Wednesday, October 31, 2007

The 15 Footer 10.31

The 15 Footer helps you find reasons to pay attention to the games of the day. Feel free to leave your own in the comments.

Well, that was quite a differential between games 1 and 2, wasn't it? Game 1: Exactly what you thought it would be, except for LaMarcus Aldridge coming in and making a statement. Barkley was right when he said they have to move Roy to the 2. Of course, not getting the crap physically beat out of you by Leg Sweep McGee will help, too. Game 2: The Rockets pretty much screwed around for a quarter before remembering how ridiculously more talented they are than the Lakers. Ronnie Turiaf didn't have many points, but every time the guy touches the ball the team gets a spark. Kobe started just going psycho at the end. I was ready for him to punch the referee, punch Battier, punch Farmar, anything. The crowd really thought they were going to win, too. Wonder if this will add to Kobe's frustration and desire to bolt or make him think maybe he can win with these scrubs.

Here's 15 for tonight...

1. KDu. Du or Don't Du? Supermegalomegarookiestar Kevin Durant is supposed to transform and roll out tonight for the season opener for the Sonics, but he's still hobbled by a left ankle. The latest news from the AP is he's going to play, which I'm sure ESPN TV execs are doing a little dance over, since the entire reason the Sonics are on ESPN twice this week is because of Durant. Everyone is sold lock, stock, and barrel on Durant winning ROY. I'm pretty big on Al Thornton myself, but there's a reason Durant is the consensus choice. Tonight should be a pretty good opener for him, as he'll have to answer questions about his size and durability against a pretty meastly Nuggets crew.

2. Mavericks or Cavs, Will The Real Conference Power Please Stand Up: Mavs win most games in the NBA last season behind MVP Dirk Nowitski. Get smoked like a blunt at SJax's house, even if Dirk did have extenuating circumstances. Cavs win the East. Get rolled by the Spurs so bad they didn't even need bad officiating. The Mavs have been heavy in the Kobe talks, have had questions about the little general, and Josh Howard has an injured wrist on top of his suspension for punking Brad Miller. The Cavs had two holdouts up until yesterday (now they're down to 1), and made no moves, added no rookies, and went pretty much nowhere in the offseason while the rest of the East improved. Both teams have a knack of coming out and thumping when they're doubted. Their openers are a big test for both teams.

3. Darko Side of the Moon (via the Corndogg): We all know what the former #2 overall pick thinks of Serbian officiating, but what do you think he will have to say after Duncan puts another 24/13 performance on him while he draws 6 fouls in less that 12 minutes of action. Seriously, we love Darko (he's on my fantasy team), but if only he had a translator after The Big Boring does his work tonight in Grizz City.

4. No Bling, Please. But Would You Care For Some Cookies and Milk?(via the Corndogg): The battle begins tonight between two of the least ghetto-fabulous young prospects in the League. Former #1 overall picks Dwight "Big Bay Jesus" Howard and Andrew "Super Australian" Bogut will go head to head in their openers tonight. Neither guys rolls pops Crystal or rolls with an entourage, unless you count Howard's carrying of the Magic on his mammoth shoulders an entourage (yes, we mean you, Rashard Lewis, and your gigantic wallet). And, of course, we all know too well what the Flying Wallaby thinks of NBA-types , but they are both extremely talented and extremely ready to prove they belong in the next line of great NBA pivot men.

5.CP3, PO, PT, OOPS, W(via The Corndogg): No, that is not jibberish. We are talking about our main man, Chris Paul, who is pissed off with the minimal amount of hype the Hornets are getting. He is ready to lead this nomadic group back to the promised land, the playoffs. Well, if the rest of his crew can get some PT without having too many OOPS, injuries -- yes, that means you, Peja; then CP3 can help get them a WIN and start the NOLA hoops renaissance off on the right foot. Just not too much on the right foot, we don't want to hurt those fragile Hornets. Seriously, these guys are more banged up than Eddie Murphy in Another 48 Hours. We're pretty sure Peja was in a car that flipped 17 times.

6. Iggy vs. Bosh (via The Corndogg): So, I am loaded in my fantasy league on the frontcourt. I mean, seriously, I have Howard, Duncan, Biedrins, Darko, and Melo. I have no one who can do all the intangibles and help me in scoring, steals, and all the other minor categories. So, I traded Bosh for Igoudala straight up and tonight will be the first head-to-head matchup showcasing how much of an idiot/genius I am. Oh wait, you don't care. You want to know about the game. Iggy blows up, but Toronto blows Philly out. Sixers suck. Hope you've got a pension plan, Mr. King.

7. There's Always Time To Resign Chris Webber!: Mike Bibby? Out. Spencer Hawes? Out. Artest? Could get suspended between now and gametime, you never know. The Kings are in disarray. They could go a long way in calming the fanbase by pulling off a win against the upstart Hornets tonight. On the other hand, rubbernecking is popular in this country.

8. MARSHA, MARSHA, MARSHA! KOBE, KOBE, KOBE!:Yeah, that guy. You know. The one who hates his team, cant find any love, and dropped 45 on the Rockets last night. Him. Oh wait, they aren't playing. Doesn't matter. His name will be on the mic more than anyone else tonight, as his potentially new team (Chicago) and the team I said he should have been traded to a month ago (Washington -- take that ESPN!!) will both be in early game action. And yes, Dallas is playing too, but you don't seriously think "No Sleeves" Cuban would seriously trade away his precious German for the guy who could put his Mavs over the top, do you? Nah, neither do we. The guys over at Awful Announcing should start an award for the amount of time a broadcaster not covering a Lakers game talks about Kobe. This could be the beginning of the end, and God, we here at the Paroxysm, hope so. Who cares? This movie is like Titanic. Hey, maybe we can get Manu to play the little friend of his!

9. La La La La La La Bomba... : Juan Carlos Navarro makes his debut tonight for the Grizzlies. He's been highly touted and the Wizards kind of sort of look dumb for giving him up for so little. Plus, the dude's nickname is La Bomba. As in, "The Bomb." Wonder if he's got any trouble catching flights.

10. And Your Eastern Conference Champions...What The Hell?!: I was ready for all the Celtics buzz, even though I've dated marketing majors with more depth. I can stomach the Pistons because picking them is liking picking red at roulette, a pretty safe bet. But all of a sudden, people are throwing their lot in with the Nets? When that came out of Barkley last night my head shot up like a German Shephard. Not the Celtics? Not the Bulls? The Nets? With the Douchebag and the injury machine? I'm baffled. Maybe these guys can explain the hype as to why they're so much better than last year with a win over the Baby Bulls tonight. Speaking of which...

11. "Don't Leave Any Sharp Objects Near The... Tyrus, NO!": The Bulls open up play tonight and it'll be interesting to see if Tyrus Thomas goes Private Pile a la Full Metal Jacket . Skiles has been drowning the explosive first round pick for a year. I'm waiting for him to try electroshock.

12. And On The Main Stage, Zero!: The Gilbert Arenas Contract Year Show begins tonight against a Pacer's squad that' Zero is coming back off of injury, and has a lot to show a lot of people. Attention on him is at an all time high. He might score 40. He might go 2 for 20. He might get naked. Join the fun!

13."And Lo, I Saw a Pale Rider. And His Name Was Booby.": Yes, the starting small guard for the defending Eastern Conference Champions is called "Booby." I love the NBA.

14. Blue Light Special On Aging Power Forwards...": KMart returns from microfracture tonight. You should probably watch because getting to see him play healthy is a lot like seeing the Loch Ness Monster. You only see it maybe once in your lifetime and then there's lots of roaring and Scottish tourist ware.

15. It Could Be Worse. We Don't Know How, But It Could Be Worse: How often did you think would get to enjoy the debut of a dynamite team like Stuart Scott, Stephen A. Smith AND Bill Walton? Maybe, once, twice in your life, unless you count when you get to Hell and are stuck watching them for eternity?

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