a way to get Jub-Jub involved. We're just sayin. He scored 15 in the loss to the Wizz. Take a chance! Free Jub-Jub!

11. Auf Wiedersehen! (Via the Corndogg): Just like this titillating Texan in the title, the Mavs have no shot, going up against the hot shot T-wolves tonight. And by "hot shot," I mean, they won their last game. Better than dropping 3 straight against some of the worst, and not-exactly-worst teams in the league over the last week. Keep this up and "Guns" Cuban will be cha-cha ing his way to a big midseason trade. So much for standing pat. Well, at least you can beat the Spurs. Guess that counts for something.

12. Please Tell Me Andray Blatche Has A Grudge Against The Spurs (Via the Corndogg): Seems the only teams that can be San Antonio this year are the ones who have people that truly despise them: Dirk, Adelman, Udrih . (Ed. not - this bodes really well for Phoenix ). Everyone else just doesn't really care about the Spurs, and they have used that insouciance (I heard Moby use this word once) to just slither along at a cowboy's pace in their 12 wins. So, unless the arresting officer in Blatche's pre-season incident is a former Spurs dancer, the Wiz better watch out. But then again, Jamison could play out of his mind (can you say "contract year") and Washington could keep on rollin'.
(Ed. note - Just let it be known that our hearts go out to the D.C. sports area and especially to Sean Taylor's family. We make a lot of bad/mean/unforgivable jokes, but real life hatred is much more cruel.)

13. In 8 Mile, The Still Have Nightmares (Via the Corndogg): Xmas has come early to HP. Artest and SJax. Both totally healthy, both ballin' like mad and both still as crazy as the day is long. It would be safer to stick you head in a microwave than to go out with these two, but seeing them battling it out on the floor will be like a sonnet, or perhaps, more like an elegy. Eh, but you know what, those Pistons fans deserved it. Yeah, I said it. Love you Sjax and Ron Ron.

14. Those Were The Days (Via the Corndogg): Speaking of the Pacers, they just cannot get anything going. Can't get on a winning streak. Hell, they can't even get on a losing streak. Seriously, give us something to write about. Well, besides Mike Dunleavy's new guns. He's gotta be on the juice! I smell a federal indictment. Seriously, these guys have no personalities, no animation. They are just as bland as the corn rows surrounding Indy. Wait, isn't this article supposed to be telling us why we SHOULD watch the games tonight? Oh well, I forget. Maybe you will have a Darius Miles sighting. Nah, forget it. You'd have a better chance of catching Darius if you were the only person in American who owned The Perfect Score. Well, that, and I would probably hunt you down and burn your eyes out with a curling iron.

15. Professional Arm Wrestling (Via The Corndogg): At intermission tonight, I'm taking Horford. Matt's got Yi piggybacked on Bobby Simmons, while using 2 arms. Surrounding this action will be watching the mighty rookie try to crack the Top 10 in rebounding. I admit it, the Hawks did right by this one. Now, if they only had that Shelden Williams promise back from last year. Oh Billy Knight, what a kidder!

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