Wednesday, November 14, 2007

15 Footer 11.14.07

It's been quite a busy last few days around these parts. If you're new from Deadspin, CSTB, Awful Announcing, Posting and Toasting, or the awesome guys over at Epic Canival, welcome. Make yourselves at home. But use a coaster fer Chrissakes, ye hooligans. Much thanks for the links over the last few days.

Back to a full slate of NBA games, and no Jub-Jub obsession to be found today (although tomorrow is a whole other story).

15 Reasons To Watch Tonight's NBA Games:

1. I Need A Hero (Or At Least A Freaking Backcourt): You know, the Knicks season started off pretty well. It looked like Randolph was fitting in, the players were playing defense, they had that nice win over the Nuggets... And then just like that, everything dropped like Marbury's pants in an SUV. Now Marbury's out, Randolph's out on bereavement, QRich is sitting out, and there's panic in the streets. You know what'll make this situation better? Trading for Kobe! If only you had anything to trade...

2. Went Through The Desert On a Bear With No Name: Last night, as you'll read more about in a minute, the Grizzlies beat the Rockets, even though Pau Gasol only scored 26 and TMac had 41. The Grizzlies are now 2-4, and could very easily have been 3-3 had a bucket fell the right way. All this with their lottery pick resting comfortably on the bench in the vaunted DNP-Coach's decision position. We had laughed early on when people started talking about the Grizz making a run for the 8 seed. But with the scrappy way they've been playing and the inconsistency of teams outside of the Big Western 4, who's to say? Stranger things have happened. Like, oh, say, the Grizzlies beating the Rockets even though Pau Gasol only scores 26 and McGrady scores 41.

3. I Return To You Now... At The Turning Of The Tide...Where's The Smores At?: Ron Artest returns to the lineup tonight for the Kings, against the T-Wolves in Minnesota. We didn't care about this game before. But now? There's just no way we don't pay attention to Ron Artest. He's like Ray Lewis if Ray Lewis didn't care about public perception and hadn't killed a guy. (Thanks to Sactown Royalty for the good news!)

4. We've Got To Hold On To What We've Got (And By That, I Mean, The Damn Ball!): Andre "Iggy" Iguodala is having an allright season on a pretty crappy Sixers team. Except for one thing. He leads the league in turnovers. This seems to be the case of a young player trying to do too much. Of course, we can't be too hard on him. For one thing, the 2nd and 3rd most are held by Steve Nash and Allen Iverson, and even with the run and gun styles of those offenses, it's still a lot. For another, his per100 TOs is not that bad, coming in at 19 (though he is 2nd in TOper100min on players over 200 minutes). And finally, because, if you played with the Sixers, wouldn't you consider "No One" to be a better scoring option at times?

5. Where "Holy F*cking Sh*t, The Blazers Are Kicking Ass" Happens: So, as TrueHoop points out, Dallas, Detroit, Memphis, and New Orleans are a combined 0-4 in Portland. This is yet another way that the NBA is designed to skull-f*ck us on a daily basis. We're trying to figure it out, and while they do have LaMarcus "I Was Texas Before Durant Was Texas" Aldridge and ROY, we never thought they'd be this good. Seriously. Beating Detroit is a huge step in our minds of how far this team's come. The bad news is that they're on the road tonight, where they're not nearly as strong, against a Denver team that's in a little bit of a burst. The Aldridge vs. KMart matchup should be great, as well as the Melo vs. Webster battle. ROY's got to face AI. Good thing this is the ESPN matchup toni...oh, c'mon ! Are you kidding me? We get...

6. Second Verse Same As The First: The Lakers. Again. On the only game on. Again. Sigh. I know it's a big team. I know that they're popular. But seriously. Outside of Walton, Turiaf, Farmar, and Radmanovic, there's nothing about this team I like. This is an interesting comparison, game, though, I'll give it that. The Grizzlies beat the Rockets by getting to the line a lot, even without superstar play. The Lakers have a superstar, but are 19th in the league in free throws attempted (the Grizz are 7th, by the by). We'll see if McGrady goes off again, and how Yao does against the young wolf pack of Bynum, Turiaf and the elder Odom.

7. The NBA Should Pay Me To Watch This Game (Via The Corndogg): The Heat and the Sonics play each other tonight on the tail end of back to backs. I don't think its a stretch to say that this will be the worst game of the season thus far. Wait... arent't we supposed to be writing about reasons that you SHOULD watch the games tonight? Well, you can't help but watch a train wreck or a woman with a fetus on her head, so why not Heat/Sonics. It's that exact same morbid curiosity, we swear.

8. Memphis Grizzlies, Matchup Nightmares (via the Corndogg):
My conversation with Matt last night after I got home from a preposterously long day at work:
Corn - Whats up?
Matt - Holy Shit, The Grizz killed the Rockets.
Corn - Shut the f*ck up.
Matt- I'm totally serious. And McGrady went for 41.
Corn -(throws phone across the room. goes and picks up the phone) Sorry, you are breaking up. Did you say McGrady had 41 and the Grizz still won?
Matt- Yes!
Corn - I f*cking hate the NBA
However, I did my research this morning and I am thrilled with the Grizz. Kyle Lowry leads all rebounders, Darko plays like a god, they have nearly twice as many turnovers and they still beat the Rockets!! This is truly the game of the gods. This makes less sense than a phone sex conversation with Flavor Flav
So, we expect the Grizz to fall flat on their faces and lose by 25 to the Bucks. Or crush them and begin their first winning streak of 2007-08. I know, there is no logic behind that statement. If you think that matters, please reread this post.

9. Dirty Dirty vs. Crown Town (Via The Corndogg): Now this is what I'm talking about. Not only is this game happening, I get to watch it on my crappy regional network. Well, beggars can't be choosers. Great matchups all around. JRich/JJohns, Oak/Horford, Felton/ guy masquerading as the Hawks PG, and Wallace/Smith. And don't forget that Smith is PISSED!! If this was last year, the only way Hawks, Bobcats and Enjoyable would have been in the same sentence was if you were talking about Jordan using his cigar as a butt plug while Billy King crapped away more talent. Now, it is only 1 of the sentences in which you can use those words. I've got that Jessie Spano kind of feeling about this.

10. Rip City, Redux (Via The Corndogg): So, the Blazers are headed to Denver tonight for a chance at their 5th straight win. Nasty Nate has these kids playing great. Aldridge is comfortable in the post, Roy is making plays all over the place, and they even took it to the Pistons hard core last night ( as I eat my words from #11). Not only do they have The Glide back in Portland for some support , they also received some manna from heaven, or as I refer to it, the return of Josh McRoberts. Can you say "unstoppable?" Bring it on, El Tigre!

11. On A Desert Island, If He Had To Choose Between Cheesy Doodles and Rasho, He'd Choose Cheesy Doodles (Via The Corndogg): Screamin A Smith's favorite player, Rasho Nesterovic is back in the starting lineup for the Raptors, replacing Matt's favorite, Il Mago Bargnani. Could be a good move for the Dinosty, as they will need to defensive help to stop the league's top scoring team, Utah. Yes, you heard me, Utah. If Rasho can deliver some much needed post defense on Boozer and save Bosh for the offensive end, the Raps can make this a real ball game. Plus, Andrea makes a terrific and versatile weapon coming off the bench. In somewhat wacky and sort of related news, we have a Stephon sighting.

12. Open Letter To Jason Kidd From El Tigre Monstruoso (Via The Corndogg): Pull down your pants, grab your ankles, and Shut Up, Bitch! See you in the Garden tonight and I'm bringing Brian Scalabrine with me. You got that?

13. A Battle Of Biblical Proportions: Big Baby Jesus And King James meet tonight in Cleveland. James has shouldered the weight of his horrendously unproductive team, still leading them to a .500 record with a chance to improve tonight against a very good Magic team. Big Baby Jesus on the other hand has reached a new level with the help from the 150 million dollar man Rashard Lewis and Hedo going off like Scarface, the Magic look like a legit 2 seed. LeBron has a history of showing up in big games though. We'll be keeping our eyes on this one.

14. If This Were Halo, It Would Be A Lot More Interesting: Tonight we find out if the Wiz have righted the ship and are headed back to fun, run, sun, and gun land, or if they're still stuck in the mud. Meanwhile, the Pacers have cooled off after the surprising start, due to the return of this thing we like to call "Reality." If they can slip by the Wiz, though, they can keep those championship hopes alive!

15. Deron Run Run Run, Deron Run Run: We love point guards here at HP. So if you get a chance, check out Hot Stuff, one of our favorites, tonight against the Raps. It should be a pretty great matchup, but watching Hot Stuff work is a thing of beauty. Scoring, assists, defense, kid's got it all. So enjoy, before our curse catches him and he goes down in a blaze of inferiority versus a talented veteran. Or Tony Parker.

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